Notes: Thank You

42369967_10156506191355761_2935482642121883648_nI am going to leave Dhaka to study in the UK in a few minutes. I would like to say thank you to (Mostofa Kamal Salim)for being very kind, patient, friendly and helpful in introducing Bangladesh to me. Have I not met you or got to know you, I would not enjoy my stay in Bangladesh as much as I have been in these last few months. Thank you for taking me around the town, introducing me to the local delicacies, hospitalities and show me how most people live in BD. It added colour to my stay

I vividly remember when one Bangladeshi lady said to me “Fani… if you want to know Bangladesh. Try to go out of the expat bubble (Gulshan, Banani, Baridhara).” So I asked him to show me around and he agreed. We did that while we did a long distance road running or photography hunting.

Sadly, some people said that I should not hang out with him because we are not at the same level. I just laughed and asked “What is the god damn fvcking level? No matter how much money you make/have, you take the knife and cut yourself, your blood is still the same with the rest, RED. And when you die, you all turn to be dust.”

I am glad that I ignored what they said and followed my value ~Respect and value people not based on their money but their character~. As a result, my BD life is more colourful. Once again, thank you. Take care of yourself and see you soon.
Photo by @scholastikasastranegara.
Ps: let nobody undervalue you, stay humble and be kind even to those who have done wrong to you. #loveislove #bangladesh #herstory #dhaka

Ride the bus

Notes: Recovery

www.It was all started in 2009 when a doctor told me that I would only have another 10 years to live if my liver problem was being treated. He did not give me any choice because he saw me as a poor student and the treatment was expensive. I was only 21 years old university student back then. So he only gave me some dodgy vitamin. I was afraid & terrified.

What would I have achieved by the age of 31 y.o? Would I be a successful woman?” I was terrified. I was in a relationship that time, I told him & gave choices either to stay or to leave. He stood by me, so he said. He did, he still is. He then found one of best doctor in Southeast Asia.

We met her in SG. After test & consultation, she told me that everything would be okay as long as it is treated properly. I was not really convinced but we went ahead with the treatment. It was a strong drug. After 2 years, it showed a significant improvement and the doctor stopped the treatment. I was very happy. I thought the first doctor was full of b.s.

Yet, I was still afraid that I might die at the age of 31. So I worked so hard to achieve everything that I wanted in life. “I only had 10 years, got no time to waste.” That’s what I said to myself. Jakarta’s life was not that easy & it made life circumstances harder. This led me into #depressionand #anxiety.

I must say that time I often felt that I was worthless, no point of living this life and I always kept distance from anyone. I became an unpleasant person to be around with and I built Great Wall from my friends and family. I would not talk to anyone unless I wanted to. It came to the point where I tried to kill myself and landed in hospital several times. Pills, knife and car accident. I was out of my head. And yet, I was still alive.

Nobody told me that I needed a help but I thought that I needed professional help. So I looked around and found one. Unfortunately, some physicists that I saw were being judgmental. It didn’t work. Yet, they prescribed me with anti-depression. I become dependent. From 0.125 mg to 2.5 mg. Higher & higher. The 2.5mg didn’t work anymore.

Out of the unknown, these anti depressant pills were bad for my liver. My problem returned & worse. It got me more depressed. I then started believing what the first doctor said that I am indeed going to die by the age of 31 y.o I was lost & didn’t know what to do. And one day, a friend took me to #running track to cope with my depression for the very first time & it was hard

Ride the bus