Notes: Recovery

www.It was all started in 2009 when a doctor told me that I would only have another 10 years to live if my liver problem was being treated. He did not give me any choice because he saw me as a poor student and the treatment was expensive. I was only 21 years old university student back then. So he only gave me some dodgy vitamin. I was afraid & terrified.

What would I have achieved by the age of 31 y.o? Would I be a successful woman?” I was terrified. I was in a relationship that time, I told him & gave choices either to stay or to leave. He stood by me, so he said. He did, he still is. He then found one of best doctor in Southeast Asia.

We met her in SG. After test & consultation, she told me that everything would be okay as long as it is treated properly. I was not really convinced but we went ahead with the treatment. It was a strong drug. After 2 years, it showed a significant improvement and the doctor stopped the treatment. I was very happy. I thought the first doctor was full of b.s.

Yet, I was still afraid that I might die at the age of 31. So I worked so hard to achieve everything that I wanted in life. “I only had 10 years, got no time to waste.” That’s what I said to myself. Jakarta’s life was not that easy & it made life circumstances harder. This led me into #depressionand #anxiety.

I must say that time I often felt that I was worthless, no point of living this life and I always kept distance from anyone. I became an unpleasant person to be around with and I built Great Wall from my friends and family. I would not talk to anyone unless I wanted to. It came to the point where I tried to kill myself and landed in hospital several times. Pills, knife and car accident. I was out of my head. And yet, I was still alive.

Nobody told me that I needed a help but I thought that I needed professional help. So I looked around and found one. Unfortunately, some physicists that I saw were being judgmental. It didn’t work. Yet, they prescribed me with anti-depression. I become dependent. From 0.125 mg to 2.5 mg. Higher & higher. The 2.5mg didn’t work anymore.

Out of the unknown, these anti depressant pills were bad for my liver. My problem returned & worse. It got me more depressed. I then started believing what the first doctor said that I am indeed going to die by the age of 31 y.o I was lost & didn’t know what to do. And one day, a friend took me to #running track to cope with my depression for the very first time & it was hard

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Wardrobe: Warm Sunday

Sunday Service's Outfit [2014: Chacky]

Sunday Service’s Outfit [2014: Chacky]

Hi readers…. it’s Sunday again! The weather has not been really friendly to the Jakartans in these last few days. It has been raining heavily nearly every night. Just like early last year, Jakarta is flooding again. Thankfully I am living in Southern Jakarta, where the heavy rain rarely caused flood in these area.

Despite the fact it was dark yet cloudy, I tried to have fun on Sunday by going to church and lunch with my Heirwid and Chacky. You might ask yourself “What kind of fun does she have in the church? Have fun in the church? That sounds weird!”

Well if you watched Sex and The City sit-com, you might still remember what Carrie said about church and fashion when she saw Mr. Big at the church with his mom.

She said “As I watched people leaving church, I was amazed at how they looked. Valentino, Escada, Oscar de la Renta. What is it about God and fashion that go so well together?And suddenly, there he was wearing Armani on Sunday.

So here I was wearing something  quite different today. I wore something, which is elegantly warm and sexy (at least that’s what I think). Somehow I love the look of myself.

Honestly I haven’t been taking care of myself since November because of stress. I got some complaints from some of my friends that I didn’t look well because I didn’t take care myself well, didn’t cut my hair or even facial. And here I am getting back on my feet again. What do you think?

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Wardrobe: Tripping

Tripping [2013: E R]

Tripping [2013: E R]

Last week, I went to my hometown, the city of Yogyakarta for three days.  Yogyakarta is one of popular tourist destination in Indonesia. It is also known as a student city and cultural city with relatively simple yet slow-paced lifestyle.

Therefore whenever I am there, I like to dress casually with short, tank top and sandal as it is not such a good place to walk around in high heels or fancy shoes.

So here I was wearing a simple tank top, classic short denim, canvas handbag, slipper and handmade hairband from a local art showroom in Prawirotaman.

Have a fabulous weekend readers…
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