To everything there is a season.
A time for every purpose under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to break down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to gain and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to sew.
A time to keep silence and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time of war and a time of peace. – Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
Monthly Archives: February 2013
Then the dust will return to the earth as it was, and the spirit will return to God who gave it – Ecclesiastes 12:7
Nobody knows the mystery of life. And I just cannot believe that he is gone forever. He is Richardo Dicky Aditya. He is my beloved cousin, brother and homie. He’s gone in a very young age. And everyone agreed that he is very young when he’s gone. He is only 25 years old.
It was just last Sunday at 11 a.m. when I was still talking to him via BBM (Blackberry Messenger) and asking his condition. He told me that he was getting better. But seven hours later, my sister called me. She told me that Adit passed away, that he’s just gone forever.
“Is it real? Am I in a dreamland? Why? How come? I just talked to him few hours ago and he is gone now?” I asked to myself.
I was rendered speechless. I was stoned. I was shocked. Tears just streamed down my face. I just could not believe the news that I heard from my sister. Adit passed away.
I missed the last flight from Jakarta to Yogyakarta on Sunday night as I only had an hour to catch the last flight. I decided to take a morning flight at 07:55 a.m on Monday. And as soon as I landed, I went straight to Adit’s house with my best friend Olen.
On my way to Adit’s house, I still could not believe that the reason I went to Yogya was just to say my last goodbye to Adit. “What my last goodbye? Where is he going?” Part of me asked myself because I just still could not believe that Adit passed away, that he left his family, lover and friends just like that. I just could not believe. No, I could not believe it.
In a second I arrived at Adit’s house, I saw Yusak, he hugged me and broke in tears. He lost his very best friend in his life. We still could not believe that it really happened. We still could not believe that Adit was taken away without any warning or spoken words. He’s just gone away. He left us with no warning. And no, we still could not believe it.
But it was real, it was not a dream. Wearing a pair of black suit, Adit was lied in a white coffin. He smiled. He looks as if he was just sleeping but very peacefully. In a fact, he has been taken away from us to a better place by God. He’s gone forever.
Tried to staying strong, Bu Ida, Adit’s mom, was clearly in pain. Tears streamed down her cheek as she remembered every memory of her beloved son. Stared at his face, she felt his soul. She lost her only son, she lost her beloved friend.
Standing on the left side of Adit’s coffin, wearing a black shirt, Bu Ida told me that he’s gone in peace now. It’s so much better than he had to stay in pain. She accepted his death and let him go. She believed that one day she would unite with him again as one family in the Kingdom of God.
Adit’s death is just so hard to be faced by everyone who knows him, who loves him but we understood it very well that he is now in a better place with Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Adit and I were actually second cousin. We have never been very close before. As we hang out at the same place, Bayonet, Adit and I started getting very close. It was even closer than any of my relationship with my first cousin.
I just found Adit as a very friendly, fun, humble, smart and open-minded person to be around. We could talk about anything without having feeling ashamed or afraid. We could just be ourselves and talked openly.
Apparently, as we hang out a lot, we established a small gang that consist of 4 people since new year eve 2009. The four were Adit, Yusak, Bebek and I. There were just so many memories that I could not really explain one by one here. Laughter and tears, disappointment and anger, joy and happiness, we shared all together.
Adit… He is a really good boy, good friend, good brother, good homie. He is a genuinely kind person with a good heart. He has never been cruel or mean toward me. Hence, I appointed him as the witness of my marriage from my side in 2011. But unfortunately, he does not meet any requirement as the witness because he has not got married before. It was then replaced by Bu Ida, his mom. And it is okay. They both are cool person.
It’s still ringing in my ear whenever Adit called me ‘Nyah’ from the word ‘Nyonyah’ or ‘Madam’ every time we were going to gossiping or talking about something. But now… I would never hear his distinctive voice and tone again while he called me ‘Nyah’. It would only be a memory that would stay in my mind and my heart.
I am glad that I could make my way to Yogyakarta last November to hang out with Adit, Yusak and Bebek. It was the last time we could hang out together, four of us. After that time, Yusak moved to Surabaya, Adit moved to Bali, Bebek went back to Bandung and I went back to Jakarta. It was just difficult to find a time to hang out together again as we used to do as we are busy with our own work.
I know you are in a better place now, up in Heaven with God and Angels up above. There were no words that I could write to express how upset I am for losing you. You have been such a great friend, brother, cousin and family to me. I would never forget you and I would always miss you. Safe flight to heaven Adit….
God our Father, Your power brings us to birth, Your providence guides our life and by Your command we return to dust. I pray for the dead, especially Richardo Dicky Aditya. May him who has been so dear to me in life find a place with you in heaven. Amen.
I felt like to disappear after all the things that has happened these days between me and my clique, George. He was a person, a friend of mine, a brother that I could really open about everything since I moved to this town. He was the one who taught me to be wise, he was the one who helped me to reconnect with God, he was the one who helped me to over come with my problem and he was the one who showed me how to live a healthy lifestyle.
But now…. It is time to say goodbye. Everything is over right now, our friendship has ended up very badly. Yes, we have messed up with this beautiful friendship that we have been building since nearly two years ago. I am so upset about it. But I cannot deal with it any longer.
I felt so mad, angry, disappointed and angry at him lately because I felt that I have been lied, betrayed and cheated by him about so many things. Whenever I tried to confront him, he always got mad at me over and over again. But the truth revealed and I felt so hurt about it. I could not accept it. I decided to use my ‘position of power’ and talk to somebody ‘important’ and did something which is totally against him.
Even it was a right thing to do by a citizen, somehow I regretted it because he is a my clique, a good friend of mine. It is too late to make things little better now. Nobody is perfect. Anger has covered all the good deeds that he has done to me over the years.
Funny how easily mind can change. Yesterday morning, I read a prayer and asked to God to help me to cast out from my mind all the thoughts of which He does not approve and from my heart all emotions which He does not encourage. But when I went to gym and listened to some rap music, all I wanna do was just revenge, which is totally contradictory from what I asked to God in the morning. So instead of implementing the word of God, I just decided to do some ‘bad’ things.
I just really don’t know what I have to say but God …… No matter how bad somebody has been to me, I should not have paid evil for evil because two wrong will never make things right. Just because I did different sin it does not make me. I am not holier than him. I am not the righteous. So why do I judge? Why do I revenge?
This morning, I opened my devotional reading and it is about “Change”. It said medical studies have shown that even though people who had heart-bypass surgery are told that they must change their lifestyle or die, about 90 percent don’t change. Typically, 2 years after surgery the patients haven’t altered their lifestyle. It seems that the most would rather die and change.
“And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore, every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into fire.” Matthew 3:11
As I reflected, there are two things that I realized that this relationship won’t do any good to anyone in the long-term and I have trusted people so easily.
I lost my clique, who always encourage me to strengthen my spiritual life and my faith to God. But what can you expect from somebody who could never be truthful to you since day one? Lying is never healthy for any relationship or friendship?
The devotional reading reminds me that it is time to change and let the bad things go. I have to cut every tree which does not bear good fruit and throw it into fire. I have to cut this relationship and throw it into the fire. Change one’s mind and attitude about God, which ultimately change a person’s action and decision means that I need to repent. And it’s time to let it go, it’s time to change, it’s time to say goodbye.
Dawg, even though you have been great to me all of these years especially in my hard times, I just could not deal with the fable from your head any longer. Try to stay true dawg as you are a good person in a way. – F
PS: Don’t listen to rap music when you are angry, it will make you angrier