Notes: Dear You, I Love You

We are you and I.

It was started from a very simple crush,
on my journey of searching to the beloved one,
on my journey of healing my broken heart.

I still remember how did I bump into you,
You were a totally stranger for me,
and I appeared the same for you.

We were sharing our story by the pool,
about you and me,
about what you wanted,
and about what I wanted.

You promised me something,
that you would never disappear without any word,
that you would meet me again.

I was not so sure how I felt for you,
I was not so sure how much I want you,
and I just wanted an answer for my uncertainty feeling.

I took a risk,
I made a trip to see you in a very strange land,
with no experience of going abroad.

And it was started from a very simple crush,
when I met you for the second time,
I thought I found the answer of my uncertainty,
that I fell . . . for you.

It was nearly two years ago,
a story between you and me was started,
and it was from a very simple crush.

There are laughter and tear,
patience and fight,
smiling face and also sad eyes,
they are all coloring our story.

One day in the end of August 2009,
we found out about my condition,
it brought me down,
so did it to you.

You told me that everything would be all right,
you promised me that you would stand by me,
and we would fight it together.

You asked here and there,
tried to find out the best way to get rid of my problem,
you wanted the best thing for me,
for you and me.

The clock is ticking,
I sip a glass of Bordeaux,
and look at our pictures in a red maroon photo album.

I ask myself,
“Who am I actually? Angel or Evil?”
“What am I looking for?”
“Have I found the one that I was looking for?”

I smile and sip for more Bordeaux,
“Why would I ask those questions to myself?,
Haven’t I found the answer in himself?”

Last night, he asked me to go home,
to be together with him as we used to be,
in our house, in our place,
a place that we call as our home.

I smile and take a deep breath,
how grateful I am to find a man that I love,
how grateful I am to find a man, who loves me,
will stand by me in whatever condition.

Then I talk to myself,
wonder if I will be able to find another man who just like him?
Exactly, like him!
I guess, not!

One more time, I sip into my glass of Bordeaux,
Say to myself,
that I don’t want to have a broken heart,
I don’t want to be on that stage anymore,
I just want to be with him till the end of love,
but let me say something,
that I am so sorry for every mistake that I have done.

Hard for me to say sorry sometimes,
but now I know how much I love you,
let me apologize for all my mistakes.

E.O

Jakarta, 29 March 2010

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