Catatan: Pasien Dungu

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Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it- Ecclesiastes 12:7

Sebelum tahun 2010, saya adalah pasien dungu. Seperti pasien kebanyakan, saya  selalu manut kata dokter setiap kali berkunjung pada tuan/nyonya dokter. Kalau mereka bilang saya sakit flu dan harus mengkonsumsi oseltamivir atau zanamivir sebagai obat sebagaimana ditulis dalam resep, tanpa banyak berpikir saya langsung menebus resep tersebut. Atau, ketika mereka mendiagnosa saya dengan penyakit lambung dan harus mengkonsumsi antibiotik, tanpa berpikir banyak lagi-lagi saya langsung menebus resep tersebut. Jujur saja, saya enggak pernah bertanya apakah obat tersebut hanyalah satu-satunya jalan yang menyembuhkan saya dari penyakit tersebut atau ada alternatif lain. Saya pun juga enggak pernah menanyakan kekurangan dan kelebihan dari obat tersebut. Maklum, dulu saya sering menganggap bahwa tuan dan nyonya dokter adalah satu-satunya kelompok manusia yang tahu bagaimana menyembuhkan penyakit manusia maupun binatang (untuk dokter hewan tentunya), kira-kira sebelas dua belas dengan dewa lah. Apalagi waktu itu saya masih seorang mahasiswa, belum ada kesadaran bagaimana menjadi seorang pasien a.k.a konsumen yang baik atau hidup sehat. Namun hal tersebut berubah sejak tahun 2009 ketika seorang dokter mendiagnosa saya dengan adanya gangguan liver dan “meramalkan” bahwa saya hanya memiliki 10 tahun lagi untuk hidup. “What the phvck? What have I done? What would I have achieved within 10 years?!” kata saya dalam hati. Lalu apa yang saya lakukan?

Well, saya pun kemudian mencari second opinion dari seorang dokter penyakit dalam di Yogyakarta. Seorang dokter dengan penampilan sebagai seorang umat beragama yang taat. Nyonya dokter kemudian menanyakan gaya hidup saya, apakah saya suka minum, apakah saya melakukan meggunakan narkoba dengan jarum suntik, apakah saya memiliki pasangan seks banyak dan lain sebagainya. Lucunya, nyonya dokter ini justru menjudge gaya hidup saya sebagai social drinker tanpa bisa membedakannya dengan seorang alcoholic, seorang candu, oleh karena itu saya harus menanggung resikonya. “What the heck?! You orang gila semua!” kata saya dalam hati. Tentu, saya frustrasi, takut.

Saya jadi ragu apakah tuan dan nyonya dokter ini adalah dukun atau orang berpendidikan? They seem having no idea how to interact  and or communicate the problem with their patients. Saya pun kembali ke tuan dokter di Bali. Meskipun tuan dokter telah meramalkan sisa waktu hidup saya, tuan dokter yang memiliki gelar profesor ini mengatakan bahwa saya bisa hidup lebih lama dengan catatan saya harus mengkonsumsi obat seharga 4 juta Rupiah per bulan seumur hidup atau 6 juta Rupiah per minggu. Belum lagi, suatu hari nanti, saya akan membutuhkan liver transplant. “Holy cow! How would I be able to afford it? Other than that, even if I had a good job and earn good money, I would rather to enjoy it!” Interestingly enough, tanpa bertanya ini-itu, tuan dokter akhirnya hanya memberikan vitamin yang konon katanya bisa memperkuat liver karena menganggap saya enggak mampu untuk membeli obat-obatan itu. “Well, that was true that I could not afford it back then. However, he could have asked than just prescribed me with some b.s vitamin kan?” As a result, bukannya semakin baik tapi semakin buruk. “Jesus! Mati beneran gue!”

Setelah melakukan riset sana sini, kita pun memutuskan ke Singapura, the best medical tourism destination in Southeast Asia. Tentu, kami tidak ke Mt. Elizabeth Hospital, mahal bok! Itu kan rumah sakitnya orang berduit. Kami hanya ke National University Hospital, rumah sakit pemerintah yang sekaligus berfungsi universitas yang terus melakukan riset. Selain itu, rumah sakit ini menawarkan servis dengan biaya yang miring bahkan jauh lebih murah dari rumah sakit internasional di Bali atau Jakarta. Kami pun enggak hanya melakukan riset akan biaya rumah sakit tersebut tetapi juga education background tuan/nyonya dokter yang kami temui. Dan ternyata pendekatan nyonya dokter sangat berbeda.

Kami cerita semua pengalaman kami dengan tuan dan nyonya dukun eh dokter dari Indonesia. Nyonya dokter sangat kaget dan heran kok ada dokter yang meramalkan lama hidup seseorang tanpa melakukan comprehensive liver check up apalagi dia adalah seorang profesor. Dia pun kemudian menjelaskan secara detail tentang gangguan liver tersebut, dia menyarankan saya untuk melakukan sejumlah test dari liver test ulang, usg dan juga liver biopsy. Setelah dua minggu menunggu hasil lab keluar, kami bertemu lagi dengan nyonya dokter. Menariknya, bukannya dia langsung memberikan saya resep tapi justru memberikan beberapa alternatif tentang pengobatan yang bisa saya ambil.

  • Obat A, harganya X, hanya dikonsumsi selama 1 tahun. Nyonya dokter mengatakan bahwa obat A baru digunakan dalam 5 tahun terakhir per 2009. Sejauh ini, hasil riset menunjukkan bahwa meskipun banyak yang sembuh dalam kurun waktu 2 tahun saja tetapi karena ini obat baru maka belum bisa dilihat efek jangka panjangnya.
  • Obat B, harganya Y, dikonsumsi selama 4 tahun berturut-turut dan aman untuk kehamilan. Obat B sudah digunakan sejak tahun 1985 sehingga sejauh ini efektivitasnya telah teruji. Harganya pun jauh lebih murah karena sudah ada versi genericnya.
  • Obat C, harganya XY, dikonsumsi selama 6 bulan dengan efek samping depresi, rambut rontok, kehilangan napsu makan, dll. Obat ini sudah digunakan sejak tahun 1995. Harganya pun tinggi.

Dari sini saya belajar bahwa seorang dokter seharusnya enggak meramalkan hidup seseorang tanpa melakukan comprehensive medical test apalagi menghakimi gaya hidup seseorang tanpa memberikan solusi yang efektif. Solusi yang diberikan pun harus beragam kalau memang ada pilihan sehingga tuan dan nyonya dokter tidak hanya jualan obat saja. Saya jadi ingat akan pembicaraan saya dengan seorang tuan dokter dari asosiasi dokter mengenai isu ini. Menariknya, tuan dokter mengatakan bahwa dokter enggak memiliki waktu yang banyak untuk memberikan penjelasan yang detail karena gaji dokter kecil sehingga alternatif pendapatan adalah dengan menjual obat. Perlu diketahui bahwa penjualan industri farmasi dunia mencapai 1 trillion USD per 2014, tanpa campur tangan dokter perusahaan tersebut tentu target tersebut enggak bisa diraih dengan mudah. Tapi tentu saja, saya enggak bisa mengeneralisasikan hal ini. Saya percaya ada juga tuan/nyonya dokter yang ingin memberguna bagi masyarakatnya.

Sejak saat itu, sebelum saya ke dokter, saya melakukan dekstop research terutama dan scientific journal dan artikel di mainstream media tentang apa yang saya alami termasuk ketika saya hamil sekarang ini. Saya pun lumayan nyinyir dengan dokter apalagi kalau sudah memberikan saya resep yang panjang apalagi kalau enggak memberikan penjelasan tentang obat tersebut.

Sometimes, it is not about how much we spend but also its long-term effect to our health and body esp. liver as well as kidney. What is the point to have a lot of money and adequate insurance tapi sakit melulu hanya karena kita menjadi pasien/konsumen dungu, manut-manut saja dengan tuan/nyonya dokter hanya karena mereka dokter. Ya kan?

Ride the bus

 

Kitchen: Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk

Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk [2016:EO]

Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk [2016:EO]

One of my favorite chicken dish is Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk, it is a Balinese spiced roasted chicken which is served with boiled spinach water (kangkung), fried peanuts, Balinese raw chili (sambal matah) and plain white rice. I must say that I had it quite regularly when I lived in Jakarta because it is very tasty and filling. When I lived in Jakarta, I normally went to Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk in Jalan Wolter Mongisidi, Kebayoran Baru which was close to both my office as well as my home. I never tried to make one at home. However, since I got pregnant and have been craving for various Indonesian cuisines including Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk, I decided to give a shot and the result is pretty good. It is very easy but it takes sometimes.

Ingredients 

  1. 1  whole chicken
  2. 2  stems of lemon grass (crush)
  3. 2  bay leaves
  4. 1 large banana leaves to wrap the chicken
  5. aluminium foil
  6. 80 ml of vegetable oil
  7. 15 chili
  8. 4 cm of fresh ginger
  9. 4 cm of fresh turmeric (roasted)
  10. 4 cm of fresh galangal
  11. 2 stems of lemon grass (chopped)
  12. 10 shallots
  13. 6 garlic
  14. 4 candlenut
  15. 1 tsp of coriander seed
  16. 4 kaffir lime leaves
  17. 1/2 tsp black-pepper
  18. 2 tsp salt

Ingredients for Sambal Matah 

  1. 2  garlic (finely chopped)
  2. 8 shallot (finely chopped)
  3. 1/2 tsp of dried shrimp paste (quickly grilled)
  4. 10 red chilli (finely chopped)
  5. 2 stems of lemon grass (finely chopped)
  6. 2 kaffir lime leaves (finely chopped)
  7. 1/2 tbs sugar
  8. 1/2 tsp salt
  9. 1 tbs lemon juice
  10. 3 tbs coconut oil

Directions:

  1. Wash the chicken, pat it dry and place it aside;
  2. Seasoning paste: In food processor, process chili, ginger, turmeric, galangal, lemon grass, shallot, garlic, candlenut, coriander seed, kaffir lime leaves, blackener and salt until finely ground;
  3. In frying pan, heat the vegetable oil over medium heat, add the seasoning paste and cook it for 4 minutes;
  4. Over banana leaves, place the chicken and spread the cooked seasoning paste evenly over the chicken, including inside the chicken;
  5. Wrap in banana leaves and wrap it again in aluminum foil;
  6. Steam the chicken over medium-high heat for 2 hours;
  7. After being steamed, roast the chicken at 185 C for 2 hours.
  8. Sambal Matah: place all sambal matah ingredients into a small bowl and mix it together; heat the coconut oil over medium heat for 3 minutes; pour the heated coconut oil into the mixed ingredients and stir it all the ingredients well.
  9. Serve Ayam Betutu Gilimanuk with plain rice, sambal matah, fried peanuts and boiled spinach water.

Happy cooking!

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Hotel K: The Shocking Inside Story of Bali’s Notorious Jail

Bali has been known as a paradise for surfers, beach lovers as well as party animals. Bali’s natural beauty and distinctive culture somehow have been able to attract millions of travelers to visit the Island of God annually for decades. Yet, the Island of God is not free from the dark world including drug cartel. Wide range drugs from  weed, cocaine to heroines with various qualities are available in the island. Anyone who wants it, they can get it as long as they have money for it and know where to get it. However, drug is illegal in Indonesia. Even small quantity of drugs can bring anyone to long jail sentence, heavy fines as well as cost thousands of dollars to get your freedom back. A Nepalese inmate Den was quoted in the Hotel K: The Shocking Inside Story of Bali’s Notorious Jail saying that “If you want to have a little bit of freedom, you need to pay money, including for beer, movie or even girl (sex worker).” Otherwise, you will end up living miserably in the jail cell.

Hotel K: The Shocking Inside Story of Bali’s Notorious Jail is written by an Australian journalist, Kathryn Bonella who is also the author of No More Tomorrow Schapelle Corby as a warning for travelers. Any holiday can turn to be a nightmare any moment as soon as they are dealing with drugs in the Island of God. With the main source Ruggiero, a Brazilian inmates who was arrested for possessing 146 g of hashish, 43 g of cocaine and one green ecstasy pill, and few other foreign national inmates, Ms. Bonella is trying to bringing the readers inside the Hotel K. Not a fancy villa with private swimming pool and hot shower but a pig house with filthy bathroom, dried poops and dead rats in the water tank. It is just dilapidated.

Through 301 pages of book, Ms. Bonella describes how complicated dealing with Indonesian justice system is and how corrupt Indonesian justice system is -be in the police station, the court as well as inside the jail- is. Really? Is Indonesian justice system corrupt? Yes and it is not surprising. Previously, one of Indonesian top lawyer Hotman Paris was even quoted by various international media outlets including  New York Times and The Age  saying how unclean Indonesian justice system is.

And yet, life does not get any cheaper as soon as one goes inside the prison, one would need to continue to pay their bill as if they are freeman as there is nothing free inside. Interestingly enough, inmates are not only able to buy mineral water, soap or instant noodle but also  beer, weed, cocaine as well as heroin inside Kerobokan prison. What? You could even purchase drugs inside the prison? Yes. That is indeed interesting.

 “Kerobokan is drug paradise. Drugs all the time. No special time for drug. Drugs twenty-four hours. You smoke cigarette, you smoke shabu. The party was daily. Every single day after lunch we’d sit outside and get pissed, those who want to smoke shabu, smoke shabu; those who want to use smack, use smack. That’s on daily basis. ” Brazilian inmates Ruggiero told Ms. Bonella. (132)

So the question is now being “Does arresting drug dealer/runner actually have a significant deterrent effect to them? Will they ever stop of doing their drug business?” No, it does not seem so.

Arman wishes to become Hotel K’s drug lord. He was selling huge quantity of drugs inside and outside, paying Laskar (Bali) for protection, and prisoners and guards to work as couriers supplying bars and club across Bali. Arman made at least 100 million Rupiah a day, sometimes 300 million Rupiah a day. Many times I saw the guy folding up the whole lot of money. He sold shabu, heroine, ecstasy  ganja, hasish, cocaine.” (196) 

I must say that it is slightly shocking but I believe that public actually has acknowledged it through media reports over the years. Even recently, a drug lord Freddy Budiman, who was sentenced to death in 2013, openly admitted that he is still running his business from the jail cell with the help of prison guards because the China-based  drug syndicate does not have any other ‘distributor’ in Indonesia.

Honestly sometimes I wonder how dangerous drugs are? Hotel K gave me clues and  I found it interesting

“With Laskar and Arman pushing drugs and offering unlimited credits to westerners, many inmates let their drug bills spiral out of control. If they couldn’t pay up when Arman called in the cashed, the consequences were deadly.

Many of the westerners who lost control of their drug bills got cash from their parents or friends to avoid being bashed.

Juri (an Italian inmates) lied in any way necessary to get cash from friends and family for his heroin bills.  (198)

You see? Reading Hotel K makes me understand why President Joko “Jokowi” Widodo has declared war on drugs. As a president, he refuses to grant president clemency to drug dealers or runners because the drug dealers and runners cannot just be stopped and they do not want to stop. Other than that, an addict would eventually not just hurt themselves in many ways but also their family.

Interestingly enough, it is not only drug dealers who cannot stop themselves from committing crimes when they are in prison. Other criminal still do including  scammers and thugs.

Benoit was one of three Africans doing time for a fake American dollar scam. All three were now acting in sync in Hotel K to find investors among the wealthy drug bosses. Benoit was working with Afong and the third African named Karim. (178)

I must say that I enjoyed reading Hotel K because it was produced through interviews and document research which means it can be quiet objective. It opened my eyes. It brought my imagination inside Kerobokan Prison. It shows the readers what kind of people end up in the prison and what kind of life inmates have inside the jail. It is scary. It drives you insane and brings depression. It kills your soul. Other than that, even though you can buy your freedom by bribing the guards, it is not a life inside the jail cell. For me, it would be very wise to not ignore the warning while you are visiting Bali, the Island of God, the paradise as your holiday can turn into a nightmare any moment.

Yet, I asked myself “Should I buy Ruggiero’s stories especially Ruggiero told Ms. Bonella  the Balinese hate foreigners, they are so jealous simply because only one Balinese guy snitched on him?” He seems like to generalize things and many of his comments sound to be angry or coming from a talker. Well “Snowing in Bali: The Incredible Inside Account of Bali’s Hidden Drug World” has more stories to tell and makes the readers understand about who Ruggiero is. Juicy and eye-opening!

 

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Indonesia: Death Row and Drug World

Indonesia will soon make another international headline as the Attorney General Office has been preparing the execution of drug convicts after executing 14 drug convicts last year. Despite the fact AGO has not published the names and the dates,  Beritasatu TV has reported the names of nine drug convicts who would be executed within weeks.

As many of you might be aware that under President Joko “Jokowi” Widodo’s administration, the Indonesia government has declared war on drugs. President Jokowi stated that he refuses to grant any presidential clemency requested by drug convicts. As a result, any drug convicts, who have been sentenced to death by the court, would be executed. The government believe that capital punishment would give a deterrent impact and eventually stop drug trafficking in Indonesia. Nevertheless, this step has triggered controversy both in the national and international level.

Many argue that capital punishment is not the answer to the drug problem in the country and it is considered against human right. The government ignores the noise and carries the punishment anyway. As a sovereign state, Indonesia has its rules and regulations which could be implemented. The only way to stop capital punishment is by urging the government to revoke the capital punishment from the regulation. Yet, as I listened to the national radio program, many people actually also support the government decision to execute the drug convicts to tackle the drug problem because it is worrying.

Interestingly enough, some media reported how inhumane Indonesian government is because the government of Indonesia did not give notification about their execution to the convicts as well as the family. Is it true? I doubt it. Hence, it got me wondering “If some want to defend the drug dealers and trafficker from being executed, what do we really know about those drugs convicts? Should we have sympathy toward them?” I do not know.

So last month, I came across to two books titled “Hotel K: The Shocking Inside Story of Bali’s Notorious Jail” and “Snowing in Bali: The Incredible Inside Account of Bali’s Hidden Drug World” at a bookstore in Ngurah Rai Airport Bali. I found the title and cover very interesting. I read the blurb. It seems to be juicy, it is about crimes, drugs, sex and politics in Indonesia. I decided to buy two of them.

Yet, I was actually bit sceptical because of this book was part of a trilogy written by Australian author Kathryn Bonella who wrote “No More Tomorrows Schapelle Corby“. You might wonder “And so?

Well, Schapelle Corby was a convicted drug runner, who was found guilty of smuggling 4.2 kg of marijuana into Bali in 2004.  Denpasar District Court sentenced Corby 20 years imprisonment on May 2005. Since then, she has consistently claimed that she was innocent and fought for her release by filing appeals, judicial reviews as well as request for presidential clemency. On March 2010, she filed presidential clemency claiming that she has been suffering from mental illness. She eventually won the presidential pardon under the administration of President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono on February 2012. She was then released on February 2014 but must remain in Indonesia to July 2017.

The thing is rumour has it that the release of Corby was actually part of government deal whereby the SBY government had struck a deal with the Australian government to extradite an Indonesian fugitive Adrian Kiki Ariawan, a graft convict who fled to Australia in 2003. However, former Vice Minister of Law and Human Rights Denny Indrayana denied that the extradition of Adrian Kiki Ariawan had something to do with the release of Schapelle Corby.

Unfortunately, I have a conspiratorial mind and I was suspicious. I said to myself, perhaps these books are actually forms of pressure to the Indonesian government to release Corby. Is it possible? But who is Corby? How important she is?  Was she a mule or a horse? Was she really a victim? Or did she play a victim? Is it a way for a convict drug dealer to escaping heavy punishment by claiming that they are suffering from mental illness?

And by the way, one of her lawyers was Hotman Paris. How much did she pay him? Is she coming from a filthy rich family? How could she afford him? Where is the money coming from? Or is this book just a form of comprehensive criticism to the Indonesian justice system?

I must say that it is hard to tell. Everyone has their own story. Everyone has their own agenda. We cannot just buy her stories through media, including books. Right?

So I began to read these books to find the answers and the red line. Instead of finding the answers, I actually start to have more questions. Yet, I must say that these books are eye-opening and easy to read for non-English speaker. If you want to know further, you can check my upcoming post on “Hotel K: The Shocking Inside Story of Bali’s Notorious Jail” and “Snowing in Bali: The Incredible Inside Account of Bali’s Hidden Drug World“‘s review.

Ride the bus

Notes: So I Run

Trying to catching up on my time [2014: E R]

Trying to catching up on my time [2014: E R]

When I am upset and depressed, I run. While I am running, I am crying. Nobody knows but I feel good about it. Nobody sees the tears behind the shade that I  wear; nobody sees that there is a weak and fragile soul behind the strong body. Nobody.

At the end, everyone has their own struggle that they have to deal with. Hence, I prefer to run. It gives me time to talk to myself and do a self reflection. So I run, I run as far and as fast as I can shake my burden away.

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BJ: Ignorance to The Warning

Jobs answered the Lord “I know Lord that You are all-powerful that you can do everything you want. You ask how I dare question your wisdom when I am so very ignorant. I talked about things that I did not understand, about marvels too great for me to know.

You told me while you spoke and try to answer your questions. In the past, I only knew what others had told me but now I have seen with you with my own eyes. So I am ashamed of all I have said and repent in dust and ashes (Jobs 42: 1-6)

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Notes: Rahajeng Nyanggra Rahina Galungan

Balinese family were receiving holy water before starting their prayer. [2013: E O]

Balinese family were receiving holy water before starting their prayer. [2013: E O]

Dressing up in Balinese kebaya and white kook or safari, Balinese women and men were marching down to the nearest temple to say their morning prayer and give their offering. Today, Balinese are celebrating Galungan day.

Galungan is celebrated to remind human beings that we should always fight the battle against the bad habit and evil desires. It is celebrated once in 210 days according to the Balinese calendar.

On Galungan day, usually Balinese decorate their house and their temple. The most striking and noticeable decoration is penjor that they put in front of their house. Penjor is a bamboo pool which is decorated with unhulled rice, coconut leaves and coconut, which represent the nature.

To all my Hindu Balinese friends, Rahajeng nyanggra rahina Galungan lan Kuningan

Balinese man was receiving holy water from Jero Truni before starting his prayer [2013: E O]

Balinese man was receiving holy water from Jero Truni before starting his prayer [2013: E O]

Offering flower [2013: E O]

Offering flower [2013: E O]

Jero truno truni helped Pemangku to give holy water to the Hindu Balinese before they started their prayer [2013: E O]

Jero truno truni helped Pemangku to give holy water to the Hindu Balinese before they started their prayer [2013: E O]

Pemangku / Priest gave holy water to Balinese before they started their morning prayer on Galungan day in the Nyuh Kuning temple [2013: E O]

Pemangku / Priest gave holy water to Balinese before they started their morning prayer on Galungan day in the Nyuh Kuning temple [2013: E O]

Balinese women were purchasing offering flower in Ubud Market [2013: E O]

Balinese women were purchasing offering flower in Ubud Market [2013: E O]

Balinese women were carrying offering to the temple on Galungan day. [2013: E O]

Balinese women were carrying offering to the temple on Galungan day. [2013: E O]

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Notes: Safe Flight to Heaven Adit

Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it- Ecclesiastes 12:7

Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it- Ecclesiastes 12:7

Then the dust will return to the earth as it was, and the spirit will return to God who gave it – Ecclesiastes 12:7

Nobody knows the mystery of life. And I just cannot believe that he is gone forever. He is Richardo Dicky Aditya. He is my beloved cousin, brother and homie. He’s gone in a very young age. And everyone agreed that he is very young when he’s gone. He is only 25 years old.

It was just last Sunday at 11 a.m. when I was still talking to him via BBM (Blackberry Messenger) and asking his condition. He told me that he was getting better. But seven hours later, my sister called me. She told me that Adit passed away, that he’s just gone forever.

“Is it real? Am I in a dreamland? Why? How come? I just talked to him few hours ago and he is gone now?” I asked to myself.

I was rendered speechless. I was stoned. I was shocked. Tears just streamed down my face. I just could not believe the news that I heard from my sister. Adit passed away.

*

Adit and I [Yogyakarta, 2011]

Adit and I [Yogyakarta, 2011]

I missed the last flight from Jakarta to Yogyakarta on Sunday night as I only had an hour to catch the last flight. I decided to take a morning flight at 07:55 a.m on Monday.  And as soon as I landed, I went straight to Adit’s house with my best friend Olen.

On my way to Adit’s house, I still could not believe that the reason  I went to Yogya was just to say my last goodbye to Adit. “What my last goodbye? Where is he going?” Part of me asked myself because  I just still could not believe that Adit passed away, that he left his family, lover and friends just like that. I just could not believe. No, I could not believe it.

In a second I arrived at Adit’s house, I saw Yusak, he hugged me and broke in tears. He lost his very best friend in his life. We still could not believe that it really happened. We still could not believe that Adit was taken away without any warning or spoken words.  He’s just gone away. He left us with no warning. And no, we still could not believe it.

But it was real, it was not a dream.  Wearing a pair of black suit, Adit was lied in a white coffin. He smiled. He looks as if he was just sleeping but very peacefully. In a fact, he has been taken away from us to a better place by God. He’s gone forever.

Tried to staying strong, Bu Ida, Adit’s mom, was clearly in pain. Tears streamed down her cheek as she remembered every memory of her beloved son. Stared at his face, she felt his soul. She lost her only son, she lost her beloved friend.

Standing on the left side of Adit’s coffin, wearing a black shirt, Bu Ida told me that he’s gone in peace now. It’s so much better than he had to stay in pain. She accepted his death and let him go. She believed that one day she would unite with him again as one family in the Kingdom of God.

Adit’s death is just so hard to be faced by everyone who knows him, who loves him but we understood it very well that he is now in a better place with Jesus Christ, our Lord.

*

Our small gang, Yusak, Adit, Bebek and I [Yogyakarta, November 2012]

Our small gang, Yusak, Adit, Bebek and I [Yogyakarta, November 2012]

Yusak, I, Olen, Nocky and Adit [Yogyakarta, 2010]

Yusak, I, Olen, Nocky and Adit [Yogyakarta, 2010]

Adit and I were actually second cousin. We have never been very close before.  As we hang out at the same place, Bayonet,  Adit and I started getting very close. It was even closer than any of my relationship with my first cousin.

I just found Adit as a very friendly, fun, humble, smart and open-minded person to be around. We could talk about anything without having feeling ashamed or afraid.  We could just be ourselves and talked openly.

Apparently, as we hang out a lot, we established a small gang that consist of 4 people since new year eve 2009. The four were Adit, Yusak, Bebek and I. There were just so many memories that I could not really explain one by one here. Laughter and tears, disappointment and anger, joy and happiness, we shared all together.

Yusak, I and Adit [Semarang, 2009]

Yusak, I and Adit [Semarang, 2009]

Adit… He is a really good boy, good friend, good brother, good homie. He is a genuinely kind person with a good heart. He has never been cruel or mean toward me. Hence, I appointed him as the witness of my marriage from my side in 2011.  But unfortunately, he does not meet any requirement as the witness because he has not got married before. It was then replaced by Bu Ida, his mom. And it is okay. They both are cool person.

It’s still ringing in my ear whenever Adit called me ‘Nyah’ from the word ‘Nyonyah’ or ‘Madam’ every time we were going to gossiping or talking about something. But now… I would never hear his distinctive voice and tone again while he called me ‘Nyah’. It would only be a memory that would stay in my mind and my heart.

I am glad that I could make my way to Yogyakarta last November to hang out with Adit, Yusak and Bebek. It was the last time we could hang out together, four of us. After that time, Yusak moved to Surabaya, Adit moved to Bali, Bebek went back to Bandung and I went back to Jakarta. It was just difficult to find a time to hang out together again as we used to do as we are busy with our own work.

Adit,

I know you are in a better place now, up in Heaven with God and Angels up above. There were no words that I could write to express how upset I am for losing you. You have been such a great friend, brother, cousin and family to me. I would never forget you and I would always miss you. Safe flight to heaven Adit….

Love

Fani

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God our Father, Your power brings us to birth, Your providence guides our life and by Your command we return to dust.  I pray for the dead, especially Richardo Dicky Aditya. May him who has been so dear to me in life find a place with you in heaven. Amen.

Have a safe flight to heaven Adit....

Have a safe flight to heaven Adit….

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We were at my after wedding party at Vino Bar [Yogyakarta, 2011]

We were at my after wedding party at Vino Bar [Yogyakarta, 2011]

Malam Midodareni [Yogyakarta, 2011]

Malam Midodareni [Yogyakarta, 2011]

Three of us [Jakarta, 2012]

Three of us [Jakarta, 2012]

Three of us [Yogyakarta, 2010]

Three of us [Yogyakarta, 2010]

Student's life [Yogyakarta, 2009]

Student’s life [Yogyakarta, 2009]

We shared our laughter [Yogyakarta, 2009]

We shared our laughter [Yogyakarta, 2009]

Ride the bus

Ride the bus