As I scrolled down my Facebook’s newsfeed, I came across to an article by The Guardian on a Philadelphia born model Amber Rose titled “Amber Rose interview: Even when I was a virgin, I was called a slut“. I must say that I have been admiring her spirit, I have also been listening to her interviews and following her Instagram as well as Twitter account to understand her perspective in women’s world, as a result I immediately read the article because I think that Amber is an awesome woman who is outspoken about woman issue. So, i assumed that this article would be worth reading.
As I finished reading the last sentence, this article got me thinking about my personal experience. As time passes, we grew up, we learnt and we choose our own value of life. However, everything that we do, it often becomes the subject of discussion for other.
Why? First of all because they have nothing else to talk about. Secondly, that is how the society taught us. Our society construct standard what we can and cannot do, standard of what is right and what is wrong. I would understand that those standards are constructed based on scientific research with sufficient evidence but when it is based on morality, it is very subjective.
In my own experience, I have been called slut or gold digger even right in front of my face over and over again. It still happens until today sometimes. At first, I felt hurt but I grow thick skin by now. At least, I do something real and some (or many) recognize it.
So, if I may say….. do whatever you want to do as long as you do not hurt other people, as long as you are being responsible about it. Never do something just to please other while you are suffering from it.
When I returned to Indonesia last October, many told me that I have gained weight. I was afraid to admit and accept the fact that I have gained weight. Why? It is because I used to be very discipline with my diet and exercise. It is just an ugly truth for me.
Although people told me in a joking manner, hearing the ugly truth somehow made me bit depressed that time. Even worse, as a sensitive person, somehow I felt that I was being mocked or bullied while they might not intent to mock or bully me.
Therefore, I was thinking to losing my fat in instant way by doing some pricey treatment and went to nearby clinic. As soon as I was sitting at the clinic, the doctor offered me a various treatment, which is crazy expensive. So i said to myself “Should I do it? But That’s not me.”
Yet, I took the cheapest treatment acupuncture on that day. But I felt so guilty because I have been always against an instant way to be skinny. At the end, what is wrong being curvy?
I forced myself to get back to my normal routine by doing my morning running, exercise and controlling my diet with the expectation that I could go be 43 kg and lean again. I mean I am still lean but I want to be leaner.
However, my personal trainer said to me that I look better now because I look healthier than before. I am fit and not fat. All I need to do is to ignore those, who have been controlled media about the perfect female body image.
At the end of the day, being healthy is more important than being skinny. Although I am 47 kg, all my extra small size clothes are still fit me well.
Jujur saja, saya bukan pecinta anak kecil. Biasanya saya cenderung cuek kalau ada anak kecil di sekeliling saya, mau anak temen atau bahkan saudara, saya cenderung tidak tertarik untuk berinteraksi dengan mereka.
Apalagi yang aleman atau suka cari perhatian. Kalau terpaksa harus berinteraksi, saya pasti kaku dan ingin cepat-cepat menghindar. Buang-buang waktu pikir saya. Tetapi beberapa bulan yang lalu saya bertemu dengan anak kawan saya.
Usianya 8 tahun, keturunan Yahudi. Dia sangat, sangat, sangat cerdas dan pintar. Dia lebih tahu nama jalan dan juga jalur streetcar plus subway di Toronto ketimbang orang tuanya. Dia juga hapal nama negara dan ibu kota nya di seluruh dunia. Bukan cuma itu saja, dia tahu ongoing war/ konflik di negara tersebut. Intinya, dia tahu lebih banyak ketimbang saya yang orang dewasa. Belum lagi dia bisa bernarasi dengan cara yang apik tentang pengetahuannya tersebut.
Saya tanya pada orang tuanya, kok bisa printer banget sih? Ternyata di dapur di mana mereka makan, si orang tua memasang sebuah atlas karena memang orang tuanya suka traveling. Dari kecil, kedua anaknya selalu bertanya tentang negara-negara di dalam peta tersebut dan bertanya ada apa di sana sehingga mau enggak mau orang tua pun harus belajar lagi.
Saya takjub sekali dengan cara kawan saya mendidik anak mereka, mereka dibekali ilmu pengetahuan sejak kecil dengan berbagai cara sederhana termasuk memasang atlas di dapur, membelikan ensiklopedia dan juga jalan-jalan ke museum.
When I returned to Jakarta from Canada, I just realized how polluted Jakarta’s air is. This condition has made me thinking twice about my morning routine of doing street running on daily basis. However, instead of discontinue my morning routine, I decided to run very early. Normally I do it at 4 a.m. It might sound crazy but that is the only time where I can breathe a little bit of fresh air in the city.
My new activity somehow has opened my eyes about the other side of life of Jakartan. At 4 a.m, there are still many young people hanging out in one of the most popular Jakarta public park Taman Suropati. Based on my observation, some of them are having a fun chat, some are having a serious discussion, some are singing or dancing and some are having a very very very late dinner or super super early breakfast. Meanwhile, the city janitors are getting ready to sweep the street and some street food vendors are cleaning up their cart, eating utensil and getting ready to go home.
At the first early days, I somehow notice how dirty Taman Suropati is. Many people just leave out plastic waste, tissue or paper at the park. They simply do not care to throw it a proper place. I must say that it is very upsetting to see Jakartans just throwing plastic waste in the park. It just made the park look dirty and ugly. Yet, I also notice that some scavengers actually take the advantage from the dirty environment whereby they can collect those garbage and turn it into some cash. Still, it does not mean that I agree that they do not throw the garbage to the bin. So, I decided to talk to one of them.His name is Mr. Khodir. He is a 47 years old janitor, who works for Jakarta Provincial Government. His duty is to sweep the street along Sunda Kelapa Mosque area and the official residence of vice president in Menteng area. He works eight hours a day and starts at 5 a.m. Normally, he would finish his job by 5 pm with four hours of break in between.
As a janitor, he told me that he earns 2.7 million Rupiah. Unfortunately, he sometimes receives his salary once in three months whereby his salary will be piled up within three months. Although he receives a huge amount at the end, he simply cannot support his family properly because he does not have enough saving. As a result, he has to collect plastic waste and sell it. From that activity, he could generate money for approximately 50,000 Rupiah.
It is actually very saddening knowing the fact that while he believes that he has a steady job to support his family, this condition somehow has “forced” him to be a scavenger to make sure there is always an adequate food for his family on the table and provide a proper education for his children.
Life is hard in Jakarta. It might be just as hard as another’s life in big cities across the world. For ordinary yet uneducated people, some of them would prefer to work their ass off, earn small amount of money and stay away from the dirty jobs, meanwhile some would choose to engage in dirty activity to earn big buck simply to meet up with big city’s lifestyle. It is you choosing it for yourselves.
I often heard people saying “I cannot marry this person because we do not have same religion” or “I cannot marry this person because (s)he doesn’t wanna convert into x religion“. It got me thinking and wondering what love really is.
Frankly, I just do not understand when a lover asks, demands or even worse sometimes FORCES their partner to convert into certain religion or belief simply to get married, simply to prove that (s)he loves him/her.
What is the point to make them convert into certain religion, has it on the paper but they just do not believe it. Even worse, it is not uncommon that some of them would make a fun of it and disrespect it because they do not believe it.
Meanwhile, if (s)he does not convert, one of them will consider her/him for not sincerely loving them. And sometimes, if (s)he does not convert, it is often translated or concluded or defined that their lover does not respect one’s parents. Really?!
First of all, your love should not be measured based on their belief, race or social status. Secondly, you marry her/him and not her/his parents. And last but not least, you just cannot force one to convert into something that they do not believe in. I just find this dumb and stupid!
Sadly, it is pretty common practice in Indonesia because regulation only allows the legalization of marriage to be done in religious institution. You cannot just go to civil registry. Even worse, those religions are imported religions in this country.
Forcing an individual to convert into certain religion means that one forces other to lie to themselves. If one can lie to themselves, it is not impossible that (s)he will lie to their partner too.
You see how religions play with people’s mind. Lovers forget what love is. Lovers forget that when you love someone, you must love them unconditionally.
As I scrolled down my Facebook’s news feed this morning, I came across to a piece titled “I didn’t realize my husband was depressed until we divorced“. It was published by British media outlet Telegraph. It is a very interesting piece. Worth reading. And when I read it, I feel like deja vu.
Over the years, I learnt that the key to understand that other people are being depressed is by looking into ourselves first. Whether are we at the right stage of mind or not? And then, we will be able to see other people’s problem.
When we are in a serious long term relationship be it being married or engaged, communication is very important to keep the relationship going. It is true that we should not ignore any behavior changing of our partner as humanly as possible. However, it is not as easy as it is said especially when both of them are not at right state of mind.
In that situation, the couple then normally will not be able to communicate rationally, the couple will not be able to see things clearly. The woman will always sound nagging and the man will always sound angry all the time. And if the couple are not willing to see it within themselves and admit it (that they are not at the right stage of mind or depressed), it’s hard to change the situation.
The thing is many people do not want to accept or admit that themselves or their partner are being depressed because many still consider or associate depression with mental illness, which is embarrassing for many.
It then causes depression rooted within oneself and makes the situation worse because of ignorance. Screaming. Yelling. Glass shattered. Hospital. Self harm. Committing suicide. Getting drunk. Saying nasty things to each other. Etc. It can be very horrible and traumatic.
I can write this because I have been there. We decided to take time to be apart to examine ourselves because it is not healthy for two angry yet depressed people staying under the same roof regardless the feeling that they have for each other.
For me, the only solution is that I have to learn to love myself before I love other people. “Loving yourself” might sound easy but if you are ambitious person and living in the fast moving world yet competitive, it’s just not easy.
Why? You just want to achieve more and more for yourself. And when two ambitious people get together, “loving yourself” becomes difficult because the individuals have to sacrifice one thing and another for the sake of relationship. The question is are we ready to do so, place the relationship before the career?