Tag Archives: America

Notes: Social Media Detox

Gadget freak [2012: E O]

Gadget freak [2012: E O]

When you go out to restaurant, bar or coffee shop, you might often see that a group of friends are hanging out together, sitting at the same table but they are just busy with their own gadget. Have you ever seen that? Or do you do as well?

Well, I have to admit that I do that also when I hang out with my friends because they do it as well. I am not trying to justify my action.

So few days ago I met Anita, my former colleague. We had an interesting conversation about social media detox. Well, we actually talked about digital detox but I would narrow it down to social media detox. What? Social media detox? What is it all about?

Well, let me start by saying that gadget and social media is very addictive for some people, including myself. I have been actively using social media, e.g Friendster, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Path , since 2005 when I knew Friendster.com.

As time passed by, there are more and more interesting social media in the internet from hi5, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and now Path.  The worse is the development of technology, especially smartphone and tablet which provide us with  web-ready mobile phones and various of social media application. It makes me just want to check out what the latest news, gossip or whats going on with my friends on the social media.

But the question is do I really need those updates? Why do I need those updates?

I come to realize that since I have been using smartphone and addicted to social media, I no longer have a meaningful conversation with my friends and people around me. Even though, we are still hanging out together for lunch or dinner but we are just busy with our smartphone and check out what’s on the social media. We don’t really care why we are here together.

Other than that, social media creates a jealousy and makes people being mean ass toward their own friend without really knowing the truth. It also leads us to an ugly competition because of jealousy toward our own friend, simply because what we see in social media and people love to show off or share their experience or lifestyle in social media.

For instance “Oh how come she can get a Christian Louboutin shoes? What does she do? She must be a whore or slut. She must be a prostitute.”  or “O My God… doesn’t she know that she is ugly? She shouldn’t take that kind of selfie picture.” Or Oh… She travelled to Paris. It must be her boyfriend financed it.  This and that….

There are just so many negative comments from my head about other people’s life, which I actually don’t really know what is going on exactly and not one of them is our business.

So after having conversation with Anita, I decided to do a social media detox. But what is a social media detox? According to my understanding, social media detox is a therapy to remove our addiction to social media by turning off all social media account. Hence during my unpaid leave for my medication, I deactivated my Facebook, Twitter, singed out from path and deleted Instagram account. What? Delete? Yes, you read it right! I DELETE it. (Surely I would miss the silly comment of Indonesia’s First Lady, Ibu Ani Yudhoyono, in Instagram who gets irritated easily with her follower comments)

Not just that, I also deleted those social media application from my Blackberry and iPhone as well as iPad. And. I start to go out with book to read; meet up with people to have a fruitful conversation about anything.

So now the question is what is the purpose of having smartphone then? I even have two. Well….  I still can use my smartphone for receiving email and sending email plus blogging. I love blogging, I have been blogging since 2005 even though it’s not really general issue but more into personal matter but I enjoyed it anyway.

Other than that, I also can read other blogger’s post, which can inspire me in so many different ways. Be it about life, fashion, business, traveling and also Hollywood gossip.

Beside that, I also have a new hobby now, which is watching YouTube channel. I have subscribed to some interesting channel such as CrashCourse, BrainCraft, It’s Okay to Be Smart and also spacerip. When I get bored with all those scientific channel, I usually will watch my favorite singer vevo channel from Rihanna, Eminem, T.I, Tupac to Snoop Dogg.

I just have so much fun enjoying those YouTube channel. It really helps me to exercise my brain, entertain myself in different kind of way and enlarge my knowledge.

Meanwhile two weeks ago, I met my former editor. We had a very interesting conversation about life. She gave a very wise advice to turn off my social media accounts. Instead, I should read more books, newspaper and magazine to exercise my brains. She lent me a couple of Indonesia literature books, written by Umar Kayam and Leila Chudori. It was very kind of her

She also said to me “Look around you. Try to connect face to face with people, as much as you can. Look them in the eye when you talk to them. Do as much good as you can, when you can.

As I reflected to what she said to me, I think she is 100 percent correct. I look back into my life in these last couple of years, I just live my life in the gadget and social media, while I only hang around with small circle of people. But still we are being busy with our gadget, either reading email, chatting with instant messenger or fart around on social media while hang out with other people. We really have been disconnecting with real world and real life. We just live behind the screen.

The question is now being despite the fact technology/gadget has been helping our work efficiently, when will we get tired to use our gadget in our daily life and want to get back into out real life as social being? Will we be able to sit down together with other to have a meaningful conversation again without carrying our gadget and being busy with all those social media?

But wait…. the obstacles remain. Even though I enjoyed this whole social media detox  for one week,  as a media worker I actually really need to use social media, especially twitter to get myself aware of the current issue. It sucks when I don’t get myself updated with the latest current issue and it’s embarrassing.

I didn’t even know when Anas Urbaningrum was arrested by KPK or I didn’t even know that the Indonesian tycoon Bakrie Family invested their money on PATH. What? I usually get myself updated and know the latest information. So what should I do now? Should I activate my twitter and Facebook again? (Well I just did anyway because of work purpose. )

In the end of the day, it actually comes down to how we use  social media. Doesn’t it? It has been a week since I did social media detox. So should I get back to use so social media again but change how the way I use it? Or should I stay doing the social media detox? What do you think?

Perhaps next I will do digital detox? We’ll see

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History: Islam

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Science: Exercise and Memory

There is a positive relationship between physical activity and cognitive functioning. Exercise can help to improve your memory.

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Notes: Practice What You Preach

Have you ever listened to Where Is The Love song by Black Eyed Peas? If not, you have to listen to this song.  Why do I say that? It is because I found this song has a very interesting lyrics. One of the line says “People killing, people dying. Children hurt and you hear them crying. Can you practice what you preach? And would you turn the other cheek?

I smile whenever I listen to that song and I ask myself how many preacher have practice what they preach?

As a Christian, who like to have discussion about life with other believer, I would often hear that some preachers preaching about the word of God but they don’t practice what they preach. Some of the examples, which I heard with my own ear,  were a preacher preached about only God has the authority to take humans life but ‘s the same time the same preacher suggest his girlfriend to kill their own baby (It says in Deuteronomy 32:39). Or the same preacher would cheat/steal other people money  meanwhile it is clearly said in the book of Leviticus that those activity against the Lord.

Or  as  a journalist who used to cover story on religious violence issue in Indonesia. I often heard with my own ear that some religious leader preach about love but at the same time they preach about hatred. In the name of God, they killed other human being because they have different belief. In the name of God, they burn down other human being home because they have different belief. Or some criminals use religion to justify their action.

So my question is now being Do they use religion to justify their negative action? What kind of God do they really believe in? Why they don’t practice what they preach? Oh well… I guess it is easier to say than implement it in their own life.

Despite the fact I was born in Catholic family and taught about Catholic value, personally I used to prefer to be an agnostic who belief in God and don’t wanna tie myself into any religion because what I have been seeing around me. In the name of God, people are killing or hurting each other.

Other than that, I always believe/know that religion is the product of social construction but at the same time I always believe that there is God. God, who has no religion. I also have been reading the profile about Jesus Christ as a famous figure in Christianity, Muhammad as a famous figure in Islam and Siddartha as a famous figure in Buddhism. They are all amazing in their own way.

George and I [2013]

George and I [2013]

But there was a stage in life, when I was reintroduced to God and Christianity in different way by a  good friend of mine, George. I found it interesting to get to know about Jesus’s teaching again in different way without force and better understanding. Honestly as a Catholic, I didn’t know what Jesus said in the bible.

So two years ago, I started to read my dusty bible, which has been neglected for years. I try to understand every line of it (I have not finish reading all the books tho because I am lazy sometimes) and reflect it. I also try to implement it into my daily life even though I often find myself fail in implementing it.

So here I am being Christian again in different way. But back to my previous question without trying to say that I am righteous or holier than anyone, what I still don’t understand is why some preacher just don’t practice what they preach? Is it because our God is forgiving God that is why they don’t practice what they preach?

I guess there is something wrong with this wold!

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Notes: Let’s Talk About S.E.X

Let's buy sex toy [2014: E O]

Let’s buy sex toy [2014: E O]

Let’s talk about s.e.x and I will be blunt in this posting.

I don’t know if it is correct to say that our society are more confident to talk about money than to talk about s.e.x with our own family or friends. Or am I wrong?

Well, I think I am right.I often heard that it is taboo to talk about s.e.x in public whenever I attend discussion about reproductive system and right. And that statement has been proven to be true because I often find many of my friends avoiding to talk about s.e.x because they said it’s private.

Oh well… that sucks but understand. Despite the fact we live in modern world, our society are still traditional society. But what’s wrong talking about s.e.x beautiful people? “Hi how is your sex life?”

But thanks to all my gay friends and open-minded girl friends, who LOVE talking about s.e.x whenever we go out. We can giggle for hours talking about dicks, pussy, s.e.x position, guys, condom, s.e.x toys, size, orgasm or facial expression. As Indonesian, we also talk about why we choose to have s.e.x a French man or British man, Chinese man or African man, Javanese man or Balinese man.

Or we also talk about why we choose to hot guy with six pack abs and perfect round ass or skinny guy or even chubby guy. Or even why we want to have s.e.x with guy who has circumcised or non circumcised penis. Or how some guys with non circumcised penis can keep their dick clean and not smelly while some cannot? There are just a lot of things about s.e.x that we can talk about.

And yes… we don’t really talk about woman because we are women, who has no interest to have s.e.x with woman, and my friends are gay who love dicks also. (Many of my friends are gay and we are talking about penis most of the time, so bear with me readers! Take a deep breath!)

You know what honey? There are two factors what makes a man as a real man, their dick and their financial security. And it is hard to find the perfect one package even though he has an amazing personality.” one of my friend said.

“So you have to choose, whether a man who can bring food to the table and beautiful shoes to your wardrobe but cannot make you come or a man who can make you scream and come over and over again but cannot even give you a small diamond.” he went on.

I know it is hard to decide when love is involved. But always remember even though a man has a good heart but he is lame, doesn’t have big dick or the worst doesn’t know how to use their dick well and doesn’t have financial security. Then better forget about the man! What are you looking for from that man?! There are many amazing horses out there.” he added.

Well… I agree with you but the society will judge the woman as a slut, a whore or gold digger.” I answered.

Fuck em all! You have to love yourself first! How many people think that you are perfectly happy with everything that you have but who knows that you don’t have s.e.x life at all? You are pretty, sexy and smart, many guys want you! But always be careful, you don’t go around fire expecting not to sweat honey. Many disease out there!” He said.

Well, I met many people who ended up their marriage because of bad s.e.x life. So my question is now being can a marriage or relationship survive without s.e.x or intimacy?

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Notes: Her Story

It’s the story about her, whoever she is. 

It was one morning when he started to let it out what he felt all these years. It was right in the dining room on Monday morning. It was only him and her. She stood still hearing what he said. She was stoned yet surprised. She really did not know what she had to say. Tears running down her face.

She asked God, why now? Why should he tell her that he couldn’t deal with her health condition well just right now? Why didn’t he just leave four years ago when she gave him choice to leave?

She knows that he is not a bad person. She knows that he loves her so much. And she know that he did not mean to hurt her that morning. But it really broke her heart. It has been four fucking years when she thought that he could deal with her health condition well.

But no… he did not. He built the wall between them. He kept the distance from her. He tried to show that everything was alright and he was there for her with his green bag . His strength was his green bag. It gave him a confident to be with her.

But as soon as he realized that the green bag was empty, he did not know how to love her anymore. Instead he blamed her. “Wow! Is it for real?” She said to herself. And yes, she was at fault.  She smiled. It was my fault to abuse the money. She blamed herself. She laughed at herself. She is a disgusting miserable bitch! But is their relationship just about money? What about the intimacy?

She actually has noticed how bad he deal with her health condition all these years. The affection has long gone.  Their relationship has run dry. She stayed quiet and believed that they could work this out one day. But whenever they start to argue, it comes down to money issue. He  doesn’t care about the core issue of relationship, which is intimacy, that this relationship has run dry. He talks about money from morning till night because that’s the only thing that he cares about, that’s the only thing that he has confident in.

Sometimes she just asked herself that is it wrong if she  just wanted to be loved? Is it wrong if she just want him to touch her again like they used to do? Is it wrong? Is it wrong if She tried to make herself happy with material things to replace the all those affection which have been long gone? Is it wrong if she just wanted to be happy? Is it wrong if she desire his affection? Or it comes down to a conclusion that they are not meant to each other?

She got down on her knees and talked to God.

God…. it hurts…  I am just a piece of infected meat that is why he did not want to touch me. That is why! That is why he built a wall between us. God … I felt disgusted with myself. I really want to leave… I really do! I don’t know what I am doing here. I really don’t. Again… he told me that I have misunderstood him.

God… It has been four fucking years and he just told me now? God… it hurts! I couldn’t even accept my own condition either but wouldn’t it be better if he left four years ago. I don’t need any sympathy. I really don’t. Until this second, I just cry whenever I remember what he said to me. The worst was when he said that 90 percent what I have is coming from him. I cannot deny. But is it really necessary to say it? What about for years that you didn’t put your penis inside me? God… it hurts!

The feeling is still there but she doesn’t know whether she has to stay or to go. Many times she has tried to kill herself but it failed. Guess God loves her so much. She doesn’t know to whom she has to share the complexity of her problem about cross cultural relationship, age difference, health situation and financial situation.

If she leaves, she thinks about who will remind him to eat? If she walks away, who will remind him to eat healthy food? If She goes, who will remind him to stop smoking and drinking? All those shits make the situation worse and she just doesn’t know how to deal with anymore. No! She doesn’t know how! She just don’t wanna be a mean ass. She doesn’t wanna be a bad person. But should she make herself unhappy for the rest of her life?

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Notes: Negative Mindset

Negative Mindset Tends to Corrupt My Life [2013: E N U]

Negative Mindset Tends to Corrupt My Life [2013: E N U]

Life has been extremely hard for me in these last few months. Instead of getting better each month, life seems getting harder and worse. I tried to be strong and believe that everything was okay and would get better sooner than later. But no it did not. It got worse and I could not deal with it well. But was it me unable to deal it well or was it just my negative mindset?

Wait…. that’s what I just discovered! Whether were I really unable to deal with the current life situation well or was it just my negative mindset?

Well let me tell you something, I always said to myself that I must always remove my negative thinking when I have/want/need to do something. No matter how difficult my task is… I MUST NOT say that I CANNOT. Instead I MUST say that I CAN. If I have belief in myself that I can do it, surely I will be able to finish any task, which is given to me. Why did I say that?

Few years ago when I was working for an english newspaper, I was asked to write four stories. It was 2 p.m and the deadline was at 7 p.m. I could not say NO and I would not say No. Instead I said yes. I said to myself that I CAN finish it and I WILL finish it. Even though I didn’t meet the deadline on time, I was able to finish and submit all the stories. I was relieved.  I was happy knowing that I had the ability to do it.

Somehow when I worked on those article, I felt no burden at all. Instead I was enjoying it. But here was the key, I believed that I would not do anything properly without God’s help. (I know I might sound so religious but that’s what I believe : ). I believe in God’s grace).

So as I reflected into my current life’s situation and how I dealt with it, I just felt that the negativity has corrupted my life. It was just a constant complaint.  I always said to myself how unhappy I am, how stressful my life is, how difficult my life is, how hard my life is, etc etc etc. Yes perhaps I am unhappy with the current situation but shouldn’t I just consider it as a test from God?

Well I often said to myself that this difficult life would be just temporary, it wouldn’t stay forever as what Saint Paul said There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

And again Jesus also said “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

So why couldn’t I deal with my current life situation well? I think it is because I was surrounded by people with negative thinking and somehow it effected to me. No I did not mean to blame anyone here. But now I learnt whenever all those negative opinion comes closer to me, it is better for me to walk away or close my ears to ignore it.

It all comes down to our mindset. If we have a positive mindset, we would deal with difficulty positively, led us to positive attitude and finally we would not feel that we carry a heavy burden. But if we have a negative mindset, we would deal with difficulty with negative attitude, give us frustration and and life getting  hard for us everyday.

I am glad that I have been introduced to God since I was child through Catholic belief. Even though there was a stage of life when I did not want to be tied to any religion but still believed in God, I just found that religious value has taught me something which gives me peace of mind.

Instead of running to alcohol or nicotine  when I got upset (I used to drink a lot but was not an alcoholic, just a cocktail lover. And I knew I smoked few days ago but I rarely did it), I just picked my bible and read it. It might not give me a solution right away but it gives me peace of mind. And that’s all I need.

For me, life is about constant reflection. Perhaps some people might think that I am drama queen or melancholic bitch whenever I share my problem or point of view of life in my blog but I don’t really care anyway. This is how the way I live my life.

And  I just realized that God actually has answered my prayers. Even though it was not a jackpot but God has provided a lot of good things to me during this trial of life.  It might not be the best  but God always provided for us.

Sometimes we just have to appreciate the small stuff because we are blessed more than we realize. I just believed that God would answer my prayers in His own time in His own way.

Have a blessed Sunday readers!

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Notes: What is Wrong Being a Villager?

Sometimes I asked myself 'What is wrong from being a villager?' [2013: E R]

Sometimes I asked myself ‘What is wrong from being a villager?’ [2013: E R]

Three years ago, I got a couple good news that brought me to Jakarta.  The two news were one month of paid internship in an  interntional news agency and also a permanent job as a junior news reporter at one of the biggest english news paper in Jakarta.

I was so happy when I got those two news. Back thenI  was trying to finish my thesis. It really encouraged me to finish it as soon as possible. Even though I was so excited , I was kinda afraid to move to Jakarta. I heard that there are many ‘bad people’ in Jakarta but I did not know how bad . I heard people  would just do everything to get whatever they wanted. So I called my best friend to ask about it. He confirmed that there were many bad people in this town and all I need is to be careful.

So here I am…. it has been three years since I left Yogyakarta to start a new life in the big durian. I would say that it has not been easy but I could tell you that it has been super fun. I guess it is because my job has been enable me to meet many different type of people from the criminals, religious leaders, government officials, ambassadors, businessman and also tycoons.  There were just so many things that I learnt and I loved it.

To be honest as a small town girl, I was experiencing a culture shocked. I just did not know how to adapt with it. Somehow I was feeling lost, people just really ‘care’ about what other people wearing, people just really ‘care’ about where you live, people just really ‘care’ about what you eat, this and that. It really made me sick and tired. So I asked myself  ‘Why don’t they just accept other people just the way they are?’

It seems that  the games doesn’t go that way. It’s a metropolitan life competition where people feel that they must be able to maintain their social status by wearing a good outfit, eating in a good restaurant or living in a prestigious area.

I vividly remembered when one of my friend invited me to go out for dinner, on that day she complimented me about my 60 USD of Zara shoes and she asked me to go out with her. Or when one of my friend told me that he would not go out with me if I have nothing. Really?! I somehow couldn’t believe what I am dealing with. Are they real friend? Or is it possible to make a genuine friend in this city? I don’t know

But It drove me crazy to not having friends around me so here I was …. starting to follow the games. I start going to fancy restaurant, purchasing expensive outfit and shoes, this and that, and this and that. I start to make myself familiar with hi-end lifestyle (which I have never thought of). Now when I start to wear 700 USD of pair of shoes, 1,000 USD of dress or carry 2,000 USD of handbag, I become intimidating for others. So what do they want?

Blur life [2013: E O]

Blur life [2013: E O]

Despite the fact I enjoyed the whole things but I just feel that I was not myself, it’s not real. We must pay for everything. If you want to get a friendly greeting from shop attendant, you wear something nice and fancy; if you want to get a warm greeting from shop attendant, you must purchase their product; if you want to get a friendly greeting from waitress,  you give them big tips. Everything is about money. People are willing to do everything to get whatever they want.  I don’t know if it was just me feeling that way or this is the rule of the games that we play?

I miss the sincere life, which I can get in Yogyakarta. People will not care about what you wear, what you eat, where you hang out to, etc. I can just be me and I miss that. I remember the warmness of the old lady selling vegetable in traditional market or the friendly greeting of the jamu seller. Somehow it just gives me a peace of mind.

I know I wouldn’t be the same person anymore. I wouldn’t be the same Fani, who moved to Jakarta three years ago. But I know that I want a peaceful simple life where traditional and modern life are met. I miss to be a real person and hang out with a real people who wouldn’t care about my social status. And all I know I can find that peacefulness in my hometown, Yogyakarta. In the end of the day, just like what they say ….  you can take the girl out of the village but you cannot take the village out of the girl. Right?

Few weeks ago, I was terrorized by the girl friend of my friend. She called me villager. I laughed. What is wrong with a villager? What is the definition of villager? Is there anything bad about being a villager? Most of former Indonesian presidents were coming from village, yet they still could run the country. Many of successful Indonesian people are coming from villages, yet they still can achieve their goal and become successful people. So what is wrong from being a villager? I don’t get it. It is funny to me.

And I am not ashamed being villager. I was born as a villager and raised a villager. My grandmother always said to me “No matter how far you go, no matter how educated you are, no matter how rich you are… you are still Javanese. You need to keep the tradition alive.” And I think my grandmother was right, tradition makes me more human than a modern life which tend to make human as a robot with no value. It is tiring, irritating and frustrating.
…*sigh

I don’t know whatelse I should say  here but God…. I really want to leave this J town…. Even though I love what I am doing here, I am sick and tired of living this town. I really want to leave…..

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Music: Holy Grail

Holy Grail by Jay Z ft Justin Timberlake

You take the clothes off my back and I’d let you
You’d steal the food right out my mouth and I’d watch you eat it
I still don’t know why, why our love is so much
Oh,
You curse my name in spite to put me to shame
Air all my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean give it up for fame
But I still don’t know why
Why I love it so much
*
And Baby
It’s amazing I’m in this maze with you
I just can’t crack ya code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you’re so cold
One day you here, one day you there, one day you care
You’re so unfair sipping from ya cup
Till it runneth over, Holy Grail
*
You get the air out my lungs
Whenever you need it
And you take the blade right out my heart
Just so you can watch me bleed
And I still don’t know why
Why I love you so much
And you play this game
In spite to drive me insane
I got it tattooed on my sleeve forever in ink
With guess whose name
But I still don’t know why
Why I love it so much

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Photo: Self-Reflection

Disappointment is part of life but sometimes we have to learn how to laugh at ourselves before other laugh at us. 

Disappointment is part of life  [2013: C P]

Disappointment is part of life [2013: C P]

We have to learn to laugh at ourselves [2013: C P]

We have to learn to laugh at ourselves [2013: C P]

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