Immigrants make a great entrepreneur because they are the CEO of their life, they take the risk to start their new life in a strange land.
It was 10:06 p.m. when I stepped into the house last night. I just got home from watching the premiere of Indonesian film “A Copy of My Mind” at 2015 Toronto International Film Festival. I felt restless and extremely exhausted. All I thought about was good night sleep. After I finished the shower and got ready to bed, I heard my phone beeping. It was from a good friend of mine. Yet, I did not answer his message until I woke up this morning.
“Beb,” my friend wrote.
“Yes,” I answered.
“I want to break up (with my lover). I’m a sex addict and he said to me that if I slept with other guys, we’re done” My friend wrote.
“Well, if it is the best for you then go ahead. But remember, we have a certain condition that everybody cannot just accept it easily. Unless you enjoy being alone and do not need or want to have somebody to come home to or make you feel complete, then you should break up and continue the adventure.” I went on,
“At the end, casual sex only gives us temporary happiness and temporary sense of acceptance. Those hot, rich and handsome guys normally give no shit about us at all. As soon as they’re done, they are just gonna go.” I continued.
“So I think, we have to ask to ourselves ‘Why do we want to trade one great guy with a beautiful personality and most importantly loves us so much, who also can accept us the way we are, with those dickheads? What are we looking for?’. As they say ‘You never miss what you had until it’s gone.'” I said.
“True,” he answered.
Sometimes we just take our lives for granted until we lose everything and regret it. When it is gone, it is gone.
PS: This writing was inspired by my conversation with a good friend of mine. Of course, I shared this story with my friend’s permission.
Considering to get in touch with local people, I tried to book accommodation through the famous site AirBnB. After a few e-mail exchanges with one of the host, the host mentioned that she had room for me. I was glad that I would stay at a local’s house, but it did not happen. My request was cancelled just a few hours before my flight.
I was so worried. I was freaking out. It was about 10 p.m, my flight would be at 8 a.m and I realized that I would not have accommodation upon my arrival. It must be a joke! However, it was not a big deal, it was manageable. I immediately booked a room from booking.com. Even though it was manageable, this experience gave me the impression that my NYC trip might not be going to be as fun as I thought it would be. Nevertheless, I was still excited anyway.
Friday morning, I arrived in the U.S. It took me an hour and half-hour of flight from Toronto Billybishop Airport of Canada to Newark Liberty International Airport of the U.S. I have not reached my final destination yet. I still had to take another 30 minutes of train ride from the airport to New York Penn Station with NJ Transit Train to get to downtown Manhattan.
However, as soon as I stepped out of New York Penn Station, I got my heartbroken. My excitement level dropped significantly. The city does not appear as magnetic as it is on the television. In fact, it is very repellent. New York City is just very dirty, messy and crowded. There are just too much traffic as well as construction works. This condition made me thinking to cut my trip short before I even tested the water.
Are you sure? I asked myself. No! I guess I am just tired. It is not wise to make a decision when I am unhappy. I answered.
It was only 11 a.m when I reached to Manhattan. I immediately checked-in to the Rogers New York Hotel in Madison Avenue; unfortunately, I could not get into the room until 3 p.m. I wondered what I should do for the next four hours and where I should go to. I do not know. As this was my first visit to NYC, there were just too many tourist attractions that I wanted to visit, including Times Square, Liberty Statue, Ground Zero, Central Park, etc.
In order to go to those places, I had to use google maps on my iPhone because I simply was not familiar with the city; but then again, I had other problems because I only had 40 per cent of phone battery power and I had no portable charger. On top of that, I was so starving. Darn!
It made me more annoyed, cranky, devastated and also frustrated. The perfect combination to be grumpy and dislike NYC. Nevertheless, I must not let it ruin my weekend gateway and all I need to do is to grab some foodie before I wandered about and did anything.
As I walked down in 33 Street to grab some foodie, I saw some grey line city bus tour‘s salesman offering their services to tourist. It attracted me so I seek for the information about what kind of deal that they had for me. After 10 minutes of conversation, they offered me 51 bucks of NYC Pass. NYC Pass can be used for Downtown, Brooklyn, Bronx as well as Night Tour within 48 hours. He also mentioned that the NYC Pass is including a ferry ticket. So I guess, it was not a bad deal at all!
Considering the deal that they offered me, I decided to use their services to stroll around downtown Manhattan on the top of the bus. I thought it would be the easiest way to get Lil bit of everything in the city. That way, I did not have to depend on my phone and keep some battery.
Frankly, I used to be very sceptical about the city sightseeing bus services, it seems very tacky to me. Nonetheless, I did enjoy the tour and got a sense of downtown Manhattan. It was 5.30 p.m; I ended my bus tour in Rockefeller Center and walked down to Times Square, the most crowded tourist attraction that I have ever been and I H.A.T.E it!
Since I left Toronto, I was up for 14 hours and had only 3 hours of sleep. I just felt very drained out. I really wanted to go back to the hotel and took a nap. However, I had no idea how to get there. My phone was off, the almighty google maps were unable to help me. I tried to grab a cab but I could not get any after hailing cabs for nearly an hour. I was about to cry.
“Geez…. what a start?! I wore the wrong footwear to walk around, I got lost, I got sunburn and my phone was off. I just want to lay down now but how?!.”
I looked away to solve my minor yet devastating problem. I said to myself that I need a portable charger. So, I went to the nearest electronic shop to get a portable charger. However, after purchasing the portable charger, I realized that I actually did not bring my iPhone cable. What a drag?! How could I turn my phone on?! Should I purchase for iPhone cable (again)? No way! I felt so stupid.
Recognizing that I had a problem, a friendly Israelite shop keeper showed me how to get back to my hotel. He told me that my hotel is actually only three blocks away from his shop. I was so happy to hear that. I just could not wait to lay down and catch some sleep after all the long walk in uncomfortable footwear and the sunburn. All I wanted to do was sleeping.
Honestly, I actually hate the idea of using it because it can shorten the longevity of battery; but, somehow it just is the best life safer while you are travelling.
On my way to the hotel, I stopped in a convenience store to get myself some snacks; I was extremely starving and thirsty. A friendly New Yorker said hi and talked to me; he asked how my day was going. As I was tired and upset, I started rambling. I just told him that I got my heart broken because NYC is not as magical as it is in the film or tv series; the city is dirty and crowded; it was just hard to get around to and thought to cut my trip short and return to TO.
“Don’t cut your trip short, I can give you a lot of recommendation for places or things to do here,” he said. “And I’d love to take you out for a drink. Perhaps that way you won’t think that everyone in NYC is an asshole,” he said.
He also offered me to go to the beach to celebrate “Beach Day” with his friends because the country celebrates “Beach Day”, I am not sure what Beach Day actually is. Another stranger offered me the same thing because the city celebrated “Beach Day”.
I was so surprised that a total stranger could just talk to me and ask me to go out for a drink like that in NYC. It did not only happen once but a couple of times in a coffee shop and convenience store on the daylight. I mean, I understand if it happens in the bars or social media; but in the convenience store or coffee shop on the daylight?! Really?!
I mean, not trying to show off but I often got compliments in TO as walking down the road, either because of my hair cut, my shoes, my shade or my outfit by total strangers. But getting an invitation for a drink, coffee and dinner by a stranger on the street? It is surprising!
Other than that, some people also said that New Yorkers are ignorance and rude; yet, it did not appear that way while I was there. I was wondering whether it is just the nature of New Yorker, friendly and nice, or is it something else? I must say that even though it is surprising but it made me feel very welcome and flattered at the same time.
Perhaps some of you wonder why I like to share my personal problem in social media, i.e blog. Well, I am the type of person who I always have a reason why I do thing things whether why I shave my hair off, why I go to the gym or even why I blog about my personal life.
So why do I blog about my personal life? Once I read a blog post saying that writing a journal would help our personal growth and development because it would give us an insight into our behaviour and moods. I kind of agree with that statement, especially I have been writing a personal diary since I was a little girl and have been blogging since I was 16. I found that writing a journal would help me to reflect on my life especially everything that I have been going through. On top of that, I also can review the improvement of my writing skill and my vocabulary bank.
But I must say that I am not kind of person who likes to share my problem with my friend. It is not because I don’t trust them to keep my secret but I tend to not believe or trust their judgement. Not saying that they are wrong, it is just ….. their judgement tends to lead me to further confusion.
And the most annoying part of it is people would start being judgmental and telling you how wrong or even how stupid you are without understanding the circumstance. They would even start telling you that “you should not have done this and that… and bla bla bla”
Oh well… I guess it is our problem, we tend to listen to respond than listen to understand why the thing is going wrong with somebody’s else life. Am I right?
And those are the last thing that I want to hear from others especially when I know very well that they are not in my shoes. Yet, sometimes …. I still have a discussion with my friends also about my problem but not to seek for advice.
So what should I do if I need some advice? As I love reading the book and listening to music, I always would seek some advice from an inspirational book or inspirational songs. It helps me to reflect on my problem. Other than that, they would never judge me but tend to give me a wiser suggestion. That’s the best thing about it! Try it!
So that’s why I rather share my burden by blogging than talking to friends because I want to protect my feeling, to protect my heart and to prevent me from bad influences from others. But as humanely as possible, I am trying my best to not posting a harmful or sensitive blog anyhow. So bear with me readers….
Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy my blog!
If you correct conceited people, you will only be insulted. If you reprimand evil people, you will only get hurt. Never correct conceited people, they will hate you for it. But if you correct the wise, they will respect you. Anything you say to the wise, will make them wiser. Whatever you tell the righteous will add to their knowledge. To be wise, you must first have reverence for the Lord. If you know the Holy One, you have understanding. Wisdom will add years to life. You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom and if you reject it, you are the one who will suffer ~Proverbs 9: 7 -12
Stupidity is like a loud, ignorant, shameless person. To the foolish, (s)he says “Stolen water is sweeter. Stolen bread tastes better.” Her victims do not know that the people die who go her house, that those who have already entered are now in deep in the world of the dead ~ Proverbs9: 17-18
Lawas is a Javanese word, which means old. Last week I went back to my hometown , I found a whole pile of very beautiful classic photographs from the 60-70’s at my parent’s house. Those photographs were just beautiful and each of it has its own story.
I did not know who were taking all these photographs, when was it taken exactly and what kind of camera was used. Some of them are still in good condition, some are not. But I was trying to preserve all of them by scanning it and place it new albums.
Do you know T.I? Do you like T.I music? I do! I love T.I music and songs!
Since I like T.I, I was hunting for T.I CD when I was in Canada last Christmas. I was so glad that I could find several of his old album [well I could only find couple of his album] that I could not find in Indonesia. I actually like T.I just in the last one year when I heard his song featuring Christina Aguilera “Castle Wall”.
As I love music so much, my hubby told me that Canada has so many good CD shop where I can find any kind of old album, which I might not be able to find in Indonesia. So, I went to HMV in Ottawa and I felt like that I found a heaven. There were just so many CDs and I wanted to get so many of them, especially CDs which are not available in Indonesia anymore. On the top of that, it was Christmas and they had Christmas sale! Even though they had a Christmas sale, the price is actually so much more expensive than the price in Indonesia. Well I should not be so surprissed!
Ooo geez… I was going nuts with the CD shopping, I forgot that CD would add more weight and I did not want to throw the box when I went back to Indonesia. My hubby already also reminded me that I should not get a lot of thing because if I have over weight luggage [you know that women love shopping], he would ask me to leave some stuff behind, which is BIG NO NO!
Anyhow….From my CD hunting in Canada, I bought several CDs of 50Cent, Akon, Eminem, Dr. Dre, Jill Scott, Angie Stone and also T.I. Unfortunately , I only found couple of T.I album which are Urban Legend  and No Mercy , the rest I could not find it even when I looked for it in Halifax and Toronto.
…. Talking about one of T.I track from Urban Legend album, Praying For Help is one of my favorite T.I track from his album. It just sounds WOW when he opened his song with a Our Father Prayer.
Our Father, who are in heaven. Hollowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done. On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us for our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. For thou is the kingdom, the power, and the glory. For ever, and ever
Honestly I did not remember Our Father prayer until I listened to Praying For Help song over and over again. I used to think that Our Father prayer was just an ordinary prayer and was not that powerful until I listened to this song especially whenever I said the last couple of line “For thou [thine] is the kingdom, the power and the glory , forever and ever. Amen!”
Since then, Our Father prayer become my favorite prayer because whenever I say the prayer in the church, I just feel so peaceful as if I am being touch by Holy Spirit. I sound so religious and spiritual ey…? But seriously, that is what I feel! Even sometimes, it makes me crying when I say this prayer.
To be honest, I used to not be a religious person. I used to always have faith in myself and believe that I can do and get whatever things I want in life without the-so-called God’s help [that is what I used to think about God before]. But things changed, they do not stay the life. Life circumstance has changed my view and belief, you can read my previous blog “It’s Awkward When G.O.D Shows Up“. Even though, I am changing to have a belief system and engaged with one belief system… it does not mean that I am religious person.
If I used to drink so much alcohol to get rid of the problem in my life, I have learned that makes peace with myself by coming to God and praying to God is better than getting super drunk. I am not a religious person, I drink occasionally whenever I go out but it is not mean to run away or escape from problem because it will not solve any problem.
I believe that everyone has their own way to make a peace with themselves whenever they have a problem in this life.