Notes: Working in Isolated Place

ORG__DSC5072Sometimes I wonder why some people working in isolated places such as conflict zone and mining site tend to be cold and alcoholic. When they fall in love, they hardly know to express their feelings even by a simple touch, hug and a nice word like “I am here for you” or “I got your back“.

As they make a lot of money, they love their lover or partner with money, plenty of money. Interestingly enough, when they get mad or jealous, they would tell you how much money they have spent on you. And, when you refuse their money, they go nuts. Why? I think it is because they feel that their love has been rejected and somehow have no power to control them. I somehow believe that some of them fail to understand that not everyone wants to be loved with money. Right?

As some of you might be aware that those who work in an isolated area would have R&R time so they can either spend time by themselves, family or the loved one. Unfortunately, sometimes their focus will not be 100 per cent on the loved one because they tend to be tired from travelling and work.

As they recovery from all the tiredness and R&R days only a few days left before heading back to the working place and somehow their mind is already in the working place. I wonder whether it happens to men only or also women?!

Ride the bus

Notes: Faith and Relationsh!t

LRG__DSC6447I often heard people saying “I cannot marry this person because we do not have same religion” or “I cannot marry this person because (s)he doesn’t wanna convert into x religion”. It got me thinking and wondering what love really is.

Frankly, I just do not understand when a lover asks, demands or even worse sometimes FORCES their partner to convert into certain religion or belief simply to get married, simply to prove that (s)he loves him/her.

What is the point to make them convert into certain religion, has it on the paper but they just do not believe it. Even worse, it is not uncommon that some of them would make fun of it and disrespect it because they do not believe it.

Meanwhile, if (s)he does not convert, one of them will consider her/him for not sincerely loving them. And sometimes, if (s)he does not convert, it is often translated or concluded or defined that their lover does not respect one’s parents. Really?! 

First of all, your love should not be measured based on their belief, race or social status. Secondly, you marry her/him and not her/his parents. And last but not least, you just cannot force one to convert into something that they do not believe in. I just find this dumb and stupid!

Sadly, it is pretty common practice in Indonesia because regulation only allows the legalization of marriage to be done in a religious institution. You cannot just go to the civil registry. Even worse, those religions are imported religions in this country.

Forcing an individual to convert into certain religion means that one forces others to lie to themselves. If one can lie to themselves, it is not impossible that (s)he will lie to their partner too.

You see how religions play with people’s mind. Lovers forget what love is. Lovers forget that when you love someone, you must love them unconditionally.

Notes: To Sacrifice or Not To ?

ORG__DSC5026.JPGAs I scrolled down my Facebook’s news feed this morning, I came across to a piece titled “I didn’t realize my husband was depressed until we divorced“. It was published by British media outlet Telegraph. It is a very interesting piece. Worth reading. And when I read it, I feel like deja vu.

Over the years, I learnt that the key to understanding that other people are being depressed is by looking into ourselves first. Whether are we at the right stage of mind or not? And then, we will be able to see other people’s problem.

When we are in a serious long term relationship be it being married or engaged, communication is very important to keep the relationship going. It is true that we should not ignore any behaviour-changing of our partner as humanely as possible. However, it is not as easy as it is said especially when both of them are not at the right state of mind.

In that situation, the couple then normally will not be able to communicate rationally, the couple will not be able to see things clearly. The woman will always sound nagging and the man will always sound angry all the time. And if the couple is not willing to see it within themselves and admit it (that they are not at the right stage of mind or depressed), it’s hard to change the situation.

The thing is many people do not want to accept or admit that themselves or their partner are being depressed because many still consider or associate depression with mental illness, which is embarrassing for many.

It then causes depression rooted in oneself and makes the situation worse because of ignorance. Screaming. Yelling. Glass shattered. Hospital. Self-harm. Committing suicide. Getting drunk. Saying nasty things to each other. Etc. It can be very horrible and traumatic.

For me, the only solution is that I have to learn to love myself before I love other people. “Loving yourself” might sound easy but if you are an ambitious person and living in the fast-moving world yet competitive, it’s just not easy.

Why? You just want to achieve more and more for yourself. And when two ambitious people get together, “loving yourself” becomes difficult because the individuals have to sacrifice one thing and another for the sake of the relationship. The question is are we ready to do so, place the relationship before the career?

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Notes: My Better Half

ORG__DSC5855Suddenly I remember that day, one day in Aug 2009. The day when we found out that I am sick. It was just one year after we met for the very first time. I gave you a choice. You chose to stay with me. You chose to stand by me.

I vividly remember that early morning. It was at 4 a.m. We walked down by the small road of Nyuh Gading. It was pitch dark, it was very quiet. And there we were, you and me. As we walked side by side, I suddenly hear you crying. You broke into tears and held me tight. You promised to stand by me no matter what.

And it was six years ago. So many tears, sadness, fight, arguments and misunderstanding between you and me. Yet, there were so many laughter, happiness and so many smiles that we have been sharing together. There was some stage of our journey where we thought it’s going to be over. Yet, we chose to take time to fix it, to improve it. Now, every day we learn to be a better person for each other.

I just feel so grateful and blessed to have a man like you in my life. I wouldn’t ask for a better man to be my better half. You are just the best that I have ever had.

Ride the bus

Notes: Marriage

ORG__DSC5067Many young people want to get married to their lover. They feel that their lover is the love of their life. It would be perfect to live together for the rest of their life. But I wonder whether they really understand what marriage is?

Well… I guess we have been indoctrinated with happily ever after Cinderella story without being shown what happens next after she got married to the prince. Who knows that they try killing each other…. ?! No?

That is why I do not like to attend a wedding party.

 

Notes: Attachment is Unhealthy

_DSC0412I have always said to myself that I should not or in a stronger way I must not make anyone be my source of happiness, be it my best friend or even my spouse, NO MATTER WHAT!

But strangely enough, when you were in a relationship and every single thing that you did was based on love, sometimes you had no idea how you were going to do it without that person when the relationship is over. That is what I feel sometimes. You cannot act that (s)he does not mean the world to you anymore while (s)he used to mean the world to you before.

Clearly, it shows how unhealthy attachment is, it is very addictive. Isn’t it?

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BJ: Ignorance to The Warning

Jobs answered the Lord “I know Lord that You are all-powerful that you can do everything you want. You ask how I dare question your wisdom when I am so very ignorant. I talked about things that I did not understand, about marvels too great for me to know.

You told me while you spoke and try to answer your questions. In the past, I only knew what others had told me but now I have seen with you with my own eyes. So I am ashamed of all I have said and repent in dust and ashes (Jobs 42: 1-6)

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Notes: Two Side Of A Coin

Somebody asked me “Aren’t you feeling ashamed to air your dirty laundry here?” So I answered “I often display the beautiful part of my life, today I air my dirty laundry at the same place. Why? Because I just wanna be a real person, there are two sides of a coin. Right?

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Spirituality: God’s Love

No temptation has overtaken you except such is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

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Spirituality: The Prayer for The Family

The Holy Family of Nazareth [2013: Oktofanu]

The Holy Family of Nazareth [2013: Oktofanu]

Lord God, from You every family in heaven and on earth takes its name.

Father, you are Love and Life.

Through your Son, Jesus Christ, born of woman, and through Holy Spirit, fountain of devini charity, grant that every family on earth may become for each successive generation a true shrine of life and love.

Grant that Your grace may guide the thoughts and actions of husbands and wives for the good their family and of all the families in the world.

Grant that the young may find in the family solid support for their human dignity and for their growth in truth and love.

Grant that love, strengthened by the Sacrament of marriage, may prove mightier than all the weaknesses and trial through which our family sometimes pass.

Through the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth, grant that church may fruitfully carry out her worldwide mission in and through the family.

Through Christ our Lord, Who is the Way, the Truth and the Life for ever and ever. Amen.

Pope John Paul II

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