As I scrolled down my Facebook’s news feed this morning, I came across to a piece titled “I didn’t realize my husband was depressed until we divorced“. It was published by British media outlet Telegraph. It is a very interesting piece. Worth reading. And when I read it, I feel like deja vu.
Over the years, I learnt that the key to understand that other people are being depressed is by looking into ourselves first. Whether are we at the right stage of mind or not? And then, we will be able to see other people’s problem.
When we are in a serious long term relationship be it being married or engaged, communication is very important to keep the relationship going. It is true that we should not ignore any behavior changing of our partner as humanly as possible. However, it is not as easy as it is said especially when both of them are not at right state of mind.
In that situation, the couple then normally will not be able to communicate rationally, the couple will not be able to see things clearly. The woman will always sound nagging and the man will always sound angry all the time. And if the couple are not willing to see it within themselves and admit it (that they are not at the right stage of mind or depressed), it’s hard to change the situation.
The thing is many people do not want to accept or admit that themselves or their partner are being depressed because many still consider or associate depression with mental illness, which is embarrassing for many.
It then causes depression rooted within oneself and makes the situation worse because of ignorance. Screaming. Yelling. Glass shattered. Hospital. Self harm. Committing suicide. Getting drunk. Saying nasty things to each other. Etc. It can be very horrible and traumatic.
I can write this because I have been there. We decided to take time to be apart to examine ourselves because it is not healthy for two angry yet depressed people staying under the same roof regardless the feeling that they have for each other.
For me, the only solution is that I have to learn to love myself before I love other people. “Loving yourself” might sound easy but if you are ambitious person and living in the fast moving world yet competitive, it’s just not easy.
Why? You just want to achieve more and more for yourself. And when two ambitious people get together, “loving yourself” becomes difficult because the individuals have to sacrifice one thing and another for the sake of relationship. The question is are we ready to do so, place the relationship before the career?