Monthly Archives: January 2011

Notes: It’s about Being Happy Woman

As an adult, who just moves out to big city, there is one thing that I must remember that life is not one night in a big city, which means life is hard and life needs a reponsiblelity . Every morning, I go to work because I need to earn some money to pay the bills, other than that, I go to work because this is the job that I have been wanting it since I love writing, I love sharing information and I want to be a journalist, a writer.

I vividly remember that before I moved to Jakarta to work, my fiance often said to me ‘To earn money, you have to spend money first” and he is right, to build the network, it is not cheap. But then again, there is a reason why you would do this because there is a dream out there that you want to pursue. So, sometimes you will be paid cheap because you are lack of experiences in the field that you really want to work in and it should not be a big deal to you because all you are looking for is a playground to learn something for your future. However, it cannot stay like that forever because it is not free to live our lives.

I want to share an interesting topic that I used to share with my friends couple months ago.

When I was in Bangkok to join environmental journalism training, I had an interesting conversation with Clara and Agnes about women’s career and marriage life. There are some women, who will leave their job for her new family life because she has to take care of her children, her husband, her house, her family needs, etc. But, there are two reason why those women leave their job. It is because 1)SHE WANTS to leave their job and want to start her family 2) HER HUSBAND ASKS her to leave their job.

I will say, the first reason that SHE WANTS TO LEAVE HER JOB is KIND OF understandable because those wife are not under pressure, they are not forced by anyone including her husband to leave her job. However, I cannot imagine how boring it would be when you have nothing to do other than taking care of their family.

Other than that, YES, their husband might earn alot of money but wouldn’t it better when woman have their own freedom of finance especially when women always want to buy more shoes, more clothes, more handbag, more cosmetic, etc. Because there are not many man who easily gives 3000 USD to get Bottega Veneta handbag or 2000 USD to get a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes [well, it is too hi end example he he]. But the point is some men is not that easy with the money when it comes to women’s need as men could not understand why women would need 20 pair of shoes, 10 handbags or 50 dresses. As a woman, I could not even understand but there is satisfaction when woman get what they get stuff that they want.

The other thing associated with a married woman, who leaves their job because they want to, actually some men will be more proud of their women who has their own career , earn their own money and keep updating their brain with a new knowledge from their work. But those women who leaves their job because they want to, some of them often turn to be a boring woman because they do not have interesting topic to talk about or there is no new thing in themselves that makes husband interested.

Angry house wife

Second reason about women who leaves their job because SHE WAS ASKED TO LEAVE THEIR JOB, i will say it is kind of DISASTER because their husband have stopped them and locked them in their little family world and she has to deal with the children, husband and family needs. Why would you stay in the cage? YES, family is important but this is not right when a man asked their wife to leave their job just to care their family.

I will say, this kind of woman will get frustrated easily, she will get jealousy and she will be a boring woman. It is because she does not have job, she just stays home, she takes care of the children and she does not update their brain with a new things; and the worst case of scenario is if the husband is not such a good man, he will see his wife as a boring person because she does not have an interesting thing to share other than kids and family.

This type of woman will get angry easily because of the stress from the children and family things, she is getting jealous easily because they do not know the world outside the house . Or even worst, from their frustration, she will do unhealthy things such as keep eating and do not take care of herself. In the end, after she gives a birth, they turn to be lil fat and the husband do not show his interest anymore.

However, those two things can be simply fixed by trying to figure out what you want to do to make yourself happy. For example, take a course, get your ass back to work once they children are sent to school or get involved into any organization. Do not ever want to be asked to stop to do what loves to do because in the end of the day, you have to satisfy yourself as a free person who has right to do anything what you love to do

But to get your freedom of finance, try to do a small business to earn some money for yourself and if you are not good at business, then try to do some investment in the bank. Although, it might not earn as much as you expected (depend on how much you invest, but there is some income that you can have in your pocket.

I know, I am not a married woman and I am talking as if I know how it feels to be married woman, but this is an interesting subject that I had with Clara and Agnes while we were in Bangkok. Therefore, the only things that I want to do is pursue my dream and make it as the part of my life so I can keep my brain updated, be an interesting person for my life partner and I have my own freedom of finance. I do not want to be a housewife, who takes care of my children because the world is too beautiful to be not seen.

Other than that, who does not want to get a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes in the closet? Life is not one night in a big city, so if i want a pair of shoes, the latest apple gadget or a nice handbag, I have to work hard for it.

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Notes: Are You The Real Friend?

Sometimes, I feel kind of annoyed with people or friends who contact me when they need me, either they want me to listen about their problem or give them some favor and I got several friends who have done it (which actually, I want to tell them that I don’t like it)

I know, they might not do that on purpose but friends got to be more little sensitive about what they are doing. I mean, don’t contact your friend when you have needs only.

Anyway, years ago, I read a book from Les Giblin about how you communicate with the other people. On that book, Giblin mention that instead of using I, it is better that we use the word YOU because people loves to be listened when they are talking. And that’s so true.

Since I read the book and I meet people, I often ask them to tell me about themselves. Who they are, where they are from, what they are doing, etc. And Giblin is right, people love to be listened and they love to talk about themselves or the things that they know, including me.

For example:

In some culture, sex before marriage is forbidden. But, for me, sex is a humanity need and we have our own point of view on how we should deal with it as it is a personal choice.

Anyway, talking about friends, many of friendship are changing as time pass by. As we are getting older, we have our own routine and we have our own priority, but does being older change our point of view about what kind of friendship do we want to build? Or, does being older change our old friendship with an old friend?

I will say that getting older should not change our friendship with our old friends especially seeing that we have different routine or different schedule. However, getting older could change our friendship with our old friend because we have different point of view of seeing things.

Few years ago, when my friends knew that I am doing sex before marriage, some of my friends would look down at me and thought that I am some kind of slut in a bad way, especially because I am dating foreigner.

I vividly remembered that there was one girl in university asked me for how long I have been doing a prostitution business and I just could not stop laughing so hard to hear that stupid question.

“Oh sweety, if I am a prostitute, why would I sweat finding a way to be a journalist? I feel bad about you being so narrow minded.”

I was kind of sad actually because expressing ourselves cannot always be accepted by the community. But in the end of the day, who cares about what she thinks.

Another example become a religion thingy,

I was born in Catholic family, studying in the Catholic school, going out with many good Catholic girls and we used to go to church every Sunday together. But, as time pass by, my point of view about religion is different and I decided that I prefer to not commit with any religion even though my ID Card says that I am Catholic.

Since, I am open about my point of view about my religion, some of my friends told me that I am bad person because I leave the church, I am a sinner, etc. Frankly, I do not care about what they say. However, it made me sad because they do not respect other people choice.

These couple experiences make me thinking that getting older with our new routine which creates a distance among friend is not a big deal, as we need to work, we need to pay the bill. But, is it necessary to create a distance with a friend because they have different point of view? I bet not.

Although, I understand that the new routine or the new schedule has put us in the different time frame, I just hope that friendship can be built among the people who are willing to share sadness and happiness. Other than that, it also can be built among the people who could accept their friends just how the way they are.

Friends in so many ways

Actually, I have experiences when I lost couple of my best friends and it made me afraid to build a friendship that I called as a best friend relationship.  One happened when I was on the last year in junior high school, which is frankly until today I have no idea why she kept distance with me. And all I know about her now is that she has 3 children, but other than that I have no idea where she is, what she is doing, etc. I kind a miss her and want to know why she broke the friendship with me but I prefer not to ask and let her go as it happened years ago.

The other one happened because she talked bad about me behind my back in front of my sisters and my classmate. And you know what? My little sister is my hero, she slapped her hard because she has talked bad behind my back.

A special night with my friends in Yogyakarta, 2010

Friend kiss

Talking about friends, I miss my friends in my hometown. I miss Adit and Ucha, a lovely couple who have been very cool and nice sista for me. I miss Olen, my college friend who loves to play volley ball and singing, she is sweet friend of mine. I miss Dalih, my bro (or sist) who is a smart person to talk about writing. I miss Nocky, my hard worker friend, who is awesome company to have booze with. I miss Teteh, a friend who is so fun to talk about anything from sex, love and career. I miss Tissa, Gemma, Tiffa, Vita, Candra, Anggi, Febri, Bordus, Cathy, Mbak Deby, Astrid, etc.

Yes, I might not have many friends yet, but in time I will build my network as well as friendship. I am away from home, I am away from my friends but I am close with my new friends

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Notes: What Do You Want? Money or Happiness

When I was 15 years old, I laid down in my bedroom and imagined that one day I have to get out of this town, Yogyakarta. No, it is not because I do not like Yogyakarta. But I know, that there are a lot of things that this world offers to us and I know that there are so many beautiful places to visit, I want to visit Rome, New York, Paris, London, Sydney, Egypt and Milan.

So, here I am in Jakarta after I spent my life in Bali for more than one years. Although, I have never imagined that my imagination become a dream comes true this very soon, I am very glad about it.

You know, sometimes my friends told me how jealous they are with what I am doing right now. Sometimes, they told me that they wish they are in my shoes. But, sometimes I do not think that I have done a great job about how I should live my life because there are so many dreams that still hanging in my mind and I have not reached it yet. However, we know that it takes time and effort to be in the point where we want to be.

My fiancé often told me that I shouldn’t rush with my life and I knew that I am doing that. But, I really wonder how I can be relax about my life as every time I see someone’s else has done better job than me, I am getting jealous and I want to be on their shoes or even better than them. Yet, my fiancé told me ‘Dear, remember that you just start your career. You have a zero year of experience compare than them, who has had experience for more than one or two years.’

Is money enough to feed our happiness?

I admit that my fiancé is often right. I am glad that I have found him. Other than become a lover, he is also a friend as well as a brother who can help me to make my dream come true. However, sometimes I am asking myself whether I should  do something to earn happiness or I should do something to earn money because sometimes the dream will not often come with one package with the other dream. So, which one should I choose money or happiness?

My dream is to be happy with my life

Again, my fiancé told me that it is very important that I earn happiness instead of bags of money as the money will not keep me happy all the time. Yes, it is true that to live our lives, we would need money to pay all the bills but we also need to feed our heart with happiness. Therefore, I do not have to make up my mind as soon as possible as I am still young and there are plenty opportunity to find out what I want to do in this life. But yes, I love my job that I am doing now because I am meeting many people and visiting so many places.

Anyway, every time I am down and I feel that there is nobody likes me because how the way I am doing what I am doing. There is a song from Angie Stone makes me realize why would I care about what other people say about me as the only thing that I want is reaching my dream in my own way.

I don’t care what people think about me. I don’t care what people say about me. With all of my haters yet still I rise, I wanna thank you cause I recognize, without you I wouldn’t be relevant, because of you, I know I’m heaven sent.

There was a time I use to want everybody to love me, and there was a time when I used to wear my feelings on my sleeve, but that never got me anywhere. Ihad to learn that life just aint fair. I took the highs and the lows, the bumps in the road now aint nothing getting in the way of my flow.

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Notes: Even in A Big City, One Often Feels Lonely

One nightfall of Jakarta [2012: E O]

One nightfall of Jakarta [2012: E O]

It’s 8 PM on Saturday night. I am just laying down alone in my bed with R n B music play out loud and a bottle of rose wine. Feeling kind of lonely but having no idea what I have to do or where I have to go. But, even if I have to go somewhere, I do not know whom am I going to meet as I am pretty new in this town and do not have so many friends yet.

I miss my real friends in my hometown; Olen, Adit, Ucha, Noki, Dalih, Herwid, Te’ Rika, Astrid, Bordus, Tomy, Febri, Olive, Riza, Citra, etc. I miss Edward and I miss my family.

Sometimes, when I complain how lonely I am to my fiancé, my fiancé often says to me like this “Even in a big city, one often feels lonely.”

And here I am laying down with a lonely feeling, listening to loud music  and acting like a miserable person. But somehow, I remember  what I often say to myself ‘You will never know what you will find as you step out of your door. So, don’t just stay at home and try to go out.’

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Notes: Mr. Right, Where Are You?

Before I met my fiancé more than couples years ago, I used to date so some guys when I was ‘dating’ my ex boyfriend, who was miles away from where I stood. I used to date the sexiest one to the richest one. Well, date might not be the right word but I was trying to find Mr. Right by seeing so many guys. Unfortunately, trying to find Mr. Right is not as easy as I expected it would be and finding Mr. Right is just like finding a shoes which is fit for your feet.

It was back when I was 19 years old. It might be funny enough to say that I was trying to look for Mr. Right in the age of 19 years old. If I found him that day, what would I do with him? Will I get married in the age of 19? Of course not! In the end of the day, I have to be sure with what I describe as a Mr. Right to find him.

Mr. Right is not always a prince with a perfect physical appearance or a business man who has bags of money on his pocket, but Mr. Right is a man who would loves you as who you are, would be by your side in whatever condition, would encourage you to reach your dream, would listen to you as you are talking and would never ask you to change to be a person who he wants you to be.

Anyway, in order to find Mr. Right, I went to the bar, to the club or even to the World Wide Web to find him. I met several types of guys who made me learn about what two types of men among dozens types of men in this world.

First, Mr. Sexy

Some of [most of] Mr. Sexy with a sexy firm butt and six pack stomach muscles are brainless and just wanted to be in between woman legs. When I met Mr. Sexy, I often found that there was no other interesting conversation with him other than one word with three alphabets S.E.X, sex. Once we tried to talk about other thing it was just so dry.

So, how could a relationship be built if the real friendship could not even be built naturally between both of us?  Well, I could not blame him that we could not even be in a relationship as we might look for something different. But, even a friendship could not be built? That’s not on baby!

I did not want to force a person, who does not want to be my friend, to be my friend. I had nothing to loose by not being friends with Mr. Sexy even I have slept with him as I also got a pleasure from him. Other than that, most of Mr. Sexy looks for Mrs. Sexy with their own standard and most of Mr. Sexy has more than two girls in their hands. But, in the end of the day, a physical appearance is not the most important thing that I am looking for from Mr. Right.

Second, Mr. Rich

Some of [most of] Mr. Rich with bags of money on his pockets would please their woman with their money. I did not say that most of Mr. Rich are brainless as they know how to make money. Mr. Rich are usually well-educated, they know how to treat a woman with a good quality stuff, they know how to treat a woman with a good word but sometimes they get bored easily with those women because some of the women will take the advantage by being with the Mr. Rich, those women will keep squeezing the Mr. Rich pocket until the Mr. Rich got sick and tired of those women attitude therefore Mr. Rich kicked them out from their life.

But with my case, honestly, when I was with Mr. Rich, life was just too easy for me, there was no challenges or encouragement to me to be a big person, which is not so me. I was supplied with millions rupiah, I was given many pair of shoes or I was given many good clothes. But, was I happy? No. I was not. I was not a free bird.

So, I left because in the end of the day Mr. Right is not Mr. Rich either. For sure, you need money to live this life but you also want to be a person, who you want yourself to be, you want to be a writer for yourself instead of someone writes your life to be they want you to be.

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Ed and I  [2009: JB]

Ed and I [2009: JB]

I was asking myself, if Mr. Right is not in the Mr. Sexy or in the Mr. Rich, so where could I found him? I was quite desperate, I want to be loved and I want to love someone who loves me as who I am. I keep fighting for my love life.

On my journey to find Mr. Right, on the 12 July 2008, I met a very kind and smart person who introduced himself as a single man. He is good looking, he knows how to treat woman, he is smart, we have a lot of in common and it turned out that we were looking for the same thing, Mr and Mrs. Right.

Today, it has more than two and half years we’ve been together, we are a happy couple. And last July, he pop up the question and I said YES. I am very grateful that finally I found him, my. Mr. Right.

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