Few months ago, I read an article about promiscuity, women and men in the Globe and Mail. The title caught my eyes “The Truth is Sleeping Around Isn’t All That Empowering“. The article was written by Margaret Wente. I read the article over and over again for few weeks. I tried to make up my mind whether I would agree or disagree with the author’s argument.
At glance or by ONLY reading the title, I thought that the author must be very conservative. Why? Coming from a society, which ‘glorify’ religious and cultural value, sexuality has always been seen as a bad thing and has always been linked to moral issue. Somehow it shapes my perspective, I often think everybody will think the same way. Therefore, whenever people making negative comment about women and female sexual freedom of expression, I tend to close my ears/eyes and walk away.
However, I was wrong. The article had nothing to do with religious or cultural value at all. It was not a judgmental article against female promiscuity. It was about ourselves, about respecting and valuing ourselves at the same times.
After reading Ms. Wente’s article over and over again, I asked myself why an individual, be they woman or man, is sleeping around? These are my answers: Some people are sleeping around because they are afraid of commitment; some are sex addicts and sex adventurer; some are looking for acceptances; and some are using sex as temporary reliever from sadness, depression or frustration. Sex then become meaningless; we then become just sexual objects for others especially when we do not enjoy it.
So then I asked myself again, is that kind of sex that we wanted, meaningless sex without even gaining a friendship? Promiscuity might be fun for some. Men can try different kind of vagina, while women can try different kind of penis; and then both can experience different kind of orgasms from the excellent one, boring one to nothing at all.
However, we are mankind with feelings. Many of us are not only seeking for physical pleasure but also affection, companion, acceptance and also respect from other when (s)he is being with its opposites sex or the same sex partners.
One of the example of sexual adventurer who is longing for affection is Samantha Jones, a fictional character on American TV Series. If you happen to be the fan of Sex and The City, you must know Samantha. She is portrayed to be promiscuous woman yet very successful in her career. Samantha does not care what the society said about her lifestyle (engaging in casual sex with many sexual partners). However, later, she ends up to be in relationship with Smith, a waiter-cum-actor.
Samantha manages to stay in the relationship for four years. But she then decides to end the relationship due to their personal career, routine and also goals. Samantha points out that as much as she loves Smith, she loves to be alone.
For me, these scenes remind me that a cold heart promiscuous person is actually also longing for affection and has feelings. Yet, there are just a lot of to take to stay in the relationship.
Having said that, everyone has their own choice to please their body and fulfill their physical need. At the same time, it is worth noting that we are mankind with feeling and heart. Nevertheless, although one has no interest to be in a relationship with their sexual partner, it is important that one just treats them properly and respectfully. Why? So they do not feel that they are only meaningless sexual object or just a piece of meat. It is applicable for both male and female sex adventurer. Hence, even only for friendship and respect, strip them down and get to know them because we are not cold-blooded vampires but human with feelings and heart.