Notes: The Wanderer

IMG_5977This morning, I came across to an eye-opening article written by Sridhar Pappu titled “Meet the New York Bachelors Who Yearn for Something More” in the New York Times. It was published on January 7.  As a woman, I often wonder why many men (especially good looking and successful one) stay single and just like to sleep around –I am not saying that there are no women who sleep around as well-. I also often wonder whether they want to be a relationship and build a family or not. If not, why? If yes, why do they still stay single?

As I read this article, I somehow found the answers that I have been looking for that many of them actually long for something more.

It then got me thinking. When we are young, engaging in serial dating can be fun sometimes until we realize that it is just wasting our time and energy. But the sad truth is we are not getting younger.

There will be a time where we want to have someone to come home to and share our story about anything even the silliest thing. However, being in a relationship is not easy, getting married is not a magical as Cinderella story either. Why? It is because there are so many things that we have to give up and sacrifice. It even gets harder when both of them are ambitious people.

Even sometimes, you might come across to the point where your marriage or your relationship does not work anymore and it must be ended. But then again, leaving the one that we loved and started another relationship is not as easy as changing your clothes. It requires a lot of efforts. It is just very tiring.

In our life, we often long for an intimate relationship with the right one but finding the right one seems to be hard. Yet, the good news is there is no deadline to find the right one.

Notes: Judge Me

ORG__DSC6299When people judge me as a gold digger, heaux or even slut because I wrote book titled ‘Bule Hunter’ and talked about s.e.x. in some chapter, -which is part of the reality of life but some people are too afraid/ hypocrite to talk about it openly- I actually don’t really care. 

If you wanna say those things about me, it’s fine. Say it. Perhaps I was-am a few of those things, perhaps I have done things in my life that I am not so proud of. I am not a saint. But one thing that we have to understand that the good and the bad always come together as one package. Just saying tho 

Music: What It Is

What It Is by Amy Winehouse 

I'll tell you what you want to hear.It depends on what I've been drinking. [2014: E O]

I’ll tell you what you want to hear.It depends on what I’ve been drinking. [2014: E O]

I can see you ahead of me but I’m not always forward thinking * I’ll tell you what you want to hear, it depends on what I’ve been drinking * Cause everything I do or say makes it hard for you to stay * We both know, What it is.

Nowadays we talk too much like you’re forgetting all the good shit * You decide whats wrong with me * I always used to let you say but now I like to think out loud * You’re running with some different crowd * We both know what it is.

I don’t know you anymore, supposed to be the man, that I live my life by * And you’re attitudes become a bore and I’m so tired, I can’t even cry, cry*

Mr Ultra Sensitive, I’ll NEVER let myself forget you * Messed each other up you know * So I’m sorry if I upset you * Tomorrow is another day so I’ll call you cause that’s OK *

Relationship doesn’t remain, we resonate on different planes * I could cut you down again if you was like all other men * If you were like all other men, I know that I could shut you down again * But my friend, but my friend, I don’t know you anymore*

Ride the bus

Notes: The Magdalene Featured Bule Hunter

Yesterday  a good friend of mine, Mahel told me that the Magdalene finally featured my first baby “Bule Hunter”. The article titled “What ‘Bule Hunters’ Wants’ was written by Sebastian Partogi, a Jakarta based feminist writer.  I felt so thrilled with it. Thank you for featuring my first book…. the Magdalene.

Readers …. Check the article out!

==@==

The Eyes [2014: Yuventius Nicky]

The Eyes [2014: Yuventius Nicky]

Indonesian women who have Western partners or husbands are often met with negative, sometimes harsh judgment from people around them, from gold diggers to exotic-looking harlots.

​When you see an Indonesian woman with brown complexion walking together with a Western man, for example, you might hear responses like, “Why on Earth would a bule want to be with a woman with a tampang babu?”

Bule is an Indonesian slang word for Westerners, while tampang babu means the face of a domestic help.

Irked by such stereotypes, Jakarta-based writer Elisabeth Oktofani decided to write  a book called Bule Hunter: Kisah Wanita Pemburu Bule (Bule Hunter: Tales of Women who Pursue Western Men). Published by Rene Books this year, it is based on her interviews with several women with Western partners to understand their motivation in pursuing the men. Read more here

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Notes: Playing Around with Your Genital? Get Yourself Tested!

Many people love to play with their genitals. It gives us joy and satisfaction. Unfortunately many of them (or us) do not like to talk about it openly in public. Well, I do understand. Talking about sex is considered taboo in our society as we are living in a society, which is full of social norm and also religious restriction. But in the end of the day, we are human and sex is one of our basic needs.

Why do I want to talk about sex again here? Well, few days ago I went for Voluntary Counseling Test (VCT) HIV at Ruang Carlo, St. Carolus Hospital. It  is not that I am playing with my genital uncontrollably but I miss to have a discussion with HIV consular about sexual health awareness. It has been for ages since the last time I did it (getting myself tested and having discussion about sexual health awareness).

This …. somehow brought back the memories to my days in  Yogyakarta. Once in three months, two of my best gay friends and I always went for a regular HIV VCT  in PKBI Badran, Yogyakarta.

I vividly remember when  I did the HIV VCT for the first time in 2007. The consular asked me what I would do if somehow the test result came up positive? I must say that it was a really good question! I was confused, I did not know what to say because I was not sure what I would do if the test result came up positive. “Well… I think I am gonna run away. I am gonna disappear but I don’t know where tho.” I said to the consular.

Anyhow, the regular HIV VCT has really created a sexual health awareness in myself and made me understand the important of latex a.k.a condom. For me as a woman, latex is not only to prevent pregnancy but more importantly to protect ourselves from sexual transmitted disease. Why? I’ll tell you why… it is because we never know how wild our sexual partner out there. They might claim to be loyal or have been using condom while fucking around but we never really know the truth. Would you trust them easily? No!

For me, the worst nightmare is having sexual transmitted disease such as Syphilis, Herpes, Hepatitis, Gonorrhoea and also HIV/AIDS. If you want to continue your life, you have to treat those disease. Trust me, it is not gonna be fun at all because you have the obligation to be discipline in taking medication and seeing the doctor.

Anyway, I don’t find talking about sex openly in public is taboo. It actually helps me to create sexual health awareness between me and my friends to remind each other the importance of safe sex. As many of us might have been aware that we cannot  go around fire expecting not to sweat especially when latex is not one of your best friend.

But ay…. HIV/AIDS  or some sexual transmitted disease is not only caused by playing around with your genital but also blood transfusion and also sharing unsterile needle.

So….. Do you play with your genitals a lot?  Do you have many sexual partners? And… have you ever got yourself tested? Well, if not…. get yourself tested buddy! Whatever the outcome of the test is, it is better to know earlier than later. Trust me! Don’t be afraid….

Ride the bus