Notes: The Wanderer

IMG_5977This morning, I came across to an eye-opening article written by Sridhar Pappu titled “Meet the New York Bachelors Who Yearn for Something More” in the New York Times. It was published on January 7.  As a woman, I often wonder why many men (especially good looking and successful one) stay single and just like to sleep around –I am not saying that there are no women who sleep around as well-. I also often wonder whether they want to be a relationship and build a family or not. If not, why? If yes, why do they still stay single?

As I read this article, I somehow found the answers that I have been looking for that many of them actually long for something more.

It then got me thinking. When we are young, engaging in serial dating can be fun sometimes until we realize that it is just wasting our time and energy. But the sad truth is we are not getting younger.

There will be a time where we want to have someone to come home to and share our story about anything even the silliest thing. However, being in a relationship is not easy, getting married is not a magical as Cinderella story either. Why? It is because there are so many things that we have to give up and sacrifice. It even gets harder when both of them are ambitious people.

Even sometimes, you might come across to the point where your marriage or your relationship does not work anymore and it must be ended. But then again, leaving the one that we loved and started another relationship is not as easy as changing your clothes. It requires a lot of efforts. It is just very tiring.

In our life, we often long for an intimate relationship with the right one but finding the right one seems to be hard. Yet, the good news is there is no deadline to find the right one.

Notes: Judge Me

ORG__DSC6299When people judge me as a gold digger, heaux or even slut because I wrote book titled ‘Bule Hunter’ and talked about s.e.x. in some chapter, -which is part of the reality of life but some people are too afraid/ hypocrite to talk about it openly- I actually don’t really care. 

If you wanna say those things about me, it’s fine. Say it. Perhaps I was-am a few of those things, perhaps I have done things in my life that I am not so proud of. I am not a saint. But one thing that we have to understand that the good and the bad always come together as one package. Just saying tho 

Music: What It Is

What It Is by Amy Winehouse 

I'll tell you what you want to hear.It depends on what I've been drinking. [2014: E O]

I’ll tell you what you want to hear.It depends on what I’ve been drinking. [2014: E O]

I can see you ahead of me but I’m not always forward thinking * I’ll tell you what you want to hear, it depends on what I’ve been drinking * Cause everything I do or say makes it hard for you to stay * We both know, What it is.

Nowadays we talk too much like you’re forgetting all the good shit * You decide whats wrong with me * I always used to let you say but now I like to think out loud * You’re running with some different crowd * We both know what it is.

I don’t know you anymore, supposed to be the man, that I live my life by * And you’re attitudes become a bore and I’m so tired, I can’t even cry, cry*

Mr Ultra Sensitive, I’ll NEVER let myself forget you * Messed each other up you know * So I’m sorry if I upset you * Tomorrow is another day so I’ll call you cause that’s OK *

Relationship doesn’t remain, we resonate on different planes * I could cut you down again if you was like all other men * If you were like all other men, I know that I could shut you down again * But my friend, but my friend, I don’t know you anymore*

Ride the bus

Notes: The Magdalene Featured Bule Hunter

Yesterday  a good friend of mine, Mahel told me that the Magdalene finally featured my first baby “Bule Hunter”. The article titled “What ‘Bule Hunters’ Wants’ was written by Sebastian Partogi, a Jakarta based feminist writer.  I felt so thrilled with it. Thank you for featuring my first book…. the Magdalene.

Readers …. Check the article out!

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The Eyes [2014: Yuventius Nicky]

The Eyes [2014: Yuventius Nicky]

Indonesian women who have Western partners or husbands are often met with negative, sometimes harsh judgment from people around them, from gold diggers to exotic-looking harlots.

​When you see an Indonesian woman with brown complexion walking together with a Western man, for example, you might hear responses like, “Why on Earth would a bule want to be with a woman with a tampang babu?”

Bule is an Indonesian slang word for Westerners, while tampang babu means the face of a domestic help.

Irked by such stereotypes, Jakarta-based writer Elisabeth Oktofani decided to write  a book called Bule Hunter: Kisah Wanita Pemburu Bule (Bule Hunter: Tales of Women who Pursue Western Men). Published by Rene Books this year, it is based on her interviews with several women with Western partners to understand their motivation in pursuing the men. Read more here

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Notes: Playing Around with Your Genital? Get Yourself Tested!

Many people love to play with their genitals. It gives us joy and satisfaction. Unfortunately many of them (or us) do not like to talk about it openly in public. Well, I do understand. Talking about sex is considered taboo in our society as we are living in a society, which is full of social norm and also religious restriction. But in the end of the day, we are human and sex is one of our basic needs.

Why do I want to talk about sex again here? Well, few days ago I went for Voluntary Counseling Test (VCT) HIV at Ruang Carlo, St. Carolus Hospital. It  is not that I am playing with my genital uncontrollably but I miss to have a discussion with HIV consular about sexual health awareness. It has been for ages since the last time I did it (getting myself tested and having discussion about sexual health awareness).

This …. somehow brought back the memories to my days in  Yogyakarta. Once in three months, two of my best gay friends and I always went for a regular HIV VCT  in PKBI Badran, Yogyakarta.

I vividly remember when  I did the HIV VCT for the first time in 2007. The consular asked me what I would do if somehow the test result came up positive? I must say that it was a really good question! I was confused, I did not know what to say because I was not sure what I would do if the test result came up positive. “Well… I think I am gonna run away. I am gonna disappear but I don’t know where tho.” I said to the consular.

Anyhow, the regular HIV VCT has really created a sexual health awareness in myself and made me understand the important of latex a.k.a condom. For me as a woman, latex is not only to prevent pregnancy but more importantly to protect ourselves from sexual transmitted disease. Why? I’ll tell you why… it is because we never know how wild our sexual partner out there. They might claim to be loyal or have been using condom while fucking around but we never really know the truth. Would you trust them easily? No!

For me, the worst nightmare is having sexual transmitted disease such as Syphilis, Herpes, Hepatitis, Gonorrhoea and also HIV/AIDS. If you want to continue your life, you have to treat those disease. Trust me, it is not gonna be fun at all because you have the obligation to be discipline in taking medication and seeing the doctor.

Anyway, I don’t find talking about sex openly in public is taboo. It actually helps me to create sexual health awareness between me and my friends to remind each other the importance of safe sex. As many of us might have been aware that we cannot  go around fire expecting not to sweat especially when latex is not one of your best friend.

But ay…. HIV/AIDS  or some sexual transmitted disease is not only caused by playing around with your genital but also blood transfusion and also sharing unsterile needle.

So….. Do you play with your genitals a lot?  Do you have many sexual partners? And… have you ever got yourself tested? Well, if not…. get yourself tested buddy! Whatever the outcome of the test is, it is better to know earlier than later. Trust me! Don’t be afraid….

Ride the bus

Music: Far Away

[Chris Richardson]
Just to see her (see her)
But she’s far far away
And I’d do anything just to see her face
But she’s far far away
Walk a thousand miles just to see her smile again

[Tyga – verse 1]
Sittin’ on a plane
Reminscing back when I made that mistake
I wish it never ended with a heartbreak
Now your heart broken, tears in ya face
Ask myself why, looking at the sky
If I could turn back I’d make it all right
Praying that you better but its still stormy weather
Don’t wanna let go but the rain wont let up
Now you gone, still thinking bout you everyday
And I know feelings was hurt and you can blame me but
I’m sorry for the games that I played
But now it’s too late
And now she’s,

[Chris Richardson]
Now she’s far far away
And I’d do anything just to see her face
But she’s far far away
Walk a thousand miles just to see her smile again

[Tyga – verse 2]
It’s cold putting up a fight
Arguing back and forth through the night
Regardless what I said and I don’t most of it
You know I really love you, this the realest goin’ get
It take time to realise what you really wanna know
You was ready for it all but your feelings I ignored
I know my fault, I should’ve gave more
Now you’re miles away and I’m miles on tour
Now it’s drums playing, crowd singing
Light changing, wish you was here to witness all that
It starts fading
They say two wrongs don’t make it right
And I was wrong and now it aint right

[Chris Richardson]
Cause she’s far far away
And I’d do anything just to see her face
But she’s far far away
Walk a thousand miles just to see her smile again

[Tyga – bridge]
Na na na nah
If I could turn back
If I could make it right
I’d do just that
If I could make it right
I’d do it all tonight
Hold you in my arms, with you I’d spend my life

Na na na nah
If I could turn back
If I could make it right
I’d do just that
I’d do just that
If I could turn back

(Come back here again)

[Chris Richardson]
Cause she’s far far away
And I’d do anything just to see her face
But she’s far far away
Walk a thousand miles just to see her smile again

[Bridge]
[End]
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Music: How To Love

How To Love by Lil Wayne

Cut the music up
A little louder
Yeah

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, for a second you were here, why you over there?
It’s hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love (had a love)
Never had a love (had a love)

When you was just a young’un, your looks was so precious
But now you’re grown up, so fly it’s like a blessing
But you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure (insecure)

You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, see you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, for a second you were here, now you over there?
It’s hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love (had a love)
Uh, had a love (had a love)

Oh, and you had a lot of dreams that transform to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn’t your fault, wasn’t in your intentions
To be the one here talking to me, be the one listening

But I admire your poppin’ bottles and dippin’
Just as much as you admire bartendin’ and strippin’
Baby, so don’t be mad, nobody else trippin’
You see a lot of crooks and them crooks still crooks

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, see you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Oh,
See I just want you to know (to know)
That you deserve the best you’re beautiful (beautiful)
You’re beautiful, yeah

And I want you to know (to know)
You’re far from the usual
Far from the usual

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, see you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Mm, see you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love (How to love)
How to love (How to love)

Yeah, see you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love (How to love)
How to love, Mm,

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Notes: Relationship #SATC

“I wanted to tell him that I was afraid he could never love me the way I wanted to be loved. I was afraid that maybe he didn’t really have the capacity to love anyone but himself.” Carrie Bradshaw

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“I was the real sadist. He might be the one with the whip, but I was the one who tied myself up. Tied myself to a man who was terrified of being tied down” Carrie Bradshaw

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“Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion.” Samantha Jones

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“Are we faking more than orgasms? Are we faking entire relationships? Is it better to fake it than be alone?” Carrie Bradshaw

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