Tag Archives: Life

Notes: Strip Me Down

Few months ago, I read an article about promiscuity, women and men in the Globe and Mail. The title caught my eyes “The Truth is Sleeping Around Isn’t All That Empowering“. The article was written by Margaret Wente. I read the article over and over again for few weeks. I tried to make up my mind whether I would agree or disagree with the author’s argument.

At glance or by ONLY reading the title, I thought that the author must be very conservative. Why?  Coming from a society, which ‘glorify’ religious and cultural value, sexuality has always been seen as a bad thing and has always been linked to moral issue. Somehow it shapes my perspective, I often think everybody will think the same way. Therefore, whenever people making negative comment about women and female sexual freedom of expression, I tend to close my ears/eyes and walk away.

However, I was wrong. The article had nothing to do with religious or cultural value at all. It was not a judgmental article against female promiscuity. It was about ourselves, about respecting and valuing ourselves at the same times.

After reading Ms. Wente’s article over and over again, I asked myself why an individual, be they  woman or man, is sleeping around? These are my answers: Some people are sleeping around because they are afraid of commitment; some are sex addicts and sex adventurer; some are looking for acceptances; and some are using sex as temporary reliever from sadness, depression or frustration. Sex then become meaningless; we then become just sexual objects for others especially when we do not enjoy it.

So then I asked myself again, is that kind of sex that we wanted, meaningless sex without even gaining a friendship? Promiscuity might be fun for some. Men can try different kind of vagina, while women can try different kind of penis; and then both can experience different kind of orgasms from the excellent one, boring one to nothing at all.

However, we are mankind with feelings. Many of us are not only seeking for physical pleasure but also affection, companion, acceptance and also respect from other when (s)he is being with its opposites sex or the same sex partners.

One of the example of sexual adventurer who is longing for affection is Samantha Jones, a fictional character on American TV Series. If you happen to be the fan of Sex and The City, you must know Samantha. She is portrayed to be promiscuous woman yet very successful in her career. Samantha does not care what the society said about her lifestyle (engaging in casual sex with many sexual partners). However, later, she ends up to be in relationship with Smith, a waiter-cum-actor.

Samantha manages to stay in the relationship for four years. But she then decides to end the relationship due to their personal career, routine and also goals. Samantha points out that as much as she loves Smith, she loves to be alone.

For me, these scenes remind me that a cold heart promiscuous person is actually also longing for affection and has feelings. Yet, there are just a lot of to take to stay in the relationship.

Having said that, everyone has their own choice to please their body and fulfill their physical need. At the same time, it is worth noting that we are mankind with feeling and heart. Nevertheless, although one has no interest to be in a relationship with their sexual partner,  it is important that one just treats them properly and respectfully. Why? So they do not feel that they are only meaningless sexual object or just a piece of meat. It is applicable for both male and female sex adventurer. Hence, even only for friendship and respect, strip them down and get to know them because we are not cold-blooded vampires but human with feelings and heart.


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Notes: So I Run

Trying to catching up on my time [2014: E R]

Trying to catching up on my time [2014: E R]

When I am upset and depressed, I run. While I am running, I am crying. Nobody knows but I feel good about it. Nobody sees the tears behind the shade that I  wear; nobody sees that there is a weak and sad soul behind the strong yet sexy body. Nobody.

At the end, everyone has their own struggle that they have to deal with. Hence, I prefer to run. It gives me time to talk to myself and do a self reflection. So I run, I run as far and as fast as I can shake my burden away.


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Notes: Swipe To The Right or Left?

I just want to share a short thought about #Tinder, the latest dating or hookup mobile phone application. 

Tinder is not a new mobile phone application to me. I have heard about Tinder since last year. As always, whenever there is a new mobile application, I tend to install and sign up to it. I simply want to  understand what it is all about.

Some people said that Tinder is a dating apps, some said that it’s a hookup apps. Overall,  it helps the users to find somebody in their liking for certain purpose, i.e looking for lover or casual partners. The users can just swipe to the right if they like it or swipe to the left if they do not like it as simple as that.

I talked to some of Tinder users to understand the phenomenon. Some of them said that they use Tinder to look for phuck-buddies while some are in search of soulmate in the net. Tinder was launched in 2012, it gains popularity within smartphone users and it also gets a lot of media exposure, including by NYT as well as Vanity Fair Mag.

However, I must say that I found no novelty in Tinder. Tinder has similar principle as dating sites before the era of smartphone. Even so, I still found it interesting. I see that there are some women and men expect finding Mr.Right and Mrs. Right, while the other group expect to get as many phuck buddies as possible and only few Tinder’s users are genuinely willing, wanting or looking for friends.  

Other than that,  what I found it interesting is many people who are in relationship openly claim that they are cheating on their partners because of boring sex life. I hear these stuff from some men that I have been talking to “I am married but let’s leave my personal life aside.” Or “Good sex or running? Sex is an exercise as well.” Or “I have a long term girlfriend, we live together and she is a good girl but sometimes our sex life gets boring.” On the other hand, there are also some hypocrisy among the Tinder users. One of my Tinder friends said to me “Some girls say that “no hook-up” but as soon as the man uploaded shirtless photo with six packs, they said yes for hook-up“. 

According to some online chatting, many Tinder users claimed having an awesome job and appear to be very successful. Some of them claimed that they are bankers, lawyers,  govt officers, artists, entreprenuers, etc but I can hardly confirm there claim. However, many of them actually do not care who you are and what you do especially those who seek for casual partners. At the end, I concluded humans have become “products” in an online catalogue as soon as they use Tinder or other dating sites or apps.

Interestingly enough, as soon as they know I am a journalist, they just unmatch me. Unfortunately I found no match with female Tinder users. I am just fascinated with the world we are living these days. The modern it gets, the pathetic humans become and we end up being products behind the smartphone screen only. How ironic it is!

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Notes: Liar

Let’s ask ourselves these questions. Do you put heavy make-up to cover your pimple or skin imperfection? Do you need to purchase brand-name products? Do you max out your credit card to purchase fancy things that you cannot afford it? Do you use a photo filter or photoshop before you upload your photo online? Do you work in a company only for a monthly pay-cheque? Do you cheat on your lover or partner and stay in a relationship even you are no longer happy? Do you know that all of those are the form of lie and there are just many more form of lies out there?

Well, individual is not the only liar in our society. The governments lie, the companies lie, the religious institutions lie, the politicians lie, the religious leaders lie, the public figures lie and almost all the citizens lie. Eventually, almost all of us are liars.

However, have you ever asked yourself why you need to lie? I believe that we begin to lie because our society often tell us that we are not good enough as individuals. They say “You are not good enough because of  your skin color”;  “You are not good enough because of your ethnicity background”; “You are not good enough because of your weight”; “You are not good enough because of your job”. And you are just not good in so many ways.

Their judgment makes us feeling insecure; their judgment makes us to not accept yourself; and their judgment makes us feeling to have the need to fulfill their demand/ requirements. The worse, their judgment makes you to stop loving yourself unconditionally.  Ultimately, you have the need to lie. We do it consciously or unconsciously, to other people as well as to ourselves. As a result, we become liars.

We do not know anymore whether we need to keep our mouth shut and tell the truth or we just need to lie. At the end, lying seems to be much easier than being honest and truthful; being perfect seems to be more acceptable than being imperfect and that is what our society want from us… to be perfect! Hence, we lie. Correct me if I was wrong!



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Notes: Journey to The East Coast Magnetic City

Correct me if I am wrong; but I believe that most of the fans of Sex and The City television series have the desire to visit New York City in the United States of America. Just from the SATC TV series, NYC always appears to be very magnetic and magical; its lifestyle, its fashion and its environment seem to be very electric yet unique. Since then, it becomes one of my top travel list destination over the years and finally my dream came through. Last week, had the opportunity to visit NYC for five days. I was super super excited.

Considering to get in touch with local people, I tried to book an accommodation through the famous site AirBnB . After few e-mail exchanges with one of the host, the host mentioned that she had room for me. I was glad that I would stay at local’s house; but it did not happen. My request was cancelled just few hours before my flight.

I was so worried. I was freaking out. It was about 10 p.m, my flight would be at 8 a.m and I realized that I would not have accommodation upon my arrival. It must be a joke! However, it was not a big deal, it was manageable. I immediately booked a room from booking.com. Even though it was manageable, this experience gave me an impression that my NYC trip might not be going to be as fun as I thought it would be. Nevertheless, I was still excited anyway.


Friday morning, I arrived in the U.S. It took me an hour and half hour of flight from Toronto Billybishop Airport of Canada to Newark Liberty International Airport of the U.S. I have not reached my final destination yet. I still had to take another 30 minutes of train ride from the airport to New York Penn Station with NJ Transit Train to get to downtown Manhattan.

However, as soon as I stepped out of  New York Penn Station, I got my heart broken. My excitement level dropped significantly. The city does not appear as magnetic as it is in the television. In fact, it is very repellent. New York City is just very dirty, messy and crowded. There are just too much traffic as well as construction works. This condition made me thinking to cut my trip short before I even tested the water.

Are you sure? I asked myself. No! I guess I am just tired. It is not wise to make decision when I am unhappy. I answered.

It was only 11 a.m when I reached to Manhattan. I immediately checked-in to the Rogers New York Hotel in Madison Avenue; unfortunately I could not get into the room until 3 p.m. I wondered what I should do for the next four hours and where I should go to. I do not know. As this was my first visit to NYC, there were just too many tourist attractions that I wanted to visit, including Times Square, Liberty Statue, Ground Zero, Central Park, etc.

In order to go to those places, I had to use google maps on my iPhone because I simply was not familiar with the city; but then again, I had another problems because I only had 40 percent of phone battery power and I had no portable charger. On the top of that, I was so starving. Darn!

It made me more annoyed, cranky, devastated and also frustrated. Perfect combination to be grumpy and dislike NYC. Nevertheless, I must not let it ruin my weekend gateway  and all I need to do is to grab some foodie before I wandered about and did anything.


As I walked down in the 33 Street to grab some foodie, I saw some grey line city bus tour‘s salesman offering their services to tourist. It attracted me so I seek for the information about what kind of deal that they had for me. After 10 minutes of conversation, they offered me a 51 bucks of NYC Pass. NYC Pass can be used for Downtown, Brooklyn, Bronx as well as Night Tour within 48 hours. He also mentioned that NYC Pass is including a ferry ticket. So I guess, it was not a bad deal at all!

Considering the deal that they offered me, I decided to use their services to stroll around downtown Manhattan on the top of the bus. I thought it would be the easiest way to get lil bit of everything of the city. That way, I did not have to depend on my phone and keep some battery.

Frankly, I used to be very skeptical about the city sightseeing bus services, it seems very tacky to me. Nonetheless, I did enjoy the tour and got the sense of downtown Manhattan. It was 5.30 p.m; I ended my bus tour in Rockefeller Center and walked down to Times Square, the most crowded tourist attraction that I have ever been and I H.A.T.E it!


Since I left Toronto, I was up for 14 hours and had only 3 hours of sleep. I just felt very drained out. I really wanted to go back to the hotel and took a nap. However, I had no idea how to get there. My phone was off, the almighty google maps was unable to help me. I tried to grab a cab but I could not get any after hailing cabs for nearly an hour. I was about to cry.

Geez…. what a start?! I wore  the wrong foot wear to walk around, I got lost, I got sunburn and my phone was off. I just want to lay down now but how?!.

I looked a way to solve my minor yet devastating problem. I said to myself that I need a portable charger. So, I went to the nearest electronic shop to get a portable charger. However, after purchasing the portable charger, I realized that I actually did not bring my iPhone cable. What a drag?! How could I turn my phone on?! Should I purchase for iPhone cable (again)? No way! I felt so stupid. 

Recognizing that I had a problem, a friendly Israelite shop keeper showed me how to get back to my hotel. He told me that my hotel is actually only three blocks away from his shop. I was so happy to hear that. I just could not wait to lay down and catch some sleep after all the long walk in uncomfortable foot wear and the sunburn. All I wanted to do was sleeping.

Honestly, I  actually hate the idea of using it because it can shorten the longevity of battery; but, somehow it just is the best life safer while you are traveling.


On my way to the hotel, I stopped in a convenience store to get myself some snacks; I was extremely starving and thirsty. A friendly New Yorker said hi and talked to me; he asked how my day was going. As I was tired and upset, I started rambling. I just told him that I got my heart broken because NYC is not as magical as it is in the film or tv series; the city is dirty and crowded; it was just hard to get around to and thought to cut my trip short and return to TO.

Don’t cut your trip short, I can give you a lot of recommendation for places or things to do here,” he said. “And I’d love to take you out for a drink. Perhaps that way you won’t think that everyone in NYC is an asshole,” he said.

He also offered me to go to the beach to celebrate “Beach Day” with his friends because the country celebrate “Beach Day”, I am not sure what Beach Day actually is. Another stranger offered me the same thing because the city celebrated “Beach Day”.

I was so surprised that a total stranger could just talk to me and ask me to go out for drink like that in NYC. It did not only happen once but a couple of times in a coffee shop and connivence store on the day light. I mean, I understand if it happens in the bars or social media; but in the convenience store or coffee shop on the day light?!  Really?!

I mean, not trying to showing off but I often got compliments in TO as walking down the road, either because of my hair cut, my shoes, my shade or my outfit by total strangers. But getting invitation for drink, coffee and dinner by stranger on the street? It is surprising!

Other than that,  some people also said that New Yorkers are ignorance and rude; yet, it did not appear that way while I was there. I was wondering whether it is just the nature of New Yorker, friendly and nice, or is it something else? I must say that even though it is surprising but it made me feel very welcome and flattered at the same time.

After all, It was a fabulous five days NYC trip, I will definitely return to NYC while I am in this region.



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Notes: Social Media’s Perfect Life

Almost everybody has social media accounts these days, be it Facebook, Instagram, Path or Twitter. Social media helps us to be in touch with our long lost friends, family members, schoolmates, coworkers as well as connects us with new people. They also give us a space to have a discussion about certain issues that matter to us. At the same time, social media also gives us the opportunity to see other people’s life. But one thing about social media is that it often makes an individual feel like bad about themselves.

Since the presence of social media, many people often compare themselves or their life circumstances to other people whenever they scroll down the screen. Sometimes social media users forget that everyone has their own unique journey. I somehow feel that it is actually not healthy to be able to see other people lives through social media. Why? It’s because we start to unfairly compare ourselves to them.

Remember that everyone has their own life struggle and it just comes in different forms for each person. Not just that, some people actually find their life difficult. Unfortunately we just do not really see the difficulty that people have. Social media users often try to post their perfect life, try to show off their life’s achievements. But who really knows the story behind all those posts?

Other than that, social media can also stop us ftom having a real interaction with our friends because it creates a lazy form of friendship, without real life human interaction. Even if they do hang out together, they would just be busy with their smartphone and post stuff in social media.

That is why I deleted my Path account, I deactivated my Facebook account few weeks ago temporarily. I just find it not useful. Yet, I keep my twitter account active to keep up with the latest news and I might activate my Facebook again sometime. Arrgg technology…


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Notes: My Better Half

Suddenly I remember that day, one day in Aug 2009. The day when we found out that I am sick. It was just one year after we met for the very first time. I gave you choice. You chose to stay with me. You chose to stand by me.

I vividly remember that early morning. It was 4 a.m. We walked down by the small road of Nyuh Gading. It was pitch dark, it was very quiet. And there we were, you and me. As we walked side by side, I suddenly hear you crying. You broke into tears and held me tight. You promised to stand by me no matter what.

And it was six years ago. So many tears, sadness, fight, arguments and misunderstanding between you and me. Yet, there were so many laughter, happiness and so many smiles that we have been sharing together. There were some stage of our journey where we thought it’s going to be over. Yet, we chose to take time to fix it, to improve it. Now, everyday we learn to be a better person for each other.

I just feel so grateful and blessed to have a man like you in my life. I wouldn’t ask for a better man to be my better half. You are just the best that I have ever had.


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