Monthly Archives: November 2013

Notes: What is Wrong Being a Villager?

Sometimes I asked myself 'What is wrong from being a villager?' [2013: E R]

Sometimes I asked myself ‘What is wrong from being a villager?’ [2013: E R]

Three years ago, I got a couple good news that brought me to Jakarta.  The two news were one month of paid internship in an  interntional news agency and also a permanent job as a junior news reporter at one of the biggest english news paper in Jakarta.

I was so happy when I got those two news. Back thenI  was trying to finish my thesis. It really encouraged me to finish it as soon as possible. Even though I was so excited , I was kinda afraid to move to Jakarta. I heard that there are many ‘bad people’ in Jakarta but I did not know how bad . I heard people  would just do everything to get whatever they wanted. So I called my best friend to ask about it. He confirmed that there were many bad people in this town and all I need is to be careful.

So here I am…. it has been three years since I left Yogyakarta to start a new life in the big durian. I would say that it has not been easy but I could tell you that it has been super fun. I guess it is because my job has been enable me to meet many different type of people from the criminals, religious leaders, government officials, ambassadors, businessman and also tycoons.  There were just so many things that I learnt and I loved it.

To be honest as a small town girl, I was experiencing a culture shocked. I just did not know how to adapt with it. Somehow I was feeling lost, people just really ‘care’ about what other people wearing, people just really ‘care’ about where you live, people just really ‘care’ about what you eat, this and that. It really made me sick and tired. So I asked myself  ‘Why don’t they just accept other people just the way they are?’

It seems that  the games doesn’t go that way. It’s a metropolitan life competition where people feel that they must be able to maintain their social status by wearing a good outfit, eating in a good restaurant or living in a prestigious area.

I vividly remembered when one of my friend invited me to go out for dinner, on that day she complimented me about my 60 USD of Zara shoes and she asked me to go out with her. Or when one of my friend told me that he would not go out with me if I have nothing. Really?! I somehow couldn’t believe what I am dealing with. Are they real friend? Or is it possible to make a genuine friend in this city? I don’t know

But It drove me crazy to not having friends around me so here I was …. starting to follow the games. I start going to fancy restaurant, purchasing expensive outfit and shoes, this and that, and this and that. I start to make myself familiar with hi-end lifestyle (which I have never thought of). Now when I start to wear 700 USD of pair of shoes, 1,000 USD of dress or carry 2,000 USD of handbag, I become intimidating for others. So what do they want?

Blur life [2013: E O]

Blur life [2013: E O]

Despite the fact I enjoyed the whole things but I just feel that I was not myself, it’s not real. We must pay for everything. If you want to get a friendly greeting from shop attendant, you wear something nice and fancy; if you want to get a warm greeting from shop attendant, you must purchase their product; if you want to get a friendly greeting from waitress,  you give them big tips. Everything is about money. People are willing to do everything to get whatever they want.  I don’t know if it was just me feeling that way or this is the rule of the games that we play?

I miss the sincere life, which I can get in Yogyakarta. People will not care about what you wear, what you eat, where you hang out to, etc. I can just be me and I miss that. I remember the warmness of the old lady selling vegetable in traditional market or the friendly greeting of the jamu seller. Somehow it just gives me a peace of mind.

I know I wouldn’t be the same person anymore. I wouldn’t be the same Fani, who moved to Jakarta three years ago. But I know that I want a peaceful simple life where traditional and modern life are met. I miss to be a real person and hang out with a real people who wouldn’t care about my social status. And all I know I can find that peacefulness in my hometown, Yogyakarta. In the end of the day, just like what they say ….  you can take the girl out of the village but you cannot take the village out of the girl. Right?

Few weeks ago, I was terrorized by the girl friend of my friend. She called me villager. I laughed. What is wrong with a villager? What is the definition of villager? Is there anything bad about being a villager? Most of former Indonesian presidents were coming from village, yet they still could run the country. Many of successful Indonesian people are coming from villages, yet they still can achieve their goal and become successful people. So what is wrong from being a villager? I don’t get it. It is funny to me.

And I am not ashamed being villager. I was born as a villager and raised a villager. My grandmother always said to me “No matter how far you go, no matter how educated you are, no matter how rich you are… you are still Javanese. You need to keep the tradition alive.” And I think my grandmother was right, tradition makes me more human than a modern life which tend to make human as a robot with no value. It is tiring, irritating and frustrating.

I don’t know whatelse I should say  here but God…. I really want to leave this J town…. Even though I love what I am doing here, I am sick and tired of living this town. I really want to leave…..



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Notes: What’s up?


Flashback [2013: E R]

Oh hi… it has been for ages since the last time I posted my personal writing in this blog. So how are you doing my loyal readers? Wait … How many loyal readers do I have? Do I even have one? Well… you tell me readers…

I know that in these last few months, I just posted music video, photos or some quotes from bible or daily devotional books. I have been uninspired and I must say I have been busy lately because I had to finish my personal project (Sssst…. I am writing a book! And… thanks God I have finished it! Hopefully I can publish it soon!)

So what is new from me? Ha ha ha I am talking as if everyone has been missing me. Oh well…! So here is some news from me.

Last September….

  1. I crashed my first car badly and I nearly killed myself
  2. I had several nasty arguments with my dawg
  3. I had a big argument with securities (Geez… why do I have argument with anyone anywhere? Well I guess they just don’t know what they are doing and it irritates me!)
  4. We celebrated my second wedding anniversary and we didn’t celebrate it

Last October….

  1. I got a new job that I love
  2. I turned to be 26. Honestly It made me scare! I am close to 30! What have I been doing? But thanks God for another year of life. I am blessed. I got myself body piercing as birthday gift.
  3. I found a shopping heaven where I could purchase for authentic Jean Paul Gaultier, Versace and Roberto Cavalli outfits only for 30 percent of its real price. (Sssttt…. I would not tell you where it is!)
  4. My best friend got married. Congratulation sista!
  5. I had another nasty yet crazy arguments with my dawg (Again?)
  6. I finally finished my book! Thanks Mister Jesus, thanks Mother Mary!

This November….

  1. I just started my new job; I think I like it as I am working with smart yet cool people.
  2. I found a shocking fact about my dawg, which is really breaking my heart. (When will you be able to be honest to me?)
  3. I was terrorized by a crazy yet uncivilized woman. Come on woman, if you have a problem, come to me, talk to me and face me! Why do you have to hide yourself? What are you afraid of? I know who was controlling you that is why you couldn’t face me, just like the guy who was controlling you but afraid to admit that he was controlling you. You guys just like to wear mask to hide your identity, I guess you guys hate yourself. That is why you guys become thugs/criminals
  4. I had another nasty arguments with my dawg (Yes… again!) I guess this is the last time because I am sick and tired of all those nasty arguments that we had. It is tiring, frustrating, upsetting. I just couldn’t take it any longer. So I said so long!

Anyway… I have been thinking to creating two more blogs. Geez… I have two already and I still need another two? The answer is yes. One blog is for my fashion blog and another one is for my incoming book. Well… I guess I am going to be busy.

And oh… my friends and I are going to establish a media literacy organization, which will also need a blog…. So in total, I would create another three blogs. How would I handle it? Well… I don’t know! Let’s see how it goes!

That’s the news from me. So what’s up with you guys? Do you have any story to tell? Come and share with me! Cheers.


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Music: Holy Grail

Holy Grail by Jay Z ft Justin Timberlake

You take the clothes off my back and I’d let you
You’d steal the food right out my mouth and I’d watch you eat it
I still don’t know why, why our love is so much
You curse my name in spite to put me to shame
Air all my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean give it up for fame
But I still don’t know why
Why I love it so much
And Baby
It’s amazing I’m in this maze with you
I just can’t crack ya code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you’re so cold
One day you here, one day you there, one day you care
You’re so unfair sipping from ya cup
Till it runneth over, Holy Grail
You get the air out my lungs
Whenever you need it
And you take the blade right out my heart
Just so you can watch me bleed
And I still don’t know why
Why I love you so much
And you play this game
In spite to drive me insane
I got it tattooed on my sleeve forever in ink
With guess whose name
But I still don’t know why
Why I love it so much


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Reflection: Mouth Guards

The tongue of the wise uses knowledges rightly, but the mouth of the fools pours forth foolishness – Proverbs 15:2


Be careful of your thoughts – they may become words at any time. Bite your tongue before it bites other. 


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Reflection: The Father of Lies

When the devil speaks a lie, he speaks from his resources for he is a liar and the father of it – John 8:44


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Notes: Once I was your baby momma …

It is just my wildest imagination

It was one freezing morning when I knew that I was going to be a momma 

But momma was too afraid to be a momma

And your daddy did not want you…


It was one freezing morning in a foreign land

When momma killed  her own blood 

When they took the life of God’s creature from momma

When momma had to say goodbye to you in a painful way

And when momma became a murderer


The night fell…

Momma heard you crying in momma’s sleep

Momma was looking for you 

But you were not anywhere to be found….

And tonight momma is missing you


And baby… once I was your baby momma

Jakarta, 5 November 2013


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