Notes: On Mental Health

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Drying and dying [2018:EO]

The world marks October 10 as the World Mental Health Day. It aims to raise awareness about the mental health issue. By raising awareness about mental health, people who have mental health problem could get help as soon as possible because they are aware that they have a problem. And I know very well how useful this help can be for one.

As you might have been aware that depression and anxiety are two of mental health issues which have been openly discussed on the Internet in these last few years. Prior to that, people used to hide those problems. They felt that it is embarrassing and they felt ashamed about it because many tend to bully or mock those who are suffering from depression. As a result, many who are suffering from depression do not get help and it could get worse for some people whether some would turn to be an alcoholic, sex addicts, smoker, drug users or even commit to suicide. 

It happened to me a few years ago…

After a piece of bad news broke in 2009, I have always been sad. I was afraid that I would not have enough time to fulfil my dreams. Since then, over the years, I tried to race with time to do as much as I could. Yet, I always felt that I only did a little and it was never enough. It made me upset. I often got home cried and felt miserable. Yet, I thought it was just a simple sadness. I thought I was just being a drama queen.  

It took me years to realize that it was not just sadness as I started to get suicidal thought or suddenly become hysteric. It even landed me in the hospital several times. Since then, I knew I had a problem and I decided to seek help. Yet, I could not seek help from friends or family. I felt that they would judge me or preach to me. So, I built a wall, kept a distance from people and I tried to seek helps from professionals. It was not easy to find the right one. They offered me various solutions including anti-depressant consumption, therapy section, engaging in a religious activity as well as being physically active. I found it hard. Later I figured that exercise was the best solution among others. Yet, it requires self-discipline. 

I vividly remembered one Monday morning when I felt down and my body feeling week because I did not exercise for nearly a week because I was being lazy. That day, I realized that wonderful effect of exercise toward my mood. Since then, I always tried to make time to do it even only for 30 minutes on a daily basis. I forced myself to run even it is only 4 am and many are still sleeping. As time passed by, I become an addict, addict of exercise.  Happy with the result, I maintain until today even with various adjustment. Frankly, I did not really care about the aesthetic result of exercise as my priority is to feel good about myself in mind, body and soul.

Hence if you have a problem, don’t be ashamed to talk about it and seek for bits of help. Share with those who have similar problems, they might be able to help you or they actually might not be able to help you. Nevertheless, it is all about your willingness to acknowledge it and get help. While for you who know anyone with mental health issues, please try to acknowledge it even only by listening to them. Never ignore them especially if they are the loved one. 

Ride the bus

Notes: Rule #1

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I am an introvert but when I live at someone else’s house, I will not lock myself in the room all the times and only come up when I am hungry. That is why I do not like staying at other people’s house even for one night because one is forced to socialize with others.

However, if I have to stay at someone’s house, I will force myself to socialize with other and take some time to help the host to do some household task because the host has been kindly hosting me. Otherwise, one is considered to be very rude.

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Indonesia: Broken Heart

IMG_0059I am proud of being Indonesian. I even often get easily annoyed whenever foreigners make a bitter criticism about Indonesia or look down on us. However, seeing what happened in Indonesia recently, I feel that this country seems to get backwards.

I am one of the lucky one to be able to leave the country, I can even be Canadian, Brits or both if I want to and never look back. However, I still have my family, Indonesia is my home, I love its cultural diversity, it’s super beautiful. Yet, imported religion slowly ruin it.

The government and coward people make me sick and tired of this country. I know I can leave and always come back but I want to make a contribution one day. How? I don’t know. Perhaps through writing.

The thing is although the Internet penetration is increasing, it does not necessarily inform all Indonesian properly. Instead, it appears as an entertainment. As a result, important issues are neglected.

Pramoedya Ananta Toer wrote “Unsur modern belum lagi mengubah tata pikir pribumi. Dunia pikirnya masih tetap seperti lima abad lalu. Cara menanggapi dunia belum berubah.” (Rumah Kaca).

I hope with the Internet, Indonesian are more well informed about everything including humanity than feared with the future.

Ride the bus

Indonesia: Negara Boneka dan Aliran Dana

Sejak munculnya Support Group and Resource Center on Sexuality Studies (SGRC) di Universitas Indonesia, isu Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transexual (LGBT) jadi salah satu hot topic di masyarakat Indonesia. Berbagai pihak mengeluar pendapatnya masing-masing mulai dari pejabat negara, politisi, aktivis sampai organisasi masyarakat dengan berbagai sudut pandang. Berita tentang adanya ‘aliran dana’ dari Barat untuk kelompok LGBT membuat heboh berbagai kalangan yang kurang piknik. “Kok ya baru heboh sekarang? Selama ini kemana aja? Oh pasti jarang baca laporan organisasi ya. Well, pantes! Ngana pikir organisasi enggak butuh dana dukungan?!

Lagipula, so what?! Toh dana tersebut digunakan untuk mengedukasi masyarakat termasuk pemahaman akan hal sipil masyarakat, kesehatan reproduksi, HIV/AIDS Prevention dan juga kesetaraan gender. Kan bego banget kalau ada pihak yang meminta aliran dana untuk mengedukasi masyarakat tersebut dihentikan. It’s 2016 buddy!

Pertanyaannya sekarang adalah apakah kita pernah mempertanyakan sumber dana dari kelompok garis geras dan fundamentalis yang ada di Indonesia? Apakah mereka pernah mengeluarkan laporan akhir tahun tentang kegiataan dan pendanaan mereka padahal sekarang eranya keterbukaan informasi? Pernah enggak sih kepikiran kalau mereka mungkin mendapat dana dari Timur-Tengah termasuk Saudi untuk melakukan kegiatan mereka? Lalu, apakah ada yang juga mempertanyakan dan membahas secara blak-bakan kenapa tiba-tiba ada konflik antara Sunni, Syiah dan Ahmadiyah di Indonesia padahal sebelumnya adem ayem. Kalau pun ada sektarian konflik biasanya antar agama. Lalu kenapa trendnya berbeda?

Sebagaimana kita tahu, 85 persen (dari 250 juta jiwa) penduduk Indonesia adalah umat Muslim. Hal ini menjadikan Indonesia sebagai tempat yang empuk untuk perebutan pengaruh politik atas dua Mazhab Islam Sunni dan Syiah. Apalagi hubungan Saudi dan Iran akhir-akhir kian memanas (You can find it in the Internet. It is googleable!)

Nah dulu, waktu saya sering liputan tentang kekerasan terhadap kelompok minoritas, saya bertanya pada salah satu cendekiawan Muslim, mengapa hal ini bisa terjadi? Sesama umat Islam tetapi saling membunuh, sedangkan dulu tidak seperti itu? Tentu kita masih ingat tentang kejadian Cikeusik di tahun 2011 dan kekerasan terhadap warga Syiah di Sampang tahun 2012.

Bapak tersebut kemudian menjelaskan bahwa kelompok garis keras tersebut mendapatkan aliran dana dari Saudi untuk berbagai kegiatan, termasuk melakukan kekerasan terhadap kelompok minoritas. Hal itu bukan semata dilakukan karena mereka psikopat selo tetapi akibat dari pengaruh Mazhab Islam di Indonesia antara kubu Sunni (Saudi) dan Syiah (Iran). Sangat masuk akal menurut saya. Sayangnya, si Bapak enggak memiliki bukti tertulis tentang hal tersebut.

Meskipun laju perekonomian Indonesia terus meningkat tetapi kesenjangan sosial pun terus melebar. Semakin banyak masyarakat lapar dan bodoh karena miskin dan tidak berpendidikan. Akhirnya, segelintir kelompok masyarakt tersebut gampang diiming-imingi janji surga dan nasi bungkus untuk melakukan tindak kekerasan terhadap orang lain.

Saya pun jadi ingat pada salah satu percakapan saya dengan seorang anak berusia 17 tahun di Pengadilan Cibinong, saya tanya kenapa ikut merusak masjid Ahmadiyah. Dia mengatakan pada saya bahwa dia hanya ikut-ikut saja karena ramai-ramai, padahal dia enggak tahu kenapa mereka merusak masjid Ahmadiyah. Lagipula toh bisa masuk surga, capek hidup susah terus. Saya miris mendengarnya.

Well, Iya kalau surga ada. Kalau enggak ada? Udah hidup susah di bumi, surga nggak ada lagi. Rugi bandar Bung! I mean, some greedy people are using religion to manipulate people to fight against each other simply to gain power and stay rich without making their own hand dirty? That is so bloody disgusting!

Well, menurut saya (menurut pendapat saya pribadi lho ya), kalau tren konflik Sunni-Syiah kini dialihkan ke kelompok yang lebih minoritas lagi LGBT karena mereka tidak hanya dari satu kelompok agama tertentu tapi berbagai macam, lagipula negara seperti Iran pun juga memberikan hukuman mati ke kelompok LGBT. Toh orang-orang religius (dari Islam, Kristen, Katholik dan lain-lain) tersebut nanti akan menginterpretasikan ayat dari kitab suci masing-masing. Kan lebih enak tuh?! Kroyokan. Lumayankan kelompok garis keras beserta politisi kampret yang pada cari proyek bisa dapet aliran dana dari Saudi, perut kenyang dan masuk surga lagi? Salah satunya anggota DPD yang sudah ngeblok saya di Twitter. Sekali lagi, iya KALAU surga dan neraka memang ada! Kalau enggak, gimana?!

Ingat ya, konon kabarnya ibu anggota DPD satu “main-main” sama anggota polisi yang katanya suami orang. Kemudian doi yang dulunya enggak suka sama kelompoknya habib, eh sekarang jadi BFF mereka bahkan doi sampai merubah penampilannya. Sebagai politisi di negara dengan tingkat kesenjangan sosial yang tinggi, doi selalu memainkan isu moralitas untuk mencari dukungan dari masyarakat. Ya, ketimbang ngeluarin duit banyak untuk proper education, it’s easier but not necessarily better for the recipient  kalau mereka dikasih janji surga aja toh.

Lagipula, isu moralitas itu enak dijadikan bisnis apalagi doi adalah seorang saudagar. Masak iya isu moralitas untuk melindungi masyarakat kayak udah paling bener aja?! Taik kucinglah itu! Pokoknya yang dilarang di kitab suci, dijadiin bisnis. Tentu saja salah satu duitnya dari onta-onta itu. Coba dia enggak ke Petamburan kalau itu, mungkin ceritanya beda.

“Lalu apa hubungannya aliran dana Timur-Tengah, kelompok garis keras dan LGBT?”

Well… sebagaimana kita tahu bahwa kelompok garis keras telah mengeluarkan pernyataan dengan nada mengancam dan menjijikan. Ancaman yang disebarkan melalui surat dan beredar di internet. Lebih lucunya, ancaman tersebut enggak mendapatkan respon dari pihak berwajib. Yang ada malah politisi kampret yang suka cari proyek pun berwacana untuk membuat undang-undang anti-LGBT.

Ntar mereka mungkin bilang, “Okay kita enggak akan sahkan UU Anti-LGBT, tapi ada fulusnya ye!” Sama halnya kayak UU Anti Alkohol. Lumayankan dapat duit dari sana-sini, dari brands dapet, dari pemerintah asing pun dapet. Kalau enggak percaya, main deh ke Senayan. Pasang kuping lebar-lebar!

Pertanyaan saya adalah sampai kapan Indonesia mau dijadikan sebagai tempat perebutan pengaruh kekuasaan negara-negara kaya di dunia? Sampai kapan Indonesia mau dijadikan sebagai negara boneka?

Sebagaimana kita tahu bahwa harga minyak dunia sekarang anjlok dari 145 USD per barrel menjadi 32 USD per barrel. Negara-negara penghasil minyak pun sedang pontang-panting dibuatnya. Kenapa? Karena mau enggak mau mereka harus merogoh tabungan mereka. Saudi Arabia misalnya, mereka mulai merogoh tabungan mereka untuk kebutuhan sehari-hari. Lha wong pendapatan mereka saja anjlok and life must go on. Apakah dengan begitu kemudian aliran dana ke kelompok garis keras kemudian dihentikan dan disitulah negara baru bisa melindungi hak sipil masyarakat?!

Well, not that easy baby! A country like Saudi won’t get poor! And they will continue playing their games. Dengan adanya Kaaba di Mekah, Arab Saudi masih bisa mendapatkan memperoleh penghasilan dari perjalanan haji dan umroh yang bernilai lebih dari 20 milliard USD. Tentu saja pendapatan tersebut juga datang dari umat Muslim Indonesia, termasuk mereka yang harus menjual sawah dan tanah di kampung halamannya.

Jujur saja, dulu saya bangga menjadi orang Yogya. Kenapa? Masyarakat Yogya bisa hidup berdampingan dengan harmonis apapun perbedaan yang kita miliki. Bahkan, dulu banyak negara lain yang kagum melihat Indonesia memiliki pesantren untuk waria milik ibu Maryani di Yogya. Saya sempat bertemu dengan Ibu Maryani beberapa kali. Saya kagum dengan beliau karena di pesantren tersebut waria Kristiani pun bisa melakukan ibadah. Dan sekarang mereka diancam akan ditutup. Bahkan perkembangan terakhir, pesantren tersebut telah ditutup sejak tadi malam (February 24).

Sepertinya para cecunguk tidak suka ketika Indonesia memiliki sesuatu yang bisa dibanggakan yaitu kerukunan dan keharmonisan. Para cecunguk tersebut tidak ingin masyarakat Indonesia sadar tentang apa itu hak asasi manusia dan paham akan pengtingnya ilmu pengetahuan.Ya maklum, di jaman penjajahan Belanda dulu, mereka pun tidak ingin memberikan pendidikan ke seluruh masyarakat nusantara. Kalau masyarakat nusantara pinter pasti akan ada perlawanan. Makanya yang bisa sekolah sedikit saja. Ya toh? Sadly, itu membudaya.

Lagipula Pak Menteri kan udah bilang, LGBT isu yang seksi. Ya toh?! Ngana pikir isu cuma sekedar isu?! It is about money! Mereka dapet duit banyak, situ dapet nasi bungkus dan rasa dengki. Sadly, the government work for their own welfare than us. It is about them (The bloody politicians) and not about us, the people of Indonesia.

Jujur saja, banyak politisi dan pejabat pemerintahan yang enggak menginginkan masyarakatnya berkembang. Some of them want us to stay foolish so we can be controlled with religion. They love playing God especially when one is hungry. 

Jadi, sebenernya bukanlah pemerintah atau politisi yang bisa memperbaiki kehidupan kita tapi kita sendiri. Dengan cara apa? Mengedukasi diri kita. We need to get ourselves informed properly. We should let nobody controlling us for their own good. Many wanna talk about God but as Macklemore said “God loves all his children” is somehow forgotten.

Eh tapi ya di era teknologi ini, enggak menutup nantinya yang akan melakukan perebutan kekuasaan di Indonesia adalah kubu US dan China, di mana Indonesia lagi-lagi dilihat sebagai market dengan sumber daya manusia yang ‘pas-pasan’ karena banyak orang Indonesia yang tidak mau mengedukasi diri kita sendiri untuk menjadi manusia maju dan sumber daya alam yang melimpah. Coba deh perhatikan sendiri. 

At the end, it’s about the money, it’s about the power. We can choose to be able to stand in our own feet and preserve our culture in the era of globalization, or we let ourselves to be controlled. 

Ride the bus

Indonesia: About LGBT

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Goodbye 2012! Hello 2013

You know what makes me upset about LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) debate these days in Indonesia? Well, let me tell you.

Last night, a good friend of mine sent me a message telling me how concerned (s)he is about all these LGBT debates. (S)he wondered what the government/parliament next step toward it whether they are going to ban it altogether, ban foreign funding for LGBT activity (including reproductive health awareness) or even worse if they plan to stop distributing subsidised ARV in the country. (S)he is wondering. 

Honestly, this condition would not just have a negative impact to the LGBT community but also all the patients, let me repeat myself again ALL PATIENTS, (which also include heterosexual people) who have been getting ARV for free so they can survive and live their lives as a healthy person. So, I said to a good friend of mine that everything will just be fine. Let’s have faith in it.

Since the fall of  President Soeharto in 1998, religion has been used as a political commodity to control people. Sometimes I am wondering whether we, the people of Indonesia, can have a discussion about certain issue without bringing a religious perspective or not.

It is very devastating because I feel that this country is heading to a dark age than moving forward to the future. What about if we discuss what really matters and crucial to citizen’s daily life such as food supply, education, health and infrastructure, instead of the sexual orientation or religious preferences, which are very personal?! Can we?

PS: If you do not know what ARV is, you can search on the internet. It is very googleable.

Notes: Let ‘Em Talk!

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As I scrolled down my Facebook’s newsfeed, I came across to an article by The Guardian on a Philadelphia born model Amber Rose titled “Amber Rose interview: Even when I was a virgin, I was called a slut“. I must say that I have been admiring her spirit, I have also been listening to her interviews and following her Instagram as well as Twitter account to understand her perspective on women’s world, as a result, I immediately read the article because I think that Amber is an awesome woman who is outspoken about woman issue. So, I assumed that this article would be worth reading.

As I finished reading the last sentence, this article got me thinking about my personal experience. As time passes, we grew up, we learnt and we choose our own value of life. However, everything that we do, it often becomes the subject of discussion for others.

Why? First of all, because they have nothing else to talk about. Secondly, that is how society taught us. Our society constructs standard what we can and cannot do, the standard of what is right and what is wrong. I would understand that those standards are constructed based on scientific research with sufficient evidence but when it is based on morality, it is very subjective.

In my own experience, I have been called slut or gold digger even right in front of my face over and over again. It still happens until today sometimes. At first, I felt hurt but I grow thick skin by now. At least, I do something real and some (or many) recognise it.

So, if I may say….. do whatever you want to do as long as you do not hurt other people, as long as you are being responsible about it. Never do something just to please others while you are suffering from it.