Notes: Liar

DSCF1124Let’s ask ourselves these questions. Do you put heavy make-up to cover your pimple or skin imperfection? Do you need to purchase brand-name products? Do you max out your credit card to purchase fancy things that you cannot afford it? Do you use a photo filter or photoshop before you upload your photo online? Do you work in a company only for a monthly pay-cheque? Do you cheat on your lover or partner and stay in a relationship even you are no longer happy? Do you know that all of those are the form of lie and there are just many more forms of lies out there?

Well, the individual is not the only liar in our society. The governments lie, the companies lie, the religious institutions lie, the politicians lie, the religious leaders lie, the public figures lie and almost all the citizens lie. Eventually, almost all of us are liars.

However, have you ever asked yourself why you need to lie? I believe that we begin to lie because our society often tells us that we are not good enough as individuals. They say “You are not good enough because of your skin colour”;  “You are not good enough because of your ethnicity background”; “You are not good enough because of your weight”; “You are not good enough because of your job”. And you are just not good in so many ways.

Their judgment makes us feeling insecure; their judgment makes us to not accept yourself, and their judgment makes us feel to have the need to fulfil their demand/ requirements. The worse, their judgment makes you stop loving yourself unconditionally.  Ultimately, you have the need to lie. We do it consciously or unconsciously, to other people as well as to ourselves. As a result, we become liars.

We do not know anymore whether we need to keep our mouth shut and tell the truth or we just need to lie. In the end, lying seems to be much easier than being honest and truthful; being perfect seems to be more acceptable than being imperfect and that is what our society wants from us… to be perfect! Hence, we lie. Correct me if I was wrong!

Xoxo

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Notes: Social Media’s Perfect Life

ORG__DSC2332Almost everybody has social media accounts these days, be it Facebook, Instagram, Path or Twitter. Social media helps us to be in touch with our long lost friends, family members, schoolmates, coworkers as well as connects us with new people. They also give us a space to have a discussion about certain issues that matter to us. At the same time, social media also gives us the opportunity to see other people’s life. But one thing about social media is that it often makes an individual feel bad about themselves.

Since the presence of social media, many people often compare themselves or their life circumstances to other people whenever they scroll down the screen. Sometimes social media users forget that everyone has their own unique journey. I somehow feel that it is actually not healthy to be able to see other people lives through social media. Why? It’s because we start to unfairly compare ourselves to them.

Remember that everyone has their own life struggle and it just comes in different forms for each person. Not just that, some people actually find their life difficult. Unfortunately, we just do not really see the difficulty that people have. Social media users often try to post their perfect life, try to show off their life’s achievements. But who really knows the story behind all those posts?

Other than that, social media can also stop us from having real interaction with our friends because it creates a lazy form of friendship, without real-life human interaction. Even if they do hang out together, they would just be busy with their smartphone and post stuff on social media.

That is why I deleted my Path account, I deactivated my Facebook account a few weeks ago temporarily. I just find it not useful. Yet, I keep my twitter account active to keep up with the latest news and I might activate my Facebook again sometime. Gregg technology…

 

Notes: Jogging on Jakarta’s Road

My recent achievement [2015:E O]

My recent achievement [2015:E O]

In these past few months, I have been enjoying my new morning routine, which is an early morning jogging on the road.  What? An early morning jogging on the road in Jakarta? Really?! Yes! I do an early morning jogging on the road in Jakarta, one of the most polluted city in the world.

I actually have been enjoying an outdoor running since early 2014. I used to do morning jogging in the Soemantri Brodjonegoro’s jogging track, part of Soemantri Brodjonegoro’s sport center in Setiabudi Subdistrict of South Jakarta. However since companies rent the sport center for some company’s event week after week, I decided  to do my morning jogging on the road than running on a treadmill in the gym.

According to Nike+, I usually do jogging for as far as 4.5 kilometers on week days and go for as  8.4 kilometers on the weekend. It does not take me long to do 4.5 kilometers of jogging, it only takes me maximum of 30 minutes. On the other hand, it takes me maximum of 55 minutes to do 8.4 kilometers of jogging. Not bad ay? Not bad at all!

As an early morning routine, jogging on the road taught me three things – time management, which side of the road that I run on and the type of shoes that I should wear.

Coffee is the best mood booster [2014: EO]

Coffee is the best mood booster [2014: EO]

What is it about jogging on the road and time management? Well, if you happened to live or visit Jakarta, you would understand’s Jakarta traffic. It is insane and I don’t want to deal with it!

I don’t want to do jogging when Jakartans are going to work, which means that many motorist and kopaja (Jakarta public bus) would be racing and speeding recklessly because they don’t want to be late. They, then, would get their way no matter what…. some of them would drive on the sidewalk!  On the top of that, the air would be highly polluted, which then cause me difficulty of breathing. In order to avoid all of those, I must leave my apartment at least by 5:30 or 6: 15 a.m the latest. However sometimes I do it later than 7 a.m sometimes.

The fact that I am working as a jurno, I also have an obligation to submit stories first thing in the morning. Indeed time management become very important for me. Since then, I have been learning and trying to be discipline in managing my time so I am able to submit stories before I do my jogging and still be able to go to gym (sometimes) and followed by meeting some sources or attending events or discussion at the same time. It’s not perfect tho but I am getting there.

Believe me or not, I usually start my day by 3 or 4 a.m. I would brew coffee, prepare fruit salad, wash my face or shower, write story while having coffee and fruit salad and go for jogging, continue write another story and go to work. I would reach home by 5 or 6 or 7 p.m and I would immediately sleep so I could have minimum of 6 hours sleep.

I must say that it is not easy. It is not easy at all to be discipline and manage time properly. If I failed, my mind would not be at peace and I would be cranky for the rest of the day.

For me, jogging is very important. It is because I have been taking strong medication, which has nausea and anxiety as side effect. In order to get rid of those side effects, I must do some cardio exercise.

As a bonus, I also leant that  if there is no adequate jogging path or sidewalk for jogging, I MUST  jog on the left shoulder facing on-coming traffic  and I should not wear training shoes for jogging on the road. Training shoes are fine to run on the treadmill or jogging track but they are uncomfortable yet painful for long distance jogging in rough surface.  Unfortunately  3 out of 4 my sport shoes are training shoes! So does it mean that I need to get new pair of running shoes? Well, perhaps! Ha ha ha!

My first 2015 jogging by Bosporus Strait, Istanbul, Turkey [2015:ER]

My first 2015 jogging by Bosporus Strait, Istanbul, Turkey [2015:ER]

Recently, many people often questioned me whether or not I have participated in the running event or runner club in Jakarta. Even one guy suggested me that I should be a running athlete. O.M.G! What? That is actually not bad idea at all. But I must say that I actually do jogging just because I want to be healthy and get rid of side effect of my medication. That is all matter to me.

Having said that I have never participated to any  running event or join to runner club. One of the reason is because  I don’t really have much time to do such a thing right now. Perhaps when I have been able to be discipline in managing my time properly, I would do it one day.

In the end of the day, health is the most important thing. I should not force myself to do all kind of activities -work, sport, hobby, socializing- as I am not a robot. I am just another person who wanna be healthy. Cheers!

Jakarta 140315

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Notes: Attachment is Unhealthy

_DSC0412I have always said to myself that I should not or in a stronger way I must not make anyone be my source of happiness, be it my best friend or even my spouse, NO MATTER WHAT!

But strangely enough, when you were in a relationship and every single thing that you did was based on love, sometimes you had no idea how you were going to do it without that person when the relationship is over. That is what I feel sometimes. You cannot act that (s)he does not mean the world to you anymore while (s)he used to mean the world to you before.

Clearly, it shows how unhealthy attachment is, it is very addictive. Isn’t it?

Jakarta 080315

Notes: My Reality

DSCF1622When I write, I do not need to present a picture-perfect of life. My writing is often close to telling the truth.  I am just trying to speak the truth about things that affect me, about things that happen in our society. My writing is written with my perspective as watcher as well as a doer.

You know… I also often consider that my writing is often very spiritual because it is all about emotion, it is all about life. It is because I just try to reveal myself, tell my personal own problem and even lay all my deepest darkest secret because they are part of reality. It is my own reality, which sometimes can better or even worse than yours.

Yes, I choose to present the reality of life. I know that sometimes reality is bitter and painful but that is real life. As a result, I do expect no controversy because controversy is the beginning of the public discussion, which helps to understand life better.

Notes: Why Am I Blogging?

e44c7025-693d-4983-8cf2-a6dcbbb37b28Perhaps some of you wonder why I like to share my personal problem in social media, i.e blog. Well, I am the type of person who I always have a reason why I do thing things whether why I shave my hair off, why I go to the gym or even why I blog about my personal life.

So why do I blog about my personal life? Once I read a blog post saying that writing a journal would help our personal growth and development because it would give us an insight into our behaviour and moods. I kind of agree with that statement, especially I have been writing a personal diary since I was a little girl and have been blogging since I was 16. I found that writing a journal would help me to reflect on my life especially everything that I have been going through. On top of that, I also can review the improvement of my writing skill and my vocabulary bank.

But I must say that I am not kind of person who likes to share my problem with my friend.  It is not because I don’t trust them to keep my secret but I tend to not believe or trust their judgement. Not saying that they are wrong, it is just ….. their judgement tends to lead me to further confusion.

And the most annoying part of it is people would start being judgmental and telling you how wrong or even how stupid you are without understanding the circumstance. They would even start telling you that “you should not have done this and that… and bla bla bla

Oh well… I guess it is our problem, we tend to listen to respond than listen to understand why the thing is going wrong with somebody’s else life. Am I right?

And those are the last thing that I want to hear from others especially when I know very well that they are not in my shoes.  Yet, sometimes …. I still have a discussion with my friends also about my problem but not to seek for advice.

So what should I do if I need some advice? As I love reading the book and listening to music, I always would seek some advice from an inspirational book or inspirational songs. It helps me to reflect on my problem. Other than that, they would never judge me but tend to give me a wiser suggestion. That’s the best thing about it! Try it!

So that’s why I rather share my burden by blogging than talking to friends because I want to protect my feeling, to protect my heart and to prevent me from bad influences from others. But as humanely as possible,  I am trying my best to not posting a harmful or sensitive blog anyhow. So bear with me readers….

Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy my blog!

 

Notes: The Magdalene Featured Bule Hunter

Yesterday  a good friend of mine, Mahel told me that the Magdalene finally featured my first baby “Bule Hunter”. The article titled “What ‘Bule Hunters’ Wants’ was written by Sebastian Partogi, a Jakarta based feminist writer.  I felt so thrilled with it. Thank you for featuring my first book…. the Magdalene.

Readers …. Check the article out!

==@==

The Eyes [2014: Yuventius Nicky]

The Eyes [2014: Yuventius Nicky]

Indonesian women who have Western partners or husbands are often met with negative, sometimes harsh judgment from people around them, from gold diggers to exotic-looking harlots.

​When you see an Indonesian woman with brown complexion walking together with a Western man, for example, you might hear responses like, “Why on Earth would a bule want to be with a woman with a tampang babu?”

Bule is an Indonesian slang word for Westerners, while tampang babu means the face of a domestic help.

Irked by such stereotypes, Jakarta-based writer Elisabeth Oktofani decided to write  a book called Bule Hunter: Kisah Wanita Pemburu Bule (Bule Hunter: Tales of Women who Pursue Western Men). Published by Rene Books this year, it is based on her interviews with several women with Western partners to understand their motivation in pursuing the men. Read more here

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Notes: Negative Mindset

Negative Mindset Tends to Corrupt My Life [2013: E N U]

Negative Mindset Tends to Corrupt My Life [2013: E N U]

Life has been extremely hard for me in these last few months. Instead of getting better each month, life seems getting harder and worse. I tried to be strong and believe that everything was okay and would get better sooner than later. But no it did not. It got worse and I could not deal with it well. But was it me unable to deal it well or was it just my negative mindset?

Wait…. that’s what I just discovered! Whether were I really unable to deal with the current life situation well or was it just my negative mindset?

Well let me tell you something, I always said to myself that I must always remove my negative thinking when I have/want/need to do something. No matter how difficult my task is… I MUST NOT say that I CANNOT. Instead I MUST say that I CAN. If I have belief in myself that I can do it, surely I will be able to finish any task, which is given to me. Why did I say that?

Few years ago when I was working for an english newspaper, I was asked to write four stories. It was 2 p.m and the deadline was at 7 p.m. I could not say NO and I would not say No. Instead I said yes. I said to myself that I CAN finish it and I WILL finish it. Even though I didn’t meet the deadline on time, I was able to finish and submit all the stories. I was relieved.  I was happy knowing that I had the ability to do it.

Somehow when I worked on those article, I felt no burden at all. Instead I was enjoying it. But here was the key, I believed that I would not do anything properly without God’s help. (I know I might sound so religious but that’s what I believe : ). I believe in God’s grace).

So as I reflected into my current life’s situation and how I dealt with it, I just felt that the negativity has corrupted my life. It was just a constant complaint.  I always said to myself how unhappy I am, how stressful my life is, how difficult my life is, how hard my life is, etc etc etc. Yes perhaps I am unhappy with the current situation but shouldn’t I just consider it as a test from God?

Well I often said to myself that this difficult life would be just temporary, it wouldn’t stay forever as what Saint Paul said There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

And again Jesus also said “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

So why couldn’t I deal with my current life situation well? I think it is because I was surrounded by people with negative thinking and somehow it effected to me. No I did not mean to blame anyone here. But now I learnt whenever all those negative opinion comes closer to me, it is better for me to walk away or close my ears to ignore it.

It all comes down to our mindset. If we have a positive mindset, we would deal with difficulty positively, led us to positive attitude and finally we would not feel that we carry a heavy burden. But if we have a negative mindset, we would deal with difficulty with negative attitude, give us frustration and and life getting  hard for us everyday.

I am glad that I have been introduced to God since I was child through Catholic belief. Even though there was a stage of life when I did not want to be tied to any religion but still believed in God, I just found that religious value has taught me something which gives me peace of mind.

Instead of running to alcohol or nicotine  when I got upset (I used to drink a lot but was not an alcoholic, just a cocktail lover. And I knew I smoked few days ago but I rarely did it), I just picked my bible and read it. It might not give me a solution right away but it gives me peace of mind. And that’s all I need.

For me, life is about constant reflection. Perhaps some people might think that I am drama queen or melancholic bitch whenever I share my problem or point of view of life in my blog but I don’t really care anyway. This is how the way I live my life.

And  I just realized that God actually has answered my prayers. Even though it was not a jackpot but God has provided a lot of good things to me during this trial of life.  It might not be the best  but God always provided for us.

Sometimes we just have to appreciate the small stuff because we are blessed more than we realize. I just believed that God would answer my prayers in His own time in His own way.

Have a blessed Sunday readers!
Ride the bus

Notes: Drowning

I am responsible for my own happiness [2013: E R]

I am responsible for my own happiness [2013: E R]

It’s 3:16 am. I am sitting here alone with a cup of warm tea. Sick and stressed out. I invited nicotine  to be with me tonight. Alone. Lonely. I am drowning to the sounding of mosque prayer calls. Just don’t know what to say. Just don’t know what to do. 

This burden gets heavier each day. Thought that I have been loved. Thought that I have been everybody best friend. But here I am sitting here alone. No lover. No family. No friend. Just myself. Again… I just don’t know what to say. I just don’t know what to do.

Somehow I  realized that I cannot force other people to love me the way I expected them to. I cannot force other people to accept me the way I wanted them to. But then again, they are not responsible for my happiness but I am. From now on, I have to learn how to be on my own and be happy with it.

God…. I just need somebody to lean on… but I know that I only can count on You. I am sitting here alone, trying to keep smiling but drowning on my own misery. Ha ha ha  I am laughing at myself. Perhaps I’ve been cursed, I said to myself. What a miserable bitch I am sometimes

Jakarta, 5 December 2013

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Notes: Appreciation

I would like to share an interesting message that I received this morning.

When I was a kid, I didn’t have a laptop, Blackberry, iPhone or PS3. I played outside with my friends, bruised my knees and made up adventurous fantasies or played hide and seek. I ate what my mom cooked and KFC was a treat. I would think twice before I said ‘NO’ to my parents. Life wasn’t hard, it was great and I survived. Repost this if you appreciated the way you’re raised. These days, kids are spoiled and I think we were happier kids. These days kids lost something. 

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Notes: I Will Raise My Voice and Holler

You were always inconsistent doing something and then being sorry. Beating my heart to death talking bout you sorry. Well I will not call, I’m not going to be nice. I will raise my voice, scream and holler, break things and race the engine and tell all your secrets bout yourself to your face. I won’t be sorry for none of it. I loved you on purpose I was open on purpose. I still crave vulnerability and loose talk. I’m not even sorry bout you being sorry. You can carry all the guilt and grime ya wanna just don’t give it to me. – Jo (For Colored Girls)