Notes: Losing Your Body? Nah!

www.catatanfani.com (1)Many people say that once a woman becomes a mother, she will lose her body, become fat and have jiggly yet flabby body especially those who has baby delivered through c-section including me. Don’t even dream to get your body back, so they say. But here I am, I prove them wrong. You can still have a well-shape body even you have many children be it through normal delivery and/or c-section.

I started getting back to my training regime at seventh weeks postpartum. I must say that I didn’t find it easy. Sometimes I got frustrated because I didn’t seem to lose any baby fat after working out for one month. Sometimes I got frustrated or even depressed because l only run at the slow pace. Sometimes I even gave up, just sat down, did no exercises for hours and just played with my phone because I felt that I did not make any progress. 

But one day, I said to myself “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just started again,” so I started to take it easy that time. I just forgot about the aesthetics result and just focused on the form of my exercise as well as my diet.

At the end, aesthetic result is not my main exercise’s goal but sanity is. As a result, I got my body back faster than I expected as you can see on the picture above. 

Ps: no whey protein is being used. It’s all natural diet.

Ride the bus

Catatan: Lelaki Jalang

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Turkish beer, Turkish tea [2014: E O]

Akhir-akhir ini, berita tentang Jennifer Dunn, Shaffa Harris dan Faisal Harris berseliweran di media sosial. Tak hanya itu, berita tentang Sunu, Umi Pipik pun juga berseliweran di mana-mana. Dalam hati saya “Sopo sih Sunu Ki?” Sebenernya saya enggak pernah ngegubris berita tentang selebritis tapi saking banyaknya, saya pun akhirnya iseng ngegugel tentang mereka. Oh ternyata mereka semua tersangkut kasus perselingkuhan. Yang menarik adalah sosok perempuan lah yang selalu disorot sebagai biang keladi hancurnya rumah tangga padahal enggak sedikit family man yang kegatelan bahkan banyak banget. Sayangnya, lagi-lagi perempuan yang disalahkan “Siapa suruh mau?” dan sebagainya dan sebagainya.

Anyway beberapa hari yang lalu, saya pergi sebuah pesta dengan mas bojo. Sayangnya, mas bojo harus pergi di tengah pesta karena akan pergi ke negeri coklat dan meninggalkan saya sendiri di pesta tersebut. Awalnya saya tidak mau ditinggal tapi pestanya cukup asyik, good food, interesting people, fancy venue, welcoming host, groovy music and a lot of wine! Selain itu dapat kesempatan ngobrol ngalor ngidul dengan orang-orang baru dan bertemu dengan beberapa kenalan. Di tengah pesta, seorang laki-laki yang menjabat sebagai direktur mendekati saya ketika saya sedang asyik ngobrol dengan tuan Jendral.

“Hai, mana mas bojo?” tanyanya.
“Dia harus pergi ke bandara karena harus ke Eropa!” jawab saya singkat.
“Wah sibuk sekali pasti? Apa kamu tak pernah merasa kesepian?” tanyanya mulai menjurus pikir saya.
“Akh enggak. Saya ada anak, ada kawan, ada kegiatan. Bagaimana mungkin bisa kesepian? Lagipula kenapa?” Dalam hati, saya sudah menduga bahwa dia pria hidung belang ketika dia tiba-tiba mengajak saya untuk ngobrol di tempat lain padahal saya sedang asyik ngobrol dengan tuan dan nyonya Jendral. Aneh lagi, tuan direktur meminta pelayan menuangkan anggur lagi meski saya sudah menolak.
“Masa?”
“Kau punya istri dan anak?” Saya mencoba mengalihkan pembicaraan.
“Ya, tetapi mereka tak di sini. Jadi aku merasa kesepian. Mau ke rumahku?”
“Sering pulang ke negaramu?” Tanyaku mencoba mengganti topik.
“Tentu! Kau mau ke sana? Ayo temani aku ke sana! Kau bisa tinggalkan anakmu dengan pengasuh beberapa hari saja. Saya tentu terkejut. “Gemblung betul orang ini” pikir saya.

Enggak lama kemudian tuan Jendral pamit dan bertanya apakah supir saya sudah datang menjemput. Saya pun katakan ya dan saya pun ikut pamit untuk meninggalkan pesta.

“Nona bagaimana kalau kau saya antar pulang saja?” tanya tuan direktur sambil mencoba menarik tangan saya.
“Oo alah gemblung gemblung,” pikir saya. “Maaf tak perlu. Saya sudah ada supir.”
Sayapun segera lari meninggalkan pesta dan pamit pada tuan rumah.

Lucu bukan? Tuan direktur tahu saya datang dengan mas bojo, tuan direktur tak menutupi bahwa punya istri dan mau bermain api demi selangkangannya. Tentu kalau saya tanggapi, saya yang dianggap gatel dan sundal. Seperti yang dikatakan oleh Eddie Griffin dan Dr. dre dalam lagu berjudul Ed-Ucation “Biggest hoes, on planet Earth, are walkin’ through the motherfuckin’ neighborhood || You knew when you got with the man he already had a woman ll You knew he already had a family ll But you fucked him anyway” dalam lirik tersebut perempuan lah yang sundal padahal bisa jadi yang gatel duluan sang laki-laki. Begitu pula dengan tuan direkrut, dia lah seharusnya yang dianggap sebagai the biggest hoe!

Tapi mungkin, kalau saya tanggapi sayalah yang dianggap hoe. Bahkan saya tak akan heran jika dia melakukan hal ini dari pesta ke pesta besar. Sayangnya, tuan direktur tak akan dianggap jalang atau bejat malah dianggap hebat karena bisa menarik perhatian perempuan lain bahkan istri orang di luar istrinya. Ya toh? Perempuan jalang dosa besar, lelaki jalang hebat! Begitu kata masyarakat patriarki kita! Ngehek betulkan?!

Ride the bus

Notes: A Conscious Consumer 

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Those make me horny! [2013: Oktofani]

I don’t know exactly how many clothes I have been purchasing in these last ten years. It must be hundreds or could have been thousands. And where are those clothes now? Most of them have been donated, given out or thrown away. Why? Those were either already washed out, destroyed or simply out of trend. Well you know…I was one of those consumers who “see now, buys now” but I have been trying to change to be a conscious consumer in the past few years now. Why? Here is my story
Back in 2011, I had an interesting conversation with the domestic assistant who worked in my apartment in Jakarta. She told me that she used to work in a garment factory. She also mentioned about her workload, about her salary as well as a heartbreaking incident story where she was pregnant but unfortunately she had a miscarriage when she worked over-time in the factory. She lost her baby. I am not sure whether it was work-related or not. Since then, she decided to leave her job in the garment factory and worked as a domestic assistant in South Jakarta.

A few months later, I went to Canada for Christmas. I went for Christmas shopping in several shops including GAP, Zara and Timberland. As I was checking on the price tag, I found out that those products are made in Indonesia and the price was high. I must say that I was slightly shocked. Why? It was because I remembered my conversation with the domestic assistant of mine. “Wow! This is crazy! Why would I purchase this while the labour is not getting paid fairly,” So I walked away and entered other shops? Again, I found many apparels is made in Indonesia. I then decided to look on the Internet.

As I looked on the internet, apparently many garment and footwear products which are distributed and sold in North America are made in Indonesia or China. Although it got me proud to see those products are made in Indonesia, it somehow got me upset because many labours who made these products only earning peanuts. I understand that other costs are also added but still, it got me sad. I decided to not purchase any that time.

Those events actually change the way I consume garment products.
Do I stop buying clothes? Not yet!
So how? I start to buy less and less.
Why? It is because I don’t need it. If I feel that I want or need new clothes, I tend to have it made. At least, I know who makes my clothes and pay accordingly. Alternatively, I will get clothes from local designers who are transparent about its supply chain. Or sometimes, I purchase pre-loved collection which is still pristine. Otherwise, I only purchase new clothes in a couple of occasion in one year. Not just that, I am also pretty picky about the brand. I tend to look for information regarding how ethical the company is. Although I must admit that we cannot really trust those report 100%. Most importantly, I refuse to pay at full price. Why? If a brand can sell their products with 70% discount, it means that a brand still makes a profit from that price and I don’t want to get ripped off 🙂. Hence, it is very important for me to keep myself fit so I don’t have to purchase new clothes simply because it does not fit me any longer.

Other than that, these days, if I go out purchasing clothes, it must be for my seven months old baby boy. Yet, I don’t purchase it simply because it looks cute so I want to buy many but simply as we need it. For me, this is my way to train myself to be a conscious customer. It is not only good for the environment but also for my saving. As you can imagine, how much money I have been spending on clothes which are eventually not being worn and forgotten or thrown away.

In the end, I believe that the way the consumers consume garment products can eventually force the company to be more ethical in producing their products where it should be good for the society as well as the environment.

Ride the bus

Music: Take Me To Church

My lover’s got humour
She’s the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody’s disapproval
I should’ve worshipped her sooner

If the heavens ever did speak
She’s the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday’s getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week

“We were born sick,” you heard them say it

My church offers no absolutes
She tells me, “Worship in the bedroom.”
The only heaven I’ll be sent to
Is when I’m alone with you

I was born sick
But I love it
Command me to be well
Aaay. Amen. Amen. Amen.

[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

If I’m a pagan of the good times
My lover’s the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That’s a fine-looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We’ve a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work

[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
Ooh oh. Amen. Amen. Amen.

[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

Ride the bus

Notes: Let ‘Em Talk!

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As I scrolled down my Facebook’s newsfeed, I came across to an article by The Guardian on a Philadelphia born model Amber Rose titled “Amber Rose interview: Even when I was a virgin, I was called a slut“. I must say that I have been admiring her spirit, I have also been listening to her interviews and following her Instagram as well as Twitter account to understand her perspective on women’s world, as a result, I immediately read the article because I think that Amber is an awesome woman who is outspoken about woman issue. So, I assumed that this article would be worth reading.

As I finished reading the last sentence, this article got me thinking about my personal experience. As time passes, we grew up, we learnt and we choose our own value of life. However, everything that we do, it often becomes the subject of discussion for others.

Why? First of all, because they have nothing else to talk about. Secondly, that is how society taught us. Our society constructs standard what we can and cannot do, the standard of what is right and what is wrong. I would understand that those standards are constructed based on scientific research with sufficient evidence but when it is based on morality, it is very subjective.

In my own experience, I have been called slut or gold digger even right in front of my face over and over again. It still happens until today sometimes. At first, I felt hurt but I grow thick skin by now. At least, I do something real and some (or many) recognise it.

So, if I may say….. do whatever you want to do as long as you do not hurt other people, as long as you are being responsible about it. Never do something just to please others while you are suffering from it.

Jakarta: A Father, A Janitor and A Scavenger 

When I returned to Jakarta from Canada, I just realized how polluted Jakarta’s air is. This condition has made me thinking twice about my morning routine of doing street running on daily basis. However, instead of discontinue my morning routine, I decided to run very early. Normally I do it at 4 a.m. It might sound crazy but that is the only time where I can breathe a little bit of fresh air in the city.

My new activity somehow has opened my eyes about the other side of life of Jakartan. At 4 a.m, there are still many young people hanging out in one of the most popular Jakarta public park Taman Suropati. Based on my observation, some of them are having a fun chat, some are having a serious discussion, some are singing or dancing and some are having a very very very late dinner or super super early breakfast. Meanwhile, the city janitors are getting ready to sweep the street and some street food vendors are cleaning up their cart, eating utensil and getting ready to go home.

At the first early days, I somehow notice how dirty Taman Suropati is. Many people just leave out plastic waste, tissue or paper at the park. They simply do not care to throw it a proper place. I must say that it is very upsetting to see Jakartans just throwing plastic waste in the park. It just made the park look dirty and ugly. Yet, I also notice that some scavengers actually take the advantage from the dirty environment whereby they can collect those garbage and turn it into some cash. Still, it does not mean that I agree that they do not throw the garbage to the bin. So, I decided to talk to one of them.

Khodir, a Jakarta-based janitor [2016:EO]

His name is Mr. Khodir. He is a 47 years old janitor, who works for Jakarta Provincial Government. His duty is to sweep the street along Sunda Kelapa Mosque area and the official residence of vice president in Menteng area. He works eight hours a day and starts at 5 a.m. Normally, he would finish his job by 5 pm with four hours of break in between.

As a janitor, he told me that he earns 2.7 million Rupiah. Unfortunately, he sometimes receives his salary once in three months whereby his salary will be piled up within three months. Although he receives a huge amount at the end, he simply cannot support his family properly because he does not have enough saving. As a result, he has to collect plastic waste and sell it. From that activity, he could generate money for approximately 50,000 Rupiah.

It is actually very saddening knowing the fact  that while he believes that he has a steady job to support his family, this condition somehow has “forced” him to be a scavenger to make sure there is always an adequate food for his family on the table and provide a proper education for his children. 

Life is hard in Jakarta. It might be just as hard as another’s life in big cities across the world. For ordinary yet uneducated people, some of them would prefer to work their ass off, earn small amount of money and stay away from the dirty jobs, meanwhile some would choose to engage in dirty activity to earn big buck simply to meet up with big city’s lifestyle. It is you choosing it for yourselves.

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Notes: Faith and Relationsh!t

LRG__DSC6447I often heard people saying “I cannot marry this person because we do not have same religion” or “I cannot marry this person because (s)he doesn’t wanna convert into x religion”. It got me thinking and wondering what love really is.

Frankly, I just do not understand when a lover asks, demands or even worse sometimes FORCES their partner to convert into certain religion or belief simply to get married, simply to prove that (s)he loves him/her.

What is the point to make them convert into certain religion, has it on the paper but they just do not believe it. Even worse, it is not uncommon that some of them would make fun of it and disrespect it because they do not believe it.

Meanwhile, if (s)he does not convert, one of them will consider her/him for not sincerely loving them. And sometimes, if (s)he does not convert, it is often translated or concluded or defined that their lover does not respect one’s parents. Really?! 

First of all, your love should not be measured based on their belief, race or social status. Secondly, you marry her/him and not her/his parents. And last but not least, you just cannot force one to convert into something that they do not believe in. I just find this dumb and stupid!

Sadly, it is pretty common practice in Indonesia because regulation only allows the legalization of marriage to be done in a religious institution. You cannot just go to the civil registry. Even worse, those religions are imported religions in this country.

Forcing an individual to convert into certain religion means that one forces others to lie to themselves. If one can lie to themselves, it is not impossible that (s)he will lie to their partner too.

You see how religions play with people’s mind. Lovers forget what love is. Lovers forget that when you love someone, you must love them unconditionally.

Notes: To Sacrifice or Not To ?

ORG__DSC5026.JPGAs I scrolled down my Facebook’s news feed this morning, I came across to a piece titled “I didn’t realize my husband was depressed until we divorced“. It was published by British media outlet Telegraph. It is a very interesting piece. Worth reading. And when I read it, I feel like deja vu.

Over the years, I learnt that the key to understanding that other people are being depressed is by looking into ourselves first. Whether are we at the right stage of mind or not? And then, we will be able to see other people’s problem.

When we are in a serious long term relationship be it being married or engaged, communication is very important to keep the relationship going. It is true that we should not ignore any behaviour-changing of our partner as humanely as possible. However, it is not as easy as it is said especially when both of them are not at the right state of mind.

In that situation, the couple then normally will not be able to communicate rationally, the couple will not be able to see things clearly. The woman will always sound nagging and the man will always sound angry all the time. And if the couple is not willing to see it within themselves and admit it (that they are not at the right stage of mind or depressed), it’s hard to change the situation.

The thing is many people do not want to accept or admit that themselves or their partner are being depressed because many still consider or associate depression with mental illness, which is embarrassing for many.

It then causes depression rooted in oneself and makes the situation worse because of ignorance. Screaming. Yelling. Glass shattered. Hospital. Self-harm. Committing suicide. Getting drunk. Saying nasty things to each other. Etc. It can be very horrible and traumatic.

For me, the only solution is that I have to learn to love myself before I love other people. “Loving yourself” might sound easy but if you are an ambitious person and living in the fast-moving world yet competitive, it’s just not easy.

Why? You just want to achieve more and more for yourself. And when two ambitious people get together, “loving yourself” becomes difficult because the individuals have to sacrifice one thing and another for the sake of the relationship. The question is are we ready to do so, place the relationship before the career?

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Notes: Fear Nobody

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ISIS-linked terrorist group attacked Jakarta on Thursday (Jan. 14, 2016) [2016:EO]

The Jakarta terror attack, which occurred in Jalan MH Thamrin on Thursday (Jan. 14), was shocking for many. It occurred during the day light with the location nearby to Presidential Palace, Foreign Embassy Offices as well as government building. It was even shocking that the terror group did not only use assembled bombs to create chaos in the city but they also conducted assault by firing gun to the police officers. It was pretty frightening.

Anyway, Friday morning, I nearly cancelled my morning routine, running on the street, because I was worried. I said to myself  “What about if those douchebags still go around the town and spread the terror? What about if they suddenly pull AK 47 or M16 especially I run Taman Suropati, Menteng.”

I kept thinking while I turned on my computer to write articles. I opened my browser to see what the latest update. Unfortunately, my internet did not work. I kept restarting but it still did not work. “Fvck it! I’m going to run. I am not afraid!

Over the years, I learnt that I must not fear any radical or terrorist group or anybody because that is what they want us to be, to be afraid. I am not afraid to any radical group or anybody, I am not even afraid to die.  If it happens to be our last day, I just have to be prepared

 

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Notes: The Wanderer

IMG_5977This morning, I came across to an eye-opening article written by Sridhar Pappu titled “Meet the New York Bachelors Who Yearn for Something More” in the New York Times. It was published on January 7.  As a woman, I often wonder why many men (especially good looking and successful one) stay single and just like to sleep around –I am not saying that there are no women who sleep around as well-. I also often wonder whether they want to be a relationship and build a family or not. If not, why? If yes, why do they still stay single?

As I read this article, I somehow found the answers that I have been looking for that many of them actually long for something more.

It then got me thinking. When we are young, engaging in serial dating can be fun sometimes until we realize that it is just wasting our time and energy. But the sad truth is we are not getting younger.

There will be a time where we want to have someone to come home to and share our story about anything even the silliest thing. However, being in a relationship is not easy, getting married is not a magical as Cinderella story either. Why? It is because there are so many things that we have to give up and sacrifice. It even gets harder when both of them are ambitious people.

Even sometimes, you might come across to the point where your marriage or your relationship does not work anymore and it must be ended. But then again, leaving the one that we loved and started another relationship is not as easy as changing your clothes. It requires a lot of efforts. It is just very tiring.

In our life, we often long for an intimate relationship with the right one but finding the right one seems to be hard. Yet, the good news is there is no deadline to find the right one.